My stepsons mother gets mad when I call her son, my son!

Katrena - posted on 11/02/2009

hello it sounds like you have a great relationship with your stepchildren thats great ,but l must say l honestly think l would have a hard time dealing with it if my ex husbands partner started introducing my daughter as her daughter ,so l can see where she is comming from you have to try to understand this is proberbly feeling threatened by you saying that he is your son , even though you dont mean it that way ,l know l would be , an l know that when were out l introduce my stepchildren as my step children ,because even though l am here for them and love them , they are my step children ,and l they introduce me to there friends as there step mom that doesnt bother me ,

Tamara - posted on 11/01/2009

absolutly I have been with my SD since birth and she call me mom and her mom wasn't to okay with it either. You can't replace any parent but when they are in your home and you are giving them love and kindness as well as taking full care of them how about a thank you!! I could just be horrid and evil and be hated for that to so what side of the fence is a step mom ever on?

Tammy - posted on 10/31/2009

I THINK IT IS A NORMAL REACTION FOR ALOT OF PARENTS TO FEEL THAT WAY, IF ITS THE FIRST TIME THEY HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH IT. BUT SHE WILL REALIZE HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU AND THAT YOU REALLY CARE FOR HIM AND GET OVER IT EVENTUALLY. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE A GREAT STEP-MOM, SO SHE SHOULD BE GLAD THEIR IS SOMEONE TO TREAT HER CHILD FAIRLY.......KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, SHE IS THE ONE WITH THE ISSUES.

Elena - posted on 10/31/2009

What makes you a mom?.... If you are the one wiping his/her nose, putting a band-aid on a boo boo and kissing it to make it better or fighting off scary monsters in the night. If you are the one who knows his/her favorite cereal, the one who knows he/she doesn't like peanut butter.... the list goes on! Love makes you a mom, plain and simple, whether you gave birth to him or not. The rest is just bologna!

Nora - posted on 10/26/2009

Yes!!! I am having the same situation except my 4 year old stepson's mother tells him I'm NOT his stepmom and don't listen to me. I take care of him for weeks at a time when he is here-take him to the gym, the pool, make special dinners, wipe his butt, stay up with him when he is sick, and everything else his dad can't do cause he is working!!

Christy - posted on 10/18/2009

absolutely right! i wish that people would realize how fortunate they are to have step-parents in their child's lives that care for them and want them to be part of their families. i know plenty of people who are not so fortunate.

Amanda - posted on 10/17/2009

You are so right. I knew my 4 yr old stepbaby when he was a baby;) I held him and everything back then. His daddy and I were just friends back then. Now we are married, I'm his first and last wife lol. I call him my son. Sometimes I say stepbaby but mostly just son. He loves me and I love him. Thankfully his mommy doesn't mind that he calls me stepmommy amanda and he calls my parent's mammaw and pappaw. I'm lucky that there wasn't any problems but my advice to you is...don't worry about. You love him like he is your own. He will always knows your love for him! That makes me a wonderful person=)

Deb - posted on 10/16/2009

This is a tough question...I have been on both sides here. After my divorce and I had 2 boys with him...he remarried 2 weeks after the divorce. That never bothered me. What bothered me...was they were abusive to all of the kids (yes including hers)...when DCFS was involved that was a disaster, for them! Especially when I found out that my the ex was making my youngest who was 4-5 at the time, take a bath with the step mom. I never undressed in front of my boys past the age of probably 1!

So yes I did bother me and I refused to let it happen. I did remarry and my hubby had 4 kids already...2 girls and twin boys. It was really rough at first but after a couple of years and...my hubby adopted my 2 boys...my hubby and I have just said that we have 6 kids, 2 in laws, and 3.5 grandkids. Now...as far as "his" kids' moms... I am just the step mom...they have always called me Deb but the grandkids...( the step ones if you will) I am and always will be Grandma to them.! And that was my step daughters way. She wanted that...I love all of these kids like they are my own. And they do know that. But out of respect for their Bio. Mom's they just call me Deb. ( but I do have to chuckle cause they come to me before they go to their Bio. Moms...LOL)

Julie - posted on 10/15/2009

I never differentiate between biological and stepkids, I love them as I have given birth to them, they have been so wonderful to me, we have full custody of them and mom isn't really involved..It wouldnt be bad if she was, but she isn't..I really understand what it is like to love unconditionally and to be loved unconditionally, these kids have accepted me as their mom, they call me Julie, or mom, I never force them to call me anything, the younger one does not even remember his mother, and when he sees a pic of her he says that is "tammy, she used to live here now she doesn't", the 13 yr old is so angry I am not sure if he will ever forgive, anyway back to topic, the bio mom has expressed her unhappiness with me calling them my son's as well, I got so angry,.because here I am supporting them emotionally, financially, and she is angry over that crap, over a name? a name....a parent is defined as someone who takes care of another, do we not deserve that title? With that in mind, I would understand how it would feel if the shoe was on the other feet, would I feel sad yes, but if they lived with me and I had custody, unfortunately in today's world families come in all shape and sizes, if the children feel comfortable enough to call you mom, and you feel comfortable calling them sons, then you are doing something right, more people to love the kids, why would you bash kids for calling someone mom, as a kid we all had a neighbors mom that we loved and trusted, did we not call her mom? I say listen to the kids judgement...

Antonia Lucita Elizondo - posted on 10/14/2009

I love your response and I am here to stay. Her son will always be seeing me and if he decides to call me mom when he gets older then thats on him. But I have never forced him, I just think that the BM is telling him that I am not his mom or anything like that. Which she is wrong.

Antonia Lucita Elizondo - posted on 10/14/2009

I have already told her that and she is 23 years old but is immature. Its not me another woman in her sons life its that she cant take another woman older than her that does a better parenting job then her. She still parties and smokes around my step son, her son, that has asthma. You would think she would keep him away from that, no she puts him in places that is harmful to his health. I seriously wish me and my husband can take custody away from her. She is harming my stepson. I refuse to have that happen. I care about him.

Antonia Lucita Elizondo - posted on 10/14/2009

You are right about if my stepson didnt want him to call him my son, but he 5 yrs old and I have been in his life since he was a 1 and half years old. I was still changing his diapers. The thing about this mother of his is she is money hungry with the child support situation and she has four kids from four different men. She is an unfit mother and I think deep down inside she knows it, she just collects all the money from her fathers and does whatever with it. I wish I can find a way to change the law because she does not want to give joint custody or anything. Why not? I think my husband deserves it, he does everything for his son and she treats my husband like shit.

Antonia Lucita Elizondo - posted on 10/14/2009

That is what is wrong with families today. Because some people cant take the fact that they are no longer with that other person and now they share a child together they dont want no other woamn around their kid. Well I look it as tough luck, they should be happy to have that father be with a woman that takes care and gives a crap about their (step)child. Some other people today put their stepchildren aside and treat em like junk. The one that bothers me is that my stepsons mother is young, and immature and whter she likes it if I call her child my son or not he is always taken care of! No question about that.

Heidi - posted on 10/14/2009

I have 3 boys, 2 bio and one step, but I still refer to all of them as my sons, and my oldest is 18. Although I came into his life when he was 10, and he calls me by my first name, but when he introduces me to his friends or co workers, he says this is my mom. My middle son is from a previous relationship, and his bio dad won't let my son call his step dad, dad. But my son always does every single day, but on the rare occasion he sees his bio dad he is not allowed to mention his stepdad at all, unless he uses his first name. It is obvious the parents that are like that are very insecure with there relationships with there children. They need to grow up and realize that the kids should always come first, and they can decide for themselves if they want there stepparents to call them there children. If my stepson ever came to me said "Look you are not my mom so please don't call me your son" I would oblige by that. IT would hurt, but it would be his choice. So don't worry what the biomom says. Just love the child and treat the child as your own and forget about what she has to say.

Kristy - posted on 10/14/2009

Well think about it. It is hard enough for a mom to have some other woman stepping in and as most bio moms feel trying to take over. So of course she would get upset. Try communicating with her and tell her. Say I don't call your son, my son because I am trying to like take your place. I just figure that when we are all together it is less awkward to say my son when introducing him or speaking of him. I love all the kids and think the world of them and only want what is best for him. Just try that.

Mindy - posted on 10/13/2009

i agree too. ive been married 4 years with my husband 5 . we got married just as our kids were entering puberty. i have 2 and he has 2. anyway it was really hard the first 4 years. dealing with teenagers in a step situation is doubly hard. we both make mistakes with our oldest. but we are learning and even though they have doubted it we really do love all of them. I always say i have 4 kids. i have fun with it because my daughters are 8 months apart. so for 8months out of the years i can say i have twins. lol i try to have a good relationship with my stepkids. but them being teenagers and involved in thier own lives i dont get to see them as much as i would like.our house rules are thier are not his and hers anymore. We are all a family, but we dont forget that they have other parents too. and we try to give them that respect.

Tyler - posted on 10/13/2009

I say to people I have 2 kids, a son and a step-daughter. I have a BM that is horrible also, so I do the best that I can. When I see any negative effect of anything I do, I try to fix it. Calling her my daughter is not appropriate because the BM yells and complains to my step daughter about that and many other things. # 2 she is not my bio-daughter. I dont call her my daughter because it makes trouble for her at her other home. I just tell her she may just be my step daughter but I think of her as my own. So in her heart she knows she is loved. The label is not that important exept if it is a label that hurts someone or makes them feel disrespected. If the BM is insecure, its just not worth the fight. Kids are smart and know who cares for them.

Rebecca - posted on 10/12/2009

Sounds like she is inscure with her relationship with her son and there is nothing you can do about that. Keep your head up sweetie and keep being the good mom and step mom it sounds like you are.

Kelcie - posted on 10/12/2009

Yes you are! I deal with this same situation myself, I have a daughter that is my only bio baby and a 6 year old stepson that tells me he loves me a million times a day and they makes her furious but she has to deal with it he lives with me not her so of corse he has grown an attachment for me and tells me how much he misses me when he goies to her house. I must say its a great feeling that is a very rewarding experience I wish she could just except it.

Jennifer - posted on 10/11/2009

You are absolutely right. I just ignore the BM. She doesn't live in my house and her two children do.

Takaoiya - posted on 10/11/2009

I call my step daughter my daughter because i dont want her feeling seperated from my full daughters or the child im pregnant with, the bio-mom says very horried things about it but as i see it, shes in a loving home and the more accepted as full family the better, i will NEVER replace the bio mom.

Sarah - posted on 10/11/2009

Yes, I agree you are right! I also refer to my stepson as my son. Besides, it is my belief that I'm the only mom in MY home :-P

Jana-lyn - posted on 10/10/2009

My future Husband, his family and friends all know the important role I am in my Stepdaughter's life....I think the wee one also knows and that is the most important...I love her like no other...In fact when he asked me to marry him he asked if I would love the wee one and his son as well..to which I said YES!!! I agree with Penny, some ppl are entirely to selfish and want control...she needs to grow up, you are there to stay...



You were entirely in the right

Penny - posted on 10/10/2009

Some people are just too selfish to care they are hurting their kids. When people ask me how many kids I have I always say two. One that lives with me all the time and one that doesn't.

Dailene - posted on 10/09/2009

I am in the same boat..I have 2 of my own, and 2 step. I consider them part of my family. I have been in their lives for 10 yrs now, and their BM still has problems with me even calling them my step-kids. I only wanted to give them a good home to visit when they came to see their dad. What is so wrong with letting the kids love everyone. It is only hurting the kids..

Lynda - posted on 10/09/2009

When people ask me how many kids I have....I always say 5- 2 biological and 3 stepchildren. In other words they are ALL my kids...and I love them all as if I had them all myself but I don't disrespect their biological mother in saying I had them....

Cierra - posted on 10/09/2009

yes you are! my boyfriend has a 6 year old who is with us all the time. ive been raising him for the 2 years we have been together...and i call him mine! dont get me wrong, he loves his BM and i would never try to "take her place" but i will take credit for the awesome job i do with him! as long as you and your SS have a good relationship dont worry about her!

Amanda - posted on 10/08/2009

And just to point out, some moms will never enjoy you calling their child yours. BM doesn't even let me be a part of my stepdaughter's life, so if she ever heard me refer her daughter as my own, she'd probably get in my face! Some people can be ignorant about a situation and they don't realize we do it for our husbands and the good feeling of our family.

Amanda - posted on 10/08/2009

Absolutely. (:

Miriam - posted on 10/08/2009

Yes, you are absolutely right :)