My step son is two different children!

Erica - posted on 06/24/2010

I had this same problem with my ss, who is now 15. His mother left when he was 2 and he saw her off and on. I joined the family when he was 3 and when he was 4 asked to call me Mom. He continued to see his mother off and on and he was already smart enough to know who was going to be around.
When he was with his bm he would be a huge brat and very active and not listen. When he was home with us he was also active and not an angel, but he listened more often.
Bm had him come over less and less. She admitted after his last visit when he was 7 that he was too much and she couldn't handle him. He hasn't been over since.
I am thankful that she was able to do this for him so that his life could be somewhat normal and he would not be tossed back and forth.
He has abandonment issues still though. He understands now why she stopped visiting him, but it still hurts.

I always choked up his misbehavior with his mother as a test to see if she could handle him. He was testing her to see if she could keep him safe and handle him at his worst and still want to be around him. She failed.

Leah - posted on 06/22/2010

Yes we have that problem with my ss who is now 7. Custody is 30 (us) 70 (bm) when he's with us he acts very well I never have a problem taking him out in public in fact I enjoy it because he is so plesant. At his mothers he got diagnosed with add and while medicated he was a total zombie. Now his mom is begenning to think he is bipolar. (which probably means more testing.) He has a bed wetting problem at bm's, but not at our house. There's even been times where his mother has called us because he's acting up so bad that she doesn't know what to do anymore asking us for advice but there's not much we can tell her because we don't have that problem with him.

Nicole - posted on 06/21/2010

Yes, my husband and I have had this problem with my youngest stepson. When he is with his biological "mother" he acts much different than with us. For my hubby and I, he has his moments, but he does not throw tantrums and scream and start hitting like we have seen him do when he doesn't get his way at his mom's. His mom doesn't know how to control him, she doesn't have any structure what so ever with him or his siblings. It's hard when the two households are so much different. But we have explained to the kids that they have rules and expectations when they're at our house. For the most part, it works out well. Usually the first day we have them it is a little rough, but once they realize that what they're pulling isn't going to fly at our house, they calm down and are well behaved children.

Anna - posted on 06/20/2010

we're going through this with my SD. since she was 6 she has been respectful, happy, well behaved and, although sometimes annoying, she questions anything she doesnt understand.

yet her mum phones us up saying she violent, disrespectful, rude, disobedient and that we're to deal with it. she doesnt live with us.

when we ask her what the problem is she doesnt deny any of her mums accusations saying that her mums family are nasty to her shouting, swearing and smacking.

as much as we hate it we tell her to behave herself and to do as shes told.

she asks to live with us. we had her stay with us for a few weeks but still she was absolutely fine if not a little bored because her mum refused to let her bring toys to our house.

we've tried for custody but BM and her family play dirty and lie. in the end we gave up because SD was getting hurt and refused to see us.

Ashley - posted on 06/19/2010

lol its funny because my SS just turned 6 a lives with us BM has visitation and he acts completely different around her.....when hes with us hes rude disrespectful mean violent lies and just acts a fool but when hes with her hes lovable very well mannered and listens soooo well..were actually beginning to think it may be best for him to go back to living with his BM full time.....

Christina - posted on 06/17/2010

OMG I totally understand! My oldest stepson is 4 also and he acts completely different. She tells us he has sensory issues while with her, he talks like a baby, gets whiny, etc. He is a normal, smart, thriving child with us and doesn't have ANY sensory issues with us. We even took him to a court ordered developmental test (requested by birth mom) and he 100% passed, just like we knew he would. Luckily for him they have split custody. Good luck with your ss, its just something we all have to work with.

Penny - posted on 06/17/2010

I think he knows he can get away with anything with his mom so he acts that way. And with you and dad, you must have boundaries and he knows that. Kids need boundaries!