My step daughter is calling me mom

Jessica - posted on 02/20/2010

She is two she is not going to understand the difference between calling you mom and your real name. My sd calls me mom and the bm know that. It caused problems between us but she got over the fact that she sees me as her mom... but my situation is different. my sd lives with me and my husband full time. everytime she calls you mom I would just tell her " my name is ....." but remember she is two and dont know the difference.

Betty - posted on 02/12/2010

Just remind her what your name is each time by saying, "I like it best when you call me Crystal". Be positive about it. If you can, come up with a nick name that only the SDs get to call you. I tried doing a nick name but it just didn't work out for us.
I just love it whenever the title of "mom" slips out and now SD is old enough and has been around me long enough so I just let her call me mom when she wants to call me mom. There's just something wonderfull about hearing her say that to me and I feel like I have earned it at this point.

Christa - posted on 02/12/2010

I think it's important to stress to call you by name. My husbands BM forces her kids to call her new husband dad and it pisses my husband off. Also his daughter, who is 8, but was 1 when they split is having a hard time understanding why her stepdad isn't her dad. It's a strange situation but she doesn't understand the difference between the two men. It doesn't help that we don't get to see them that often. Anyway I think it's important to help them understand the different relationships and that starts with titles. Godd luck!!

Laura - posted on 02/08/2010

oh that's a tough one! Trying to explain things to a two year old is hard! ( i know i have one lol) It sounds like you and your husband have the girls a lot, so honestly it's what the little girl is comfortable with. I wouldn't worry about it, she's 2 and when she gets bigger she will understand, but for now I wouldn't let it bother you. My own stepdaughter tries to call me mom (she's 6) but she always feels guilty that she's going to upset her own mother...I just tell my (step)daughter that she can call me what she wants, whatever she's comfortable with. So if your 2 year old sd wants to call you mom, let her. Worry about explaining what you'd rather be called when she can understand! Best of luck and I hope I helped!!

Kacelyn - posted on 02/07/2010

My fiances son used to do this to me and at first I didn't know how to handle it. I would get really awkward and my fiance would laugh, like oh he doesn't know better. Knowing he wasn't going to correct it, I simply said to him, "I'm not your mommy, I may act like the mommy at daddys, and George (BMs BF who he would call dad too) who acts like the daddy at mommys. You only have one daddy and mommy, but are extra lucky because you have a george and a kacelyn." I told him he could make up another cool nickname for me because my name was really hard for him to say! So he called me "Emmy" which was the girl train on Thomas haha. He was 2 at the time also, now he calls me Kacelyn and knows I am Joshua's mommy & his Kacelyn. Sometimes he slips and i'll just smile and he will be like "I mean Kacelyn" He would also do this with his grandmother.

Cassandra - posted on 02/03/2010

My sd chooses to call me mom since mom is in the title. Luckily her bio mom is super cool about it and understands. My hubby also understands when she calls mom's hubby dad. Gotta be mature in thiese situations. I wish you the best of luck! P.S. (I wouldn't stop her, she's just a baby.)

Trina - posted on 02/01/2010

my stepsons mom contacted me about him calling me momma. he is four and is completely aware that she is his birth mother. she is 20 hours away and sees him 3-4 times a year. his father and i have a 1 year old son who calls me momma. I informed his mom that we aren't forcing him to call me anything but that i refuse to tell him that he cannot call me momma. thats where i stand.

Rowan - posted on 02/01/2010

but good luck all it takes is patients and persaverance

Rowan - posted on 02/01/2010

my hubby and i have had custody of my two ss since they were 18mnths and 2.5yrs old, in Dec we just won custody for his daughter. Now most of the time I just ignore it when she calls me mom, and start talking about myself in the third person and that seems to work for me, however the boys still call me mom, however there biomom wants nothing to do with them so them calling me mom is not an issue but the little girl she still wants

Michelle - posted on 01/31/2010

I completely understand your situation. My step daughter has called me mommy from day 1. The only difference is her bm is deceased and I am the only mom she knows. Of coarse I want her to know that I am not her bm but I have raised her since she was 17 months old so I am mommy. She only knows her bm by her name and we never talk about her but her grandmother had a BIG problem with her calling me mom at first. Why dont you ask her bm if its okay if she calls you mommy and your first name?? Like my sd calledme Mommy Shell for a while b/c we wanted her to realise that I was her second mommy.That may help her begin to understand the difference. Just keep trying to explain to her that you are her stepmom or refer to yourself as her other mom. If her bm is okay with that then maybe that will help. You may just be the sm but you are living the roll as that little girl's mom so you do deserve that respect. I hope this helps.

Dawn - posted on 01/30/2010

That's a toughie. I agree w/ the biomom though and I am glad that you are understanding about that. I have to sayt the best advice I know is Jessica O'Neill had to say below...that's really your only option at 2 yrs old.

Rebecca - posted on 01/30/2010

I have raised my two step sons since they were 8 months and 2 1/2 after about 7 months they called me mum, there real mum still hates it, they are now 7 and 10 she tells them all the time im not there real mum and I didnt give birth to them ( like how sad is that ) altho she makes them call her new hubby Dad. I think the child has the right to call you what they want to , it might change when they get older but I think it should be up to them!

Julie - posted on 01/28/2010

First of all she is only 2, so the BM should not get too upset. But I would also have to agree that having her call you mommy crystal would be the best for everyone. My sd calls me mommy julie to her bm, however to anyone else i am her mom. we have had full custody of her since she was 3 and is now 8. even before that we had her 90% of the time. her bm still gets upset when she call me mom, but i just reminder her when she talks to her that i am mommy julie

Michele - posted on 01/27/2010

We had this problem as well. When my husband and I got together my SDs had just turned 3 and 6. My son called me mom and Gracie, the youngest, wanted to do the same thing. Each child gave me a special name all their own, Jena (oldest) calls me ShellyShell, and Gracie has always called me MommaMichele. It does upset their BM and she acts very immature about it, but it upsets Gracie more when she's told not to call me that. I'm a mother as well and my son has a step mom and I understand how the BM must feel but as a mom I know I would want to support my son and want to know that he loves and respects his his SM. It's a difficult situation at best and if the BM is the least bit insecure it will make it even that much harder. All you can do is love the girls and ensure the BM you aren't there to take her place. Good Luck and God Bless!

Sandy - posted on 01/19/2010

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I would just softly remind her when she calls you mom that she has a mom and that you are ? to her instead. It is perfectly normal for her to be copying your bio child and calling you mom. The most you can do is remind her. If you mom gets mad then tell her you are terribly sorry but that the child is only one and that you do correct you when it happens. It is really the bio moms issue to deal with and not something that your step daughter need feel bad about

Renee - posted on 01/19/2010

I agree with Katina, but maybe talk to the bm an see if that would be ok with her. Your sd is only reapeating what she hears at her age this is normal and she isn't trying to hurt her moms feelings it's just that like you said your daughter says mom so your sd is going to say mom an yes right now it is just a name to her. Hope this helps

Katina - posted on 01/18/2010

Maybe you can correct her to say Mommy Crystal.

Jessica - posted on 01/18/2010

There is not much you can do. When she calls you mom, just remind her that you are Crystal. Don't get mad, and be patient. If she switches to calling you Crystal on her own that's great, if not, then just continue to remind her until she is a little older and more able to understand why BM may be hurt by her calling you mom. If she still decides to call you that, that's her choice.