My DH and I talked about stopping BM visitation

Kyleigh - posted on 05/29/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Me and my dh have been thinking for quite some time to get BM out of my 2 SK's life. She isn't a good influence onthem, horrible trash talking the children while in her care , she is regularly seeing them (off & on since Nov. 2010) We're fed up and sick of her games. She is just a trashy person, always cussing me and my dh out , regardless if the children hear it or not. They seem not to care. We consulted a lawyer and the lawyer said to sign them up with summer activities which helps keeps the children busy more than likely he Judge will see that they are doing extra cirrcular activities (educational ) value and can help "prevent," BM getting the Schildren this summer. They kids aren't looking forward to attending this summer...me and DH will try to see what activities in our community (BM lives 1 hour away) so it is quite a drive. she claims shes moving closer (we hope not) our town wont like her and her trashy ways.

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Bri - posted on 06/01/2011

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Well i know that we have our SK enrolled in an activity thats all summer long the judge saw through it and since SK's bm MOVED again! at least 2 hours away she was "okay with not picking them up," just seeing my SK every so often. Sometimes its a plus sometimes a minus maybe still get your SKs enrolled then have HER take them??

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I have to agree with Kimi. Not only would it be a waste of money for attorney fees but also if you sign them up for all these activities (most cost) and then the judge disagrees with your argument. I know it is hard because of her verbal abuse but you can cut that out by doing exchanges somewhere public or even at a police station. You can also do exchanges at a visitation center so you don't have to see BM at all. If the kids bring up things BM said about you guys then be understanding but stand up for yourselves. We don't have custody of SD but during one of our parenting times SD came to hubby and I crying because she said 'I know my mom hates you guys and I just don't know what to do about it.' We responded by saying we were sorry her mom felt like that because we loved and cared about her mom and wished we all could be friends. We also told her she was just a kid and she didn't need to worry about what her mom thought about us. Just what SHE thought of us. We've always been understanding and never speak badly of her crazy mom and after 4 years of this she is starting to realize her mom's true colors. I believe one day she will stand up to her mom should she speak badly about us. I will also add that hubby is currently deployed and BM refused to let our family have any contact with SD while he is deployed. The weekend and summer times we wanted to see her one of BM's arguments was that since she found out hubby was deployed she made alternate extracurricular plans for SD already. Well the judge basically told her too bad about your plans this is her time with her father AND his family even if he's not physically there AND you need to encourage SD to have a relationship with her father, stepmother, half-sister, extended paternal family and friends.

Kimi - posted on 05/29/2011

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Planning activities that intrude on BM's visits could seem cruel to a judge and I don't think it'll work in your favor. I think the lawyer just wants to help you stir stuff up for his own monetary gain and it'll take a terrible toll on the co parenting relationship you should be fostering for the sake of the children. BM will not loose contact with the kids and this will only give her more reason to talk badly about you and your husband during her visits. The summer isn't that long, just take the money you won't be spending on legal expenses and plan a nice family vacation for your half of summer break to make it up to them. If you asked them if spending 3 weeks with their mom was worth a trip to Disneyland what do you think they would say?

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Hollie - posted on 06/03/2011

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I have also heard that if you get them started in activities then yes BM has to not pick them up and just do her weekends, anything to not make her think she has custody ya right not happening! i have been here too long and gotten so far in respect!

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I agree with Kimi and Penny on this one. Planning activities during the BMs summer time is just cruel. No matter how much YOU don't like BM, it's the time for the kids. Yes, her bahavior is deplorable, but in my very honest opinion planning things for the children over HER time is even more deplorable...

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