Moved left Step-son behind, How to bridge the gap?

Tracy - posted on 11/10/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My Husband and I recently moved 600 miles away from my almost 17 year-old SS. We asked him to come with us, he refused. He moved in with his BM. She has never cared whether he comes or goes, no rules, wants to be his friend not his mother. I used to be the only way she could communicate with my husband. Then just before the move she decided to swear at me and call me some nasty names. I told my husband I was done. I would not accept calls or texts from her because I didn't deserve to be treated this way. It was the best decision I have ever made. She still tries to contact me but I don't respond in any shape, way, or form. But by doing this I have cut myself off from my step-son, whom I love. I have been in his life since he was two weeks old. His parents never married. He also is a pathological liar. He will tell you what you want to hear and only the truth if you catch him in the lie. He can no longer tell the truth if he wanted too. He doesn't know the truth. It hurts so bad to see this. His mother is only allowing him to live with her so she can take my husband back to court for child support. They live in a small trailer, three of her four children live with her and her boyfriend. The boyfriend has two small children also. they have a three bedroom one bath trailer. Her three children boy age 16, girl age 14, and a girl age 6 share a bedroom. His children age 5 and 6 girl and boy share a bedroom. What is wrong with this picture? Am I wrong in saying that the girls should all be in one room and the boys in the other? Should a 16 almost 17 year old be sharing a room with his two younger sisters? Am I crazy? When I asked my SS why this isn't so he didn't answer me! I don't know what to think. I love my SS he needs help, I think he feels abandoned by his dad and doesn't know how to say it to his dad and so he has reacted by not talking to his dad or getting angry with him. Right now there is no gapping the rift between them and it hurts to see two stubborn men hurting when they could fix it if they wanted too! We don't know if we will get to see him at all or if he wants to visit. All his mother does is call or text my husband to yell at him over something. Is it normal to want to make things better? to smooth things over? I haven't let myself but I want too! What to do?

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Chrissy - posted on 11/10/2010

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I know it is hard to do, but keep ignoring the calls and texts. If your SS wants to see you, then he will make the initiative to do so. He is old enough to make that decision. You both tried to get him to come with you, he made the choice not to. If he calls or texts though, answer them so he knows that you are not ignoring him and that you obviously still care. Wish the best for you both!

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