Rachel - posted on 06/28/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )
Some background first, I have been married to my DH for just over a year and a half and between the 2 of us we have 4 girls. He has a 7 year old from a previous marriage, I have a 3 year old that he has since adopted, and we have a set of 6 month old twins. My husband and his exwife share joint custody and during the summer we have her more than that. I work part time and keep the twins with me, the 3 year old goes to pre-K, so the days my SD is with us she is basically with me all day. We have her every Tuesday and Thursday night and we have her every other Friday thru Monday night. That's the norm for the school year. Since she got out of school for the summer she has been with us every weekend except one, when she was at her maternal grandparents and she is with me every Wednesday and Friday all day and at least every other Monday all day... so she is with me ALOT.
Lately I have been having problems with my SD twisting my words or just not telling the complete story and going back to her mother. The most recent incident happened last night after we dropped her off and it was over her earrings. Several times I have had to pull her earrings from her ears because they have been in so long her ears have gotten bloody and sore. I clean them (the earrings and ears), give my SD the earrings and send them all back to her mother's house, and then mention to both my husband and his ex that if SD can't take care of her ears and no one else is going to help me she doesn't need to be wearing earrings. I have severe nickel allergies, to the point that even my wedding set causes painful blisters after wearing it for just a few hours and I am worried that SD is going to end up with the same issues b/c it has been proven to be triggered by problems with earrings. So last week my mother compliments SD on her new earrings and asks if she has been taking care of them like she should, she says yes so I asked when was the last time she took them out and cleaned her ears and earrings. She gave me that "look", the one I get when she knows she is about to lie to me. I told her, again, that if she doesn't take care of her ears she COULD end up like me and not be able to wear any jewlrey. Well this was all last Thursday, last night she tells her mother that I said sice they wont take care of her ears she was never going to wear any kind of jewlrey. Mom promptly send my hubby a text telling him I needed to keep my opinions to myself and worry about raising the 3 kids I have and let her be SD's mother and that she doesn't appreciate me trying to take her place. He calls her to find out what's going on and she yells at him, saying I am trying to take SD from her and that I need to worry about my kids not hers and more of the same, DH tells her that I have SD's best intrests at heart and am trying to look out for her and tries to tell her what the whole story was (he was there too), she finally hangs up on him (she normally does when she realizes she has behaved like an a**).
I had problems with the exwife when we fist got married, she (I think) wasn't over my hubby and didn't like me around SD. We met just after their divorce was final and were married just a few months later (when you know, you know). She even went to the extreme of telling everyone we weren't really married because they still were. I though we had finally reached an understanding right before the twins were born. There are so many things I would like to say to this woman such as "start being a mother/parent to your child so I don't have to" and feel like I can't or rather shouldn't because I know I will be dealing with her for the rest of my/her life. I have no intention of going anywhere and will be a part of SD and by extension mom's life for a long time but damn biting my tounge to keep the piece is getting tiresome already!