Samantha - posted on 07/30/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )
Maybe someone out their has some experience in this field and can shed some light on something that I may be missing.
This woman has been one big ball of grief since day one.
She calls "to get to know me". I think the purpose of those calls was to scare me off. It's not working. Brings up subjects about the past. How he was, what he didn't do. How she was, what she looks like...in detail.
Calls my husband at least every other day. Calls me every other day. Says questionable things about the kids or what they need.
He provides above and beyond. Asks the kids if they want to come and visit time after time, but they always have plans. He religiously flies out to see them. He has explained a time or two that it would be more enjoyable if they would come and visit. Staying in a hotel and purchasing every meal is becoming financially difficult. (Rental car, 4 day stay in a hotel w/ meals for four people, three times a day.) They say they don't know...
She gives constant excuses as to why they can't visit us. Blantanly lies about their school functions, money and why they can't come and visit us. All three kids give different reasons and excuses. (They have three kids, by the way. All teenagers.) Can never tell who's telling the truth. The kids call for questionable amounts of money or items frequently. We have found that we have to do research on such functions or items or we get screwed. We now send money to the function or purchase and send item.
What broke the camels back or my back:
The kids are ready to fly back with their dad to visit. *Plus* They are excited to meet me.
I go buy enough food to feed an army. Purchased 3 $50 gift cards for each child from several stores for the kids. Purchased tickets for all the amusement parks in our area.
Then the call came. Mom said "they have plans, can't go." The two youngest were in tears. She brought them inside their home to talk to them. 10 minutes later they came out like nothing ever happened. The kids said they can't go, they have plans. What baffled us was after talking with the ex and kids weeks before hand, she knew and could of planned accordingly.
Later on that evening, his daughter calls. We found out what mommy told them when they went inside. She told the kids that she would never see them again if they went, daddy wouldn't let you come back. You like her more than you love me? Your Step-Mom isn't the person you think she is. Don't leave me all alone. You won't like it there.
Can you sense the frustration yet?
The next day, she called, like nothing happened. I expressed my concerns (carefully). I even explained that all expenses would of been paid for. Unlimited food, fun, video games and plenty of room to sleep or lounge plus coming back home with new clothes for school. Beaches, pool, racquet ball court, tennis court, etc, etc. (We lived in a gated apartment complex by the beach.) We just wanted the kids to come and visit for a week. That's it. My intention was to ensure her that her kids would be safe and well taken care of. They would have things to do and would not be bored or uncomfortable. But as usual, the kids are busy. Two months go by, the kids never had plans.
His ex-wife started lying to the kids about me. We confronted her about this along with previous concerns. She now rubs it in our faces that her sk's come and visit her. She rubs it in our faces that she buys Coach purses and goes to the spa. She has made sexual comments to my husband over the phone. They found my MySpace page and started saying nasty comments and threatens to raise child support. (It's now deleted.) His daughter calls with her mom yelling over the phone saying that she's going to come kick my ass. Daughter brags about their new daddy. Kids call to tell my husband saying that he needs to put his B_tch on a leash. We sit here in pure confusion.
After 4 1/2 years of this, I still send them birthday cards with $20. I still send them goodies here and their and always tell them that I wish the best for them and love them and care for them. But we still get sh*t on.
The last conversation was the reason why they won't ever visit him. He re-married. It was o.k. for their mom to re-marry and pop out kids like a candy dispenser. No matter what he says or does, it's never good enough for any of them.
We don't expect them to live with us. We just want to spend some time with them. In the four years that we have been married, my husband has never shed a tear in my presence until his daughter quoted the above.
How does one deal with this kind of heartache? What do you do?