Recently found out my step-son hates me and always has despite his front

Sara - posted on 10/31/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I found out a couple of months ago that my 21 year old step-son doesnt like me and never has despite pretending like he does for 10 years. I'm really hurt by this revalation and i dont know how to deal with it. I know it shouldnt matter if he does or doesnt i'm a parent and its not my job to be liked but to be a good parent first and foremost, but it cuts deep. Am I being petty about this? How do I get over it? How do I prevent this from eating away at me?

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Di - posted on 10/31/2009

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Hi Sara. You poor thing. Of course it cuts deeply and no you aren't being petty. There are times when my eldest stepdaughter has been caught out the same way, but on a smaller level. It hurts like hell and it is a huge betrayal. How do you get over it, firstly by grieving and then by forgiving him. Hand it over to God (or whoever or whatever you believe in). You can either let this ruin your life or you can let it go and get on with living knowing you have tried your best. My thinking is that if you hang on to it, then he can keep hurting you without even trying to. He is an adult now. Let him face the consequences of what he has done. You will be in situations where you have to be around him and if you are civil then you aren't sinking to his level. You don't have to be friendly even. Stay above it all. I hope that one day you may be able to sit down and talk to him about it. Until then, I hope time will help heal you. Good luck, and if you want someone to vent to, I am here for you.

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Jennifer - posted on 11/09/2009

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Hi Sara

I am sorry I don't have any answers because I recently found out my 2 of my 4 step-kids don;t like me either and I know it hurts!



I heard the 2 youngest (a boy 15 and a girl 13) tallking in the basement and heard them say they"hated"me and wanted to inject me with the swine flu virus.I was shocked!!



These kids have been living here a year.Their mom passed away a little over a year ago.



I thought I had a great relationship with these kids.I have 2 of my own and I honestly treat them all equally.In fact,at times,I am harder on my own kids because I know my step-kids were in the room with their mom when she passed from a heart attack at the age of 45.So I lay off ALOT!



I can't tell you how shocked and hurt I am.We always joke together,go shopping together and I am their primary guardian as their dad (my husband) works 800 miles away.



I do not think you are being petty.It hurts!Maybe you could talk to him and find out why he doesn't like you and go from there?



I wish you the best of luck.I know how deeply it hurts.I hope you guys can talk and work this out.The fact that you are hurt so much shows how much you love him!



Best of luck......hugs to you!

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