New to the site - I am a step-mom

Allision - posted on 07/01/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hello! My name is Allision and I am 28 years old. I live in Ohio and have 3 step-children. My husband and I also have a 4 year old daughter together. I have been a step-mom going on 6 years now. A year ago in June my husband and I received temporary custody of 2 of my step-kids.

There is a legal situation behind this. My stepkids are 15 yr old boy, 13 yr old boy and 10 yr old girl. There mother would leave the 15 yr old in charge of the other 2. The 15 yr old beat the 13 yr old and did nasty things to the 10 yr old. We are currently in the process of trying to get permanent custody of the 2 youngest children. The oldest is 2.5 hrs away with his grandparents. This is a very difficult situation. The children never had discipline, their mom wasn't involved in the school or any or their work. They were pretty much allowed to do what they wanted to do. When school was in session they would go to school, their mom would be home. By the time school was out then she would be at work. They would be at home all alone until around 12 at night. In our home there are 2 of us. There is constantly someone home. We have a babysitter if we need one. There are lots of problems we are having due to the way these children were raised.

One being a problem with lying. They lye constantly. They don't do what you ask them to do. They make excuses for not doing chores. We are having a struggle with the 10 yr old the most at the moment. They are both cognitively delayed. They are not at the level of learning as other kids their age.

At the time my stepkids see their mom once every two weeks for 2 hours. They talk to her for a half hour once a week and an hour on the weekend. Lately my stepson has not wanted to talk to nor see his mom. Our 10 yr old however struggles with issues and her emotions. Their mom doesn't talk to them about their feelings. She states she is not allowed. There is so much to this situation that I could go on and on. I just want to know if there is any advice from anyone that could maybe help with our situation. Discipline is a big issue and them getting along with their mom is as well.



I hope I didn't tell to much but I wanted to get the point across. Any advice, help or whatever would be great. Thanks!!!! I hope I can learn alot from this site.

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4 Comments

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Allision - posted on 10/21/2009

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I am writing to try and get more help on this situation.

Since this last post I have had lots of problems. I for one found out that my husband had been trying to get with a women he met online. He was speaking to her online all the time and she was calling our home. It came about because I found information online. It is really upsetting to me because I am trying to stick by his side and figure all this out. I have not been completely innocent in other ways though. I have opened my mouth and spoke rather loudly about how I feel about my step-childrens BM. I have gotten in trouble for this. In July 2009 we had our last hearing....or so we thought. We were really hoping for custody of the kids. We have been delayed 6 more months due some incidents that have happened. To make matters a little worse my SD told her mom at the beginning of Oct that she wanted to go back and live with her. She really doesn't though. My SD was mad at us for diciplining her and so she said that.

We continue to have the problems with these kids not doing chores or not listening to what they are told. My SD is not giving us school papers or bringing them home.

My husband and I are having lots of troubles between each other. We have had huge fights which I know are not good for the kids. I have left 2 times already and last night about made the 3rd time. We are all in counseling but noone seems to be budging on makeing this family work. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am a very mad and angry person. I feel pooped on by husband for doing what he did behind my back. I feel like I am not a part of this family due the fact that I am the SM. I have been told that I am not making any decisions in what happens to my SK. I was told that by the legal people in this matter. I am ticked. Is there anyone that can help me before I lose it all. I have gone crazy or so I feel. I am not the person I want to be anymore.

Leaha - posted on 07/01/2009

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Hi Allsion. I don't know how much help I can be, but wanted to welcome you to the group/site. There are lots of moms on here that I'm sure will be able to help you out. I can certainly understand your struggles and feelings, my daughter is 8 1/2 and when she goes to her dads she has no rules and has ''free rain'' of the house. She also has ADHD and they refuse to give her medication, so when she comes home she is a holy terror! My step kids are the same way, they're younger but are complete spoiled little brats, it really makes visitation time a pain because I feel like I am being so mean to them when they are here, but I really have a hard time with letting kids rule the roost. Sounds like you have taken the right steps in getting your kiddos out of the situation with their BM, but Ohio court systems are a pain in the @ss! We've been fighting for 10 years for visitation with my oldest SD, her BM moved them out of state to Kentucky and my husband has gotten the run-around from the courts for ever. No one seems to know where they are, but he keeps paying child support, so you would think someone would know where they are! With your two youngest being in the pre-teen hormonal age group, there's probably going to be a lot of problems! I'm sure that your SD is really missing her mother, but maybe you and her have a closer relationship because of the situation? And maybe your SS is just flat out angry at his BM for not being there? I don't know. Hang in there girl!

Kimi - posted on 07/01/2009

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I would recomend getting them some counceling but I'm sure you already thought of that. This sounds like a terrible situation for these poor children. You and your husband should do whatever you can to keep them permanatly.

Megan - posted on 07/01/2009

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I can't really help because it sounds like there are some major issues with these children. Stay strong. I hope it works out positively! I wanted to say we are having a big problem with my 10 year old SS lying and even stealing from his brother. We had the same problem when my 15 year old SS was that age. I think some of the lying at least might be a stage.