New Year Same Old Crap

Erin - posted on 01/06/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

7

30

0

To start off I hope everyone had a really nice christmas and wish you all the best in this new year.

I love being a step mom greatly because over the years I've gotten to watch the kids gorw in many ways, the only down side is still the birth mom/ ex-wife. My fiance has gone way more above and byond for this women yet she still craves for more and when she doesn't get her way she resorts to makeing threats and with holds the kids from us like their puppets. This christmas was a very tireing one I just don't enjoy it as much as I used to and I love christmas the best part was when I made things for people this year it was DVD slide shows, I recieved alot of positive feedback at my work and how professional it looked. I have even made one for the ex wife last year, this year her family requested some for themselves. I had no problems because I rather like her family and they've had no problem accepting me into their and the kids lives they have said I do a wonderful job with the kids and I too love them like they were my own. On christmas morning rob and I went to the ex-wifes to be there with the kids when they open their gifts it was kind of hard to watch laura(the ex wife) exchange gifts with her bf because rob was too nice enough to give her more money upon request after he had given her child support so she can get the kids some gifts. I myself had saved up for months getting rob and the kids their gifts and rob told me he felt bad for not getting me anything but I told him the only thing that matters is the kids it was fine. we haven't been able to exchange gifts for 3 years now because he helps out his ex wife more than he should even has paied off her bills which leaves us constantly short handed and all she does is show she's very two faced when she wants something she's sweet but when something doesn't go her way she pulls out the big guns which is threats and with holds the kids. Now she's demanding more for CP and assumes we have money to burn the last time I actually bought myself clothes was the same time I had my job before I had to quit which was also 3 years ago, my friend from high school gives me her old clothes and the money I do get for doing in home child care (cause I passed that course I may as well use it) I give the money to rob so we can pay the bills off. What she doesn't know is that half the money I make does go to her and I feel so used but I do whatever I can for the kids, gift cards I recieve for birthdays or christmas's I use on the kids. Now since she's demanding more money she's taking rob to social services on the 20th with the hopes that rob makes good on her demands. She has tried and pulled out many stops to get rid of me even called me one day and tried to exploite a hard trith that I already knew but chose to stick around because I love him and the kids too much. I'm just so lost and wondering how spiteful this one person is just to get her own way. I don't know what to do I've been so depressed and was on anti depressants but chose to get off them because it didn't do anything for me if theres any advice out there I'd greatly welcome it.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

6 Comments

View replies by

Erin - posted on 01/19/2009

7

30

0

Hi there



I'd really like to thank everyone for their helpful advice, I've taken it to heart and had even discussed my main issues with rob to which is still in discussion I however won't give in so the unreasonable demands because this is my life with him and the kids and you were right what we do with the kids on our time is our business. So thank you all once again I till look forward to helpful tips in the future because dakotas not gunna stay a kid forever and those pre-teen years are just commin up quiclky. lol



thanks and luv you all.

Sarah - posted on 01/07/2009

52

35

7

We have experienced the withholding thing, that is aweful. After 1 serious incident my husband finally went to court with his ex. This may not happen for everyone but my husband ended up paying half of what he was paying his ex for child support. Now it's all tracked so she can not try to use him. They also can not take money from me to pay her. AND the visitation is seperate so even if he were to get behind on payments she can not legally withhold my SD. Things for everyone involved improved dramatically after all that got established. I personally believe that to be a good mom/stepmom that I need to take care of myself. I'm frugal and responsible too so no big shopping sprees etc. Once in a while I go ahead and get that something. Hair, massage or something that makes me feel good. I'm worth it and my kids are too! You deserve it - with how responsible you are I bet your husband wouldn't be upset. My husband always commends me when I take and do something for me - he says I don't do it enough so I say pick that one thing - go take care of yourself and encourage your husband to stand up for himself and make that situation more right. it will be healthier for everyone (even tho his ex might spit fire for a while she'll get over it eventually)

Sarah - posted on 01/07/2009

4

24

0

It is always the same old crap with the ex-wives... I think there must be an online course somewhere on how to be a disaster for these gals...  Just muck thru it ...  I've been at it almost 6 years and my husband's ex wife is STILL a nightmare, although less than at the beginning.  I've learned to just give exactly what the court papers call for- no more, no less.  I've learned to be civil but NOT to attempt to be her friend or even nice, really.  I"ve learned to NOT let her upset me and my family because it is exactly what she wants to do and I refuse to gvive her the satisfaction.  This all takes time, unfortunately, i know of no other solutions besides the courts. 

Nicole - posted on 01/07/2009

33

11

2

Your situation sounds just like mine. My husband and I are always doing more than our share for his children then the mom and she has custody. She actually calls almost everyother day and asks when my husband will be getting his unemployment so she can wait for her child support and had the nerve to ask how much and when I get paid. Now we just let the machine pick up the calls and screen what she wants, if it is not an emergency or drop off or pick up times for the kids we will not answer the phone for her. I tried to be friendly, take her to the store if she needed-since she does not have a car, keep the kids extra times, but finally I talked with my husband and said enough is enough

Heather - posted on 01/07/2009

44

123

6

I am so sorry to hear you are going through all ths!   You need to start doing some things for yourself.  You sounds like a wonderful person who cares a great deal for other people.  If we don't take care of ourselves, no one else will!  If you ever need to talk, hit me up!!!!  Take care!

Amanda - posted on 01/06/2009

2

6

2

Wow, you sound like me, I guess the difference here is that i am a step mom, but i also have a son to my ex. My ex and his partner and I are civil and thats all that needs to be as far as I am concerned, for my son inparticular he is 10 and I have been divorced from his Dad for 9 years so he grew up seeing his dad when his dad wanted him, I have never threatened or forced payments from my ex even though i am entitled to it, i just thought that if this is it then i will slave my ass off and get the things my son wants myself, i take alot of pride in that. You are very brave to do the xmas thing with the ex, i actually cant sit in the same room as the other woman, but i can chat nicely to her on the phone, i know she cares about my son and that is all that matters, we share xmas by breaking it into two one has the mroning one year the other has the afternoon, we do trhe same with my step son.



As for my step sons mom, well she is another cattle of fish, very much like the woman you ahave described as your partners ex, and believe me sometimes being nice and sharing gets you no where, i have learnt that it is best to chat on the phone, on pick up or drop offs but as for friendly chats and coffee etc not possible. My partner was made redundant and lucky i have a good job, so i supported all of us, We have the kids weeek on week off, and pay fifty fifty on schooling and other items the kids need, other than that things like toys and clothes well its get your own. Well just before shcool finished she (parnters ex_) called to say that she cant afford the school fees and could we pay them and that she would pay us back. Well she hasnt paid us back and yells at me saying that i should understand where she is coming from and that i should make sure that she gets money. Well I refuse to give her any cold hard cash, we pay for the sschooling and items like that, but she wont ever reeive a cent of me again. The first time i did this was for her to by school clothes and did she buy them no she spent the money and spent the next four weeks lying about it. So i was pretty shattered.



My suggestion is if you can next Xmas , line it up so you each have the kids half the day, they unwarp pressies at  her house then at yours and believe me it is so much more rewarding and so much more intimate as a family

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms