My boyfriends daughter wants to call me mom

Rhonda - posted on 07/12/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My boyfriends daughter 6 wants to call me mom. I have two girls 8 and 12. Well, I feel bad because she wants to call me mom. I do not want to take that away from her birth mom. They have 50% custody and she always wants to be with us. How do I break it to her that I am not her mother but I love her just like my own?

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Céline - posted on 07/17/2009

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My 2 step kids ( BF's children) did ask me if they could call me mom. They are 8 and 11.
I sat down with both of them and told them that i would never replace "mommy" cause they already have one but if they wanted to call me Mommy and felt a little awkward....they could call me Mommy Celina. I have one adopted son ....i may not have carried him in my womb but i did carry him in my heart and i have to remind myself that he is adopted cause i feel like he is mine 100% so for me having 2 other children calling me mommy is a gift and an honor. I would never tell a child to not call me mom....it takes them a lot to open up and feel comfy with another woman other than the real mom after the separation or divorce that if they feel comfy enough to actually call you mom.....that means they are ready to accept you 100% in their lives.
I feel it is a privilege to be call mom......especially by children that are not biologically yours.

Laura - posted on 07/17/2009

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I had a figure in my life I wanted to call dad and even now he is still like my dad to me. But ya know what? I've learned that "Dennis" can be every bit as meaningful to me as "Dad". It was "Dennis" I tried to call Daddy when I was a baby and it was "Dennis" who walked me down the isle 17 years after my dad had died. It doesn't really matter what the child calls you but how the child feels about you.
If she insists, take it up with her mother and explain the situation and that you're not comfortable with it until you marry the child's father. Explain you're flattered and that you love the girl very much and don't want her confused or hurt. When put that way, I'm sure the bio-mom and your boyfriend will help you through it.

Jennifer - posted on 07/16/2009

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I am in a similar situation but my boyfriend's wife died. We are planning on getting married. HIs daughter was the first to ask me if I was going to be their new mommy, I just told her to ask her dad about that. Then the middle child, oldest boy, started asking. Then one day his daughter and youngest son started calling me mama. My heart just melted to know that they thought of me in that role. I do the things their mom did, I cook, read to them, hold them, rock them. They are 4, 6, and 7 right now. They remember their mom. Even my boyfriend's mom slipped up while we were on vacation and said "while, daddy and mommy, oh jennifer, are at the wedding, so and so is going to keep you:" His daughter looked at her so sweetly and said, Jennifer is our mommy now.

Betty - posted on 07/12/2009

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She is smart enuf to know you are not her actual mother. Just tell her that you will always feel like a mother to her no matter what you are called and that it would mean more to you if she called you by your name or nick name.

My sd and I had a similar conversation. She still calls me mommy sometimes but she knows I'm not really her mom so I let it slide(it's just her way of telling me that she aproves of me as her step mom). I love it when she calls me 'Babe' because that's what my husband and I call each other and sometimes her as well. It's like a universal name for our little family.

Jessica - posted on 07/12/2009

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I would tell her that as much as you would love for her to call you that, it just wouldn't be right until you and her dad are married (if your planning on getting married). I have gone through the same thing, and my boyfriend and I have every intention on getting married (have been together four years, and just putting aside some money for the wedding), but I didn't want her calling me mom until everything was legal. You really never know what is going to happen, and it could potentially save her, and you, some hurt later on. It also makes things clearer and more understandable. Another concern of ours was that if my SD started calling me mom, her BM would pressure her to call every new boyfriend "dad". This way, the rules are clear for eveyone.

Jenna - posted on 07/12/2009

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Don't stop her! If she is 6, she knows who her real mother is. If you have a big problem with it, talk to her mom. You ARE her mom, a step mom is the same thing minus the DNA. Yes it is important for the girl to know who her birth mother is and the difference between her and you, but you cant keep this girl from thinking about you like a mother. That would be cruel to her.

Nerissa - posted on 07/12/2009

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I think that you should just let her know that if she wants to call you mom that is fine when she is with you but that you are not her mother nor are you trying to take her mothers place. I think it will be okay because after all she is just a child and they understand a lot more then we give them credit for.

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