Fallon - posted on 01/01/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )
I usually just creep on here & answer or give advice when I can. But when it comes to my current situation, I'm at my wits end.
My SD is 12 & my husband & I have joint custody. Our visitation is every other weekend and 6 weeks in the summer. She lives with her BM which is about 40 min from us. BM lives with a guy & has 2 children with him. From what SD has told me in the past 7 years I've been in her life, things there have always been up & down to say the least. But here lately things have gotten worse, nothing as serious as drug use or anything like that.
BM's boyfriend has apparently never liked her, he treats her like she's not part of their family & even encourages the other kids to tell her about all of the 'fun' things they did while she was at her dad's. He also refuses to 'babysit' her so when her mom is at work & she's not at school she has to go to her grandparents because she is not welcome in her own home.
She also complains about her BM lying to her all the time about things. This poor girl knows more about her mother's personal life than any kid should. My husband & her divorced cause she was cheating, well it sounds as if she is still doing this cause SD is always talking bout 'new friend' of her mom's that they go over to his house & he comes over when boyfriend isn't there. Even told about a camping trip where boyfriend was there, then left for work, & BM slept in tent with other guy instead of tent with her kids! After that incident, SD said that this guy won't leave her mom alone because supposedly she said she was leaving boyfriend for him but she changed her mind.
I'm also worried about her in school. She goes to a quite large school, which is also the kinda 'overflow' school I guess you could call it. Her grades there aren't so bad but I'm worried she's one of those overlooked kids because she struggles reading books to my 1 year old. Like today I had to help her with the word goggles. She said she'd never seen it before, she's in the 7th grade!!
Well, she's said before that she really wants to come live with us but she worries about who will take care of her brother & sister because she gets up early everyday & gets them ready for school. Which breaks my heart that she has to do all this stuff, taking care of them, when her mother should be doing it. But here lately when she talks about things getting worse & how crappy the boyfriend makes her feel as soon as we tell her she can come here whenever, she shuts down. Don't know if her mother has been filling her head with crap again (she tried telling her she wants to come live with us & her mother convinced her that we were trying to take her away & that she would never be able to see any of them ever again) we explained to her we would just switch visitation. But I just feel like it could be sooo much better for her here but not sure how to make her see it before it's too late & all of this negativity towards her does a number on her self esteem. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!