Need help on what to do!

[deleted account] ( 20 moms have responded )

I am a mother of 4. Two stepchildren and two biologic. But they are all my children. I have been with my husband for about 7 years. And I've known my stepchildren since they were 1 and 2. They are now 10 and 8. The kids live with their mom through the week and come to my house on weekends and vacations. For the past few months the kids are telling me that their mom is locking her foster son and my stepson in their bedroom which happens to be the attic when they are bad or during the whole night while the whole house sleeps. My stepson is the 8 year old. They threaten him with not coming to his fathers house just so he'll do what they want. They also don't feed him dinner when he is supposedly in trouble. My ten year old strpdaughter slleps with her 6 yr old half brother, takes showers with him, does all the household chores and looks after her other brothers and cousin. I feel this is not fair to either one of them and feel like they would have a better life here with us because all they would do is play and be children. We can't afford a lawyer and I am afraid to call children services because we don't want to make her mad. I feel like our hands are behind our backs and I don't know what to do. Any advice?

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Charlottle - posted on 04/12/2010

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Someone else you could check with, if you can do it without her knowing, is the school counseler. Are the children having any issues at school? If she has a foster child in her home a children's agency is suppose to be monitoring her home. Any tip to CPS will require them to check on the home due to the foster child. Good luck.

Nickie - posted on 04/09/2010

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I would call CPS and not give your name. It's illegal for a 10 year old girl to sleep in the same bed or bedroom with anyone 5 years or older that's of a different gender in most states. Putting a child in their room locked..is illegal as well (child abuse and neglect). You should have a recorded conversation (not prompting) the next time the step-daughter tells you these things. You wouldnt be helping them if you didnt call CPS to get them help...

[deleted account]

Well I called cps. They are suppose to make a visit to both homes this weekend. My ss told us that his mom strangled him twice within a two day period. Please Pray for us to get through this. Thanks everyone for your advice.

[deleted account]

Thanks everyone I will keep you all posted. I'm waiting for some money to come in and we are going to file for custody and I am going to call cps. But in the meanwhile I will do what i have been doing calling police to make reports and documenting what the kids say to us about their mom situations.

Sarah - posted on 02/22/2010

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sorry posted that before I was done. we have a line yu can call to either the copsor to child youth and family to make a report and you dont have to leve your name so then they can send some one around to check it out and you can plead ignorance if the bio mum tries to blame you. Just get the ball rolling bcause If you have a bad gut feeling then you are probly right.

Sarah - posted on 02/22/2010

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I dont know about wher you are but in new zealand we can get a lawyer if we cant afford one and then pay it back. Maybe if you cant do that then try email some lawyers and asking for help or even just advice. They may say no but you dont knoe if you dont ask. Get some advice from local support groups about the best way to deal with the situation the kids are in. In NZ we have an anonomouse tip line you can call

Geri - posted on 02/21/2010

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If you get the kids involved encourage them to tell the truth no matter what and call the police if anything happens, get them a GO Phone or something for emergencies! If they get caught with it they can say honestly that you got it for them and leave the explaining up to you. They have to be encouraged to tell the truth because I have heard in some support groups that some kids would tell you one thing and then exaggerate the truth to the judge or lawyer just to get what they want. If this is truly going on and they are truly afraid about it they will call the cops. Alert the cops to what is going on and tell them that you are going through the proper channels with a lawyer and judge but you want to know that they will take all calls to that residence with a serious investigative eye and ear! We had major problems with the cops believing the BM.

Petra - posted on 02/19/2010

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Documenting is good - but unless you initiate legal proceedings, it will be useless. Child services will need to investigate the home whether you complain in Court or call them directly. Don't hold back simply because you're afraid of what she will do if she knows you blew the whistle - if things truly are as bad as the children are telling you, they need help NOW. Call child services and if they determine that the children need to be removed from the home, you will be the first person they turn to for custody. Legal aid is often available for low income families, so look into applying and don't be afraid to go to court yourselves, without a lawyer. If you've got proper documentation and you've completed all of the necessary court papers, your evidence should speak for itself. Get these kids the help they need before things spiral further out of control.

[deleted account]

We are going to file a motion to change custody. We have journals of what the kids tell us and sometimes depending on how serious we call the police to file a report and leave a paper trail. This weekend we get the kids so I will see how the week has gone at their house because they have been out of school since last Friday because of snow. The only thing we are concerned about is if it doesn't go our way what will she do to the kids. I mean my s'daughter already cleans the house, take care of the 4 dogs and her half brother. My s'son already gets locked in his room and sometimes doesn't get fed his dinner because of not listening or not cleaning his room. So what more could really happen if it doesn't go our way? But we have been talking to the children and have been telling them that if they tell us what happens over ther to them then we can document it and eventually what they tell us will help them get away from there.

April - posted on 02/17/2010

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I feel for you being in this situation. I would for certain call the authorities and get them involved. It seems to me by what I have read here that you could get custody if you had a place for them to live. They would have to have beds as well. It is so terrible that this woman would be so non schlant as to be so viscious to these children. I am a firm believer in discipline now, but you have to have just as much LOVE as you do discipline. If a child is running away there is a huge problem that needs to be corrected immediately. The kids may be confused at first but if you do not stand up for them who will. And if you do not stand up for them, then in their minds you may appear to not care enough to get them out of that situation and they may start acting out to you as well. Please call someone and help them!!

Shawn - posted on 02/17/2010

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Keep in mind that if you call CPS the kids may feel like they have to lie for their mom. It might not be the best living arrangements for them, but it's still their mom. In our state we can file a motion with the courts to change any of the custody agreements without a lawyer. It might not go your way, but it's worth a shot to bring it to the judge. Especially if you have any proof or evidence you can take to court with you. Good luck.

Geri - posted on 02/16/2010

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CALL ANONYMOUSLY! and here is why! My husbands ex allowed her new husband to put my s'sons head through a wall and the COPS believed HER story she made up (they wouldn't tell us) and she ended up putting him in A NUT HOUSE for it! Which according to the state made her case better because SHE was TRYING to get him HELP!!!!! Please do not let it escalate to where the child feels he has to do something. They react as anyone in those situations and try to battle out of a corner! If you live with parents get them involved they have rights too! Like temporary custody or something if the she has a foster child That is just another child being torn to pieces and he does not have your house to go to to get away! Oh please do something! The kids now a days are being treated too casually! Like a bike on the side of the road, how many do you notice? They have a voice and it needs to be heard, no matter how much you may be mad at them for saying it, they have a voice and needs to know that even though you have to talk for them right now, in the future that voice will be theirs! Our children are SO precious They don't need abuse, maybe a firm hand but never abuse! (Spare the rod spoil the child) but they are the gifts that GOD has given us to carry on our future. (Mine make the joke that they will be picking out my nursing home in the future so be nice. LOL) Take care of the gifts that GOD has given us and let them know we are there for them.

[deleted account]

We already know the courts are on his side because recently we had taken her to court for contempt and the judge was ready to give him the kids.

[deleted account]

Thanks Corynn That really helps. Some things have escalted last night before we took them backto their mothers. And I told her what had happened Jymes has been really emotional for the past month) he ran away yesterday afternoon because he broke his glasses at church and he knows he'll be in really big trouble at his moms and then he got in trouble at our house for hitting his brother in the head with a toy but then we found out it was an accident. But aftewards he ran away. I think he is really lost inside so I talked to the bm last night and she just blew it off. So Friday I amgoing to talk to him and see what all happened afte we dropped him off and then i belive i will make a call. He needs help wit his anger and I don't think she's helping any.

[deleted account]

I agree with Catrina... you can anonymously call CPS, and I live with my fiancee and his parents also, and it honestly doesn't matter. As long as you have a place for them to live, the courts would grant you custody. My fiancee's lawyer told him straight out in the beginning if he wanted our daughter full custody he could have her right away even with the living situation we are in... We are both full time students and I am unemployed and he works as a gas pumper, so I know how you feel in the money department, but there are ways to fix this without having to spend money... Call CPS and report her and just tell them you are a concerned citizen... i did that once when i called CPS on my daughters BM

Patti - posted on 02/14/2010

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If they are foster kids, you need to call the agency that oversees placing them. They will handle it.

[deleted account]

The only thing really stopping me is the fact that we are currently living with his parents, He's a unemployed, full time student in college and I work in a daycare that doesn't pay very much. I love my children very dearly but without money I don't see how we'd be ab;e to get full custody. She takes her anger out on the 8 year old and pushes him away. She can't handle him at all. I just feel so stuck. My husband is currently looking for a job so I think when he gets one we will call cps. I don't want the kids to suffer any more than they have too.

[deleted account]

I understand you don't want to cause trouble, but trouble has already started with what she is doing... Call CPS, see what happens, but in the meantime, you need to try to find a lawyer and some way to pay for them. These children need to get out of that house... It is wrong that these kids are being locked in an attic, which should not even be allowed to be a room and with the ten year old taking a shower with the 6 yr old, that is even more wrong. She is going to start puberty soon and a boy his age should not be seeing the things he is being exposed to because of this mother... She needs her privacy first and foremost... You have to do something... please... for the sake of your children

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