not allowed to see my grandchildren

Audrey - posted on 04/28/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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it has hurt me so much that my husband and I arn't allowed to see our grandchildren, our first were born over 2yrs ago, beautiful twins, girl and a boy, our daughter in-law doesn't like me, don't know why, I gave her all the love I had in me,spoilt the twins, gave them so much love, but it seems like it wasn't enough, I loved my daughter in-law, having lost my only daughter some years ago, it was so nice to have a girl in my life again, but it didn't last long, My husband and I were pushed out of their lifes and havn't seen the twins or the new baby, the twins wouldn't know us now as its been 18months since we seen them, how do I cope with this, I havn't any friends or family, only another son who is brilliant and a husband, my family are all in uk.

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Amanda - posted on 04/30/2009

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I feel so much for you right now it hurts.

Right now I myself am going through a difficult time with my hubbys family, its devastating. I did everything in my power to get along with his family, even though I didnt fit in. They like to drink heavily an also liked to use "recreational drugs" .

I told them from the get go I dont care what you guys do, dont have it around me!

Well when my son was born, my hubbys step mother decided to take it into her own hands on telling me how I should raise my son. It didnt sit too well with me.

One weekend we went up to their home an I left my month old son with her for like 5 minutes (cause I had to use the bathroom) an I found her up in her room rolling a marijuana smoke with my baby on her lap! All hell broke loose.

From then on I was kinda hesitant even being around them. 9 mts later my hubby I decided to get married, at our wedding his step mother made a huge scene. Over something I had said to my husband, nobody else when we were in our lil cabin getting comfy clothes on after our wedding. By this time his step mother was so drunk she had fallen down the stairs. But still managed to get everyone fighting.

Now on with his real mother. I loved her so much like my own mom. She was having problems with her new boyfriend, they had split up. An she called me crying. So I told her she was coming to live with us till she could get back on her own feet. I got my dad to go pick her up an take her away from that situation. So she came an lived with us, eveything was going well, my hubby went to his parents for thanksgiving an his mother myself an my son went to my parents. It was nice.

Then we get back from the lil holiday, get back to real life. I was working over nights, my hubby works days so we can always have our son instead of daycare. With her living with us the only job she had was to look after my son for 2 hrs in the morning so I could get a few hours of sleep. Well it was okay for a while. Then one day I heard her tell my son to shut up an that she wasnt ready to make breakfast yet, so my son (who was 2) came running into my bedroom an said mommy I so hungery I sorry. An he was crying because he thought he did something wrong. Well I got up an just looked at her an I wanted to rip her throat out. How dare you. Then my hubby got home from work an we sat down to a nice dinner which I made again, it was pretty quiet then I had to start getting ready for work an my son wanted to play with his grandma so he was bringing toys to her an he tried to tickle her an she said he hit her with horrible force. My husband laughed, an said suck it up hes a lil boy. Well when I heard her fly off at the mouth I came out to hear her say if you dont dicipline your child I will be doing it. He deserves a smack on the ass for what he has done to me. (Keep in mind this is one of the laziest woman I have ever come in contact with) I point blankly told her you touch one hair on my sons head an 2 things could happen to you. You could go to jail or you might not be found. Then she told me she was going to charge me for my 2 yr old son abusing her...... Anyways I told her to leave my house. An if she wants a relationship with her son by all mans but she will never see us again. Recently I told my husband to invite his mother to our house, as long as she respects my household.

I'am very lucky because I still have my parents, which I consider the worlds greatest grandparents. They love my son so much. They are the only ones that havent stepped on anybodys toes. My hubbys family disrespects me, spreads rumours around about me. Lies to my hubby all the time. An then they think they have rights to my son.

I would give anything to have a peaceful family, but that will never happen.



From what you have said, you an your husband sound like my parents. You said that your Daughter in-law has a problem.. She does shes jealous for the fact if you have her kids around you they could be happy. An that makes her made because she then has no control over anything. Right now shes got all the control, who they can see an who her husband can see. Deep down your son misses you more then words can express, an it hurts him deeply that your not allowed to have a relationship with his family.

It was already stated write notes to your grandkids, tell them how much they mean to you. Dont just do it on holidays send them mail whenever. An alittle advice make it a big envelope so you can send things that they would also like (cause right now they cant read) send stickers and colouring books things like that. Also write your son, tell him how much it breaks your heart not being in his life.



You sound like you could use a friend, Ill be here for you. Everyone needs someone to talk too..



sincerey your friend

Amanda

Brittania - posted on 04/29/2009

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I understand where you're DIL is coming from. I too, restrict the time my daughte spends with her paternal grandparents. I feel that they are manipulative and don't have her best interest at heart. They are also completely disrespect to me and my feelings. I could only put up with this for so long before I cracked. My question would be- how does your DIL get along with your son? There may be some bad blood there as well. My advice to you would be to respect your DIL's boundaries. If you respect her, she might be more willing to compromise in the future.

Amanda - posted on 04/28/2009

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If you don't mind me asking why are you all the way in Australia if your family is in the UK? Is it a job or you and your husband liked Australia?? I am sorry you can't see your grandchildren. Grandparents that are within driving distance of their grandchildren and are allowed to see them but don't make time are missing out. They don't know what they are missing. I only hope that in time you will be able to patch up whatever is wrong between your daughter in law and you. I am also sorry about your daughter. Sorry I couldn't help more. Maybe you could call your son and ask him to explain what went wrong?

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17 Comments

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Audrey - posted on 05/10/2009

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how are you doing? just popped by to say hi!!, hope you had a great mothers day. lol xAudrey

Audrey - posted on 05/06/2009

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thank you soo much for replying, you are so right in what you say, I will consider it.

Ann - posted on 05/06/2009

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Grand parents also have there rights to see the children whether the parents like it or not! Speak to a solicitor or even a local court they will tell you your rights as a grand parent and then go full steam ahead,Grand parents are just as impotant to the children as the parents are and there mother needs to realize that, and if she doesn't the kids will hate her for it.Good luck and I hope you see your grand babies soon.

Audrey - posted on 05/04/2009

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you are sooo right in all you say, now when we were all friends, I felt like I had to walk on egg shells whenever we were all together, it was a matter of saying yes-no-ok, so afraid I may say the wrong thing, that is about the only good thing that has happened since we went apart, I fell free to be myself again and not worry, it still hurts, always will,one thing she cant take away from me is my memories, my beautiful twins, I had 18mth of shear happiness with those little ones, I managed to steal afew pics of them from face book, if my dil ever found out she would go mad,even though it hurt sooo much to see how they have grown,I just couldnt help myself, my hubby says I'm just punishing myself, I do cry a lot,like I said, noe one can take the memories away from me, have a wonderful mums day.

Kimi - posted on 05/04/2009

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Sounds like she is a very unreasonable lady. Your poor son must be misrable on the inside. Eventually he will get fed up with her and leave. Then you will be able to see the grandkids through him only. Don't try so hard to be friends with this lady. She is bad for you. If she ever allows you back into her life just say as little as possible to her and keep a low profile. I find that helps when dealing with people like her. The less you say the less she will be able to misinterpate and use against you. Don't let her ruin you because she dosn't diserve that type of satisfaction.

I have a wonderfull MIL but she had some problem pleasing my husband's ex wife, it's like she didn't feel diserving of happiness and had to sabatoge herself. Now she has a new DIL... me! Best of all I'm compleatly normal. I hope you can have the same happy ending as she now has. (it must sound horrible that I am saying your son needs a divorce but sometimes it is nessisary in order for both people to truly be happy again)

Audrey - posted on 05/02/2009

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my grandchildren are only 2 and then there's the new baby 2mths old, they won't even get my letters, if I know ny sons wife she will put them in the bin, i still feel for her though, she really does have a problem, hey!!

Audrey - posted on 04/30/2009

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what an incredable lady you are!! your husband and parents must be so proud of you, I feel so much for you, you poor love having to put up with that terrible woman, children are very presious,you made sence of what you said, I would love to keep intouch. I did try to give things to my grandchildren, it gets thrown in the bin and they said they don't want anything from us, now they are causing problems in the family in the uk, my husband and I just want to be left alone in peace, it hurt me so much at the time that I went into deep depression, like when I lost my only daughter,I saw a shrink to help me cope with life and she sugested that I should leave well alone and think only of myself and husband and my other son, that way no one can hurt me, I am now afraid of getting close to friends incase I get let down again, and if my dil did get in touch and we all became friends again, will she do it again?? I couldn't take it. thank you for replying have a good day lol. Audrey

Audrey - posted on 04/30/2009

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and remember I lost my daughter when she was just 20yrs old, I idolise any young girls, and my daughter in-law was a blessing for me and it helped me so much,

Audrey - posted on 04/30/2009

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you realy don't understand!! my daughter in-law and I got on great at one time,I gave her so much love, took her into my home when she didn't get on with her mum, [before they were married] I did everything for her,washed, ironed, cooked meals, bought her cloths ect, don't get me wrong, I totaly enjoyed doing it, the pleasure was all mine, I spoilt her and loved her to bits, she always said I was great, a relation came over from uk for the wedding and that's when everything went wrong, he told her and my son some horrid tales about me, which they believed, after the wedding they never spoke again until the twins were born at 28wks, I think they both thought that the twins weren't going to make it, so they asked us to see them, which we did straight away, all was good and again she praised me for my kindness and said she wishes her mum was the same as me, I said she is still your mum and i'm sure she will always be there for you, I never pulled any of her family down, I am a christian and try to help people the best I can, I feel so sorry for her as I think she has a problem, it seems she doesn't like to share my son with me, for instance, my young son who is 18mts younger than her and her husband [my son] had a new girlfriend, she instantly didn't like her then I had a word with her and they became very good friends which pleased me and everyone, but, she didn't want me when she got a new friend,she has loads of family and heaps of friends, but on 3 occasions, each time she gets a new friend she dumps me and refuses my husband and I to see the grandchildren, it's such a long story and hard to explain, I swear I never ever did anything to hurt her or my son, he just does what his wife tells him, I wouldn't even mind what you have done, restrict time spent, but she says never will we see them again, so cruel for us but even more cruel for the kids, they wont even know us now it's been so long, and I do understand you, there are some grand parents out there who are like yours, it's so sad how they can be like that, I walked on egg shells whilst we were all friends, said yes, no, afraid to say too much incase she fell out with me again, as I said I really do feel for her, she has a problem.

Jamie - posted on 04/29/2009

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I know in the US grandparents have rights and can take the parents to court to get time, just like one parent can take the other.You may want to look into your local courts and see about that.

Amanda - posted on 04/29/2009

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Well I would send cards for their birthdays and maybe slip a letter in every birthday and for the holidays even if they don't read them. It shows that you were making an effort. I don't know, just a suggestion.

Audrey - posted on 04/29/2009

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thank you so much for replying, I have asked my son to explain, he just does what his wife tells him, I just live from day to day and as long as every one is happy and healthy, thats what matters, it's just ashame my grankids are missing out on so much love from my husband and I. We moved to Australia 17yrs ago to give our 2 boys a better future, my husband will never go back to the uk, so I'm stuck here on my own.

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