Kris - posted on 09/22/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )
Hi there. I need some advise, my husbands ex walked away from her marriage and gave away full custody of the kids as well. She didn't speak to her own children for 3-6 months because "it was too hard for her". She left the kids when they were 2 and 5 after having been a stay home mom and being 100% deovted to her children.
3 years later she has made arrangments to see her kids as much as she can, but only as long as it does not interfere with her work schedule, social life, sleep, or mood. So that equates to a few times a month whenever she can have them and us at her beck and call.
I am now in the picture and stay home with the kids while my husband works and we try and create a stable invornment for them. I also have a daughter from a previous relationship that resides with us fulltime. Her father and her have a great relationship and he see's her every other weekend as well as alternating holidays and special occasions.
The kids mom has recently broken up with her boyfriend of (that she lived with for over a year) and is now feeling the need to be more involved wiith the kids. However I am having a difficult time making an adjustment from being the stay home mom (yes step) that provides for the children 100% of the time regardless of the need (be it exciting or not); to accomodate her having more time with them for special things.
The mom wants to start attending church with our family. She wants to take over as carpool person to the childrens dance lessons (which my child is also enrolled in, that I set up for all the kids), she wants to take cupcakes to school for birthday parties and I guess fulfill some quilt she may now be suffering as a result of her own actions and choices or boredom from lack of other stimulation in her own life.
My husband wants to be all accomodating to her because he wants what is best for the kids and also because he begged her not to abandone them and to be in their lives....
In any event I am torn between feeling like she is only trying to cause problems and fulfill her own need,. Worrying she is going to let the kids down yet again, and feeling resentful about putting in all the sweat blood and tears so she can swoop in and enjoy the benefits at her liesure.
Has anyone been in a similar situation, have any advise or suggestions? Please feel free to put me in my place if I am being selfish here. I am doing my best but falling short.
A bit of information on me... I was abandoned by my father at age 3 and adopted by a step dad at 4. I have 2 half brothers. My parents then divorced and each remarried. I have 1 step brother. My parents then again both divorced from their second marriaged and remarried again. Thus I now have a mom and 2 step dads, a dad and a step mom, and a step mom and dad (as step dad was involved in my life for many years and after marriage ended our realtionship remained).
My husbands parents just celebrated a 50 year wedding anniversary. He has 6 siblings and only one divorced and remarried sister.