La - posted on 08/02/2009 ( 33 moms have responded )
Here's the situation. My fiance and his wife separated in April 2007 when she was prego with his 2nd child. He and I started dating in December 2007. When we met he assured me that he was only married on paper and he would get divorced when his son was born in Jan 2008 (he wanted to wait so that she couldn't deny him as the father on the birth certificate.) In Feb 2008 he proposed to me and since we were low on cash and I'm in school he decided to wait to divorce til we had the extra income to afford lawyer. I got pregnant in april 2008 and gave birth in Jan 2009. He and I constantly fight over the text messages that his still wife sends him saying that she misses him and how they take their kids to do things together all the time but doesn't take me and our daughter to do anything...not only does he lie to me about what she says to him, he allows her to think that he misses her and that she still has a chance of being with him if he and I don't work out. His latest slew of excuses for not filing for divorce have been: we can't afford lawyer (even though my friend who is a lawyer offered to help us for free), if he and I don't work out he can still go back to her (cause he wouldn't want to be away from both sets of kids if he wasn't with both me and bio mom), and even though he hasn't been with his wife and 2 kids for 2 years now and the custody agreement is already set he feels that getting divorced would somehow change his relationship with the kids. I feel extremely hurt that he won't commit to me and continues to hang onto his previous marriage. Plus when I catch him in a lie, he justifies it by saying that if I didn't get upset by what they say to each other then he wouldn't have to lie...but I wouldn't be upset if he WASN'T LIEING and if he WASN'T DOING SOMETHING HURTFUL TO ME! I know I should have seen the red flags when we first met and he wasn't divorced THEN, but hindsight is 20/20. What would any of you do or what do you think of what's going on? (Obviously this is a shortened version of the whole drama-if you need more info ask). Please offer ANY and ALL advice! I'm unhappy most of the time now, but I still love him and I still have to think about what's best for our daughter...