Santa vs. No Santa

Christine - posted on 12/21/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have decided not to participate in the Santa part of Christmas. We have a tree and presents, but we are not telling out children that Santa brought anything. We will tell them abot Santa, but make sure that they understand that it is only a fairy tale, like Snow White and any of the the other Disney movies. My step's sons Mom has gone like hog wild with Santa. I am just not sure how to treat the situation when my Step Son brings up Santa. Do I just go witht he flow of his mother or do I explain to him like I would explain to my daughter. I don't want him to teach my daughter either.

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Natasha - posted on 12/22/2009

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I do not agree with the "no santa" thing issue but you know what is best for your child. The reason that I say this, however, is that we have to teach our children to have an imagination, to believe in things that are unseen. IE if you are religious, how would you expect them to believe in your god? Germs they cannot see, gravity, time, love ... all these things are unseen. While you said that snow white and other Disney characters are all fairy tale; Santa was real at one time. This site http://www.thehistoryofchristmas.com/sc/... gives a great account of the story of St. Nicholas, which became Santa Claus.

Sorry, now to your question. If one child is taught Santa and another is not. How do you handle that? It depends on exactly what you've told your children. Did you expressly say "there is no such thing as santa"? or have you just never talked about it? If you said there is no such thing, then you need to explain to your children that other people believe differently and that is is not our place to correct them. If it is the latter, this is a great opprutunity to take avantage of. You can either decided on teaching about santa or allow the children to simply learn about him from the others. Then tell the story of the real santa and let them decide whether he is real to them or not. JMHO

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Lanaya - posted on 12/28/2009

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I also don't agree with the whole Santa thing i don't want my daughter to believing the hype. When my SS asked me about I told him that "Santa and I aren't friends and that is why he doesn't come to my house" and he said "that means you had to buy all the presents your self" he persisted and I told him that "Santa only comes if you believe in him" and "I don't believe in him so Santa doesn't come to see me anymore" and he was puzzled then he left it alone. He is 6. I don't want to knock his belief but I don't want to be fake either. I don't know if that helps:-)

[deleted account]

I agree with Betty - it's something that you can tell your step son "We choose not to believe Santa is bringing the toys" - - when the time is right. Until then - I think Christmas Eve with BM is an option - - or telling him - - "Santa doesn't bring toys to our house, but that doesn't stop him from coming to your BM's house".

If your bio-kids already have the don't believe in Santa - then you can explain to them aside from your SS that - he gets presents "from" Santa at his mom's house, but they should understand who is giving the presents. And as long as they are getting presents on Christmas morning - - kids don't really give a toot who they are from!

When I was a kid, we were too poor to have Santa. Literally - - the only presents we got came from Charity. We never believed in Santa and looking back - it wasn't awful. The only thing that was bad was my first year of school, I blurted out "Santa isn't real" the day before Santa came to visit our kindergarten class - - and I had to sit in the office when Santa came because I was "ruining it for the other kids"

Betty - posted on 12/24/2009

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I would just like to add that my SD who is four knows that her BM doesn't believe in Santa and seems to be fine with it. But BM told SD early on that she didn't believe so it wasn't a big deal breaker. We tell SD that a lot of people don't believe in Santa and that's fine. In our home we believe in Santa and SD plays along as if she does too. Although, she may just think it's fun to pretend with us, it might not be a solid belief.
I hope you enjoy your Christmas morning. Let us know how it goes.

Natasha - posted on 12/23/2009

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Angele, great advice! That's an interesting concept - Santa goes where you are on Christmas Eve! But what happens when the child tells his siblings Santa came last night to my house - what did you get from him? It's easier to tell a child that "outsiders" are wrong about whether or not Santa is real. It's a different story when it's family. You have to be able to blindly trust family as a child ... this is a tricky one!

Angele - posted on 12/23/2009

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Let your stepchild spend Christmas Eve at his mother's house and Santa only goes there. You left out how old these children are, age plays a big factor on how to handle this situation. We have always done Santa goes where you spend Christmas Eve. I think it should be discussed with his mother how she would like to handle this also since it does pretain with her.

Nikki - posted on 12/23/2009

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Hi Christine. I think you need to be very careful with how you explain it to your kids, because as we all know, kids tend to talk in the playground. I know I blurted to my sister that Santa wasn't real, and got quite an earful from my parents! The last thing you want is angry parents at the other end of the phone/on your doorstep....



I agree with another poster, that it's not your place to tell your stepson that Santa isn't real. But maybe you can come up with another family tradition that would include your stepson and maybe divert his attention a little? Maybe open 1 pressie on Christmas Eve, or a small present on the end of the bed from you and your hubby.



It's not an easy task, trying to combine two different household ideas and merge into one.

Marissa - posted on 12/22/2009

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what's with the theory that your kids wont trust you because you lied about Santa being real. If this were true then pretty much all of America wouldn't trust their parents, would they?
So why ruin the fun and magic of Santa for your kids? Why not let them have some fun for a couple years?

Christine - posted on 12/21/2009

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To all of you who feel that Santa is necessary:
My husband and I have already mae up our mind about Santa. We do not want our children believing that he is real, and then finding out later that he is not. I love to watch Santa cartoons and read all of the Santa books, just like I did when I was a kid. I knew from an extremly early age that he wasn't real and I lived a perfectly normal childhood. Santa can still be fun, even if they know that he is a fairy tale. Children only think that he is real when they are taught that he is real. My husband grew up without Christmas at all. His family and the chruch they were in just did not celebrate it, along with various other holidays. He also had a loving and normal childhood.
My question was not whether or not to believe in Santa, my question was on how to deal with the two different households. If your answer does not pertain to this question, please do not leave a comment. Telling me that Santa is the way to go will not change my mind. I would like some suggestions on how to deal with my ss.
Thank You.

[deleted account]

Christine, it is truly up to you and your husband and how you want to parent your kids. Don't let anyone tell you what you're doing is wrong if it is your belief. My parents never did the whole Santa thing. They just always told us that other kids believed in it and for us not to spoil it for them. They taught us that Jesus blessed us with all the gifts. This Christmas we'll only have our 18 month old so we aren't doing anything from Santa. When our SD is with us we will do the whole Santa thing because that is what she believes in and we've agreed not to ruin it for her. We will also teach our girls the true meaning of Christmas. I'm also a 1st grade teacher and I tell my kids all the time that I still believe and that I am friends with Santa. It really crushes the kids that do believe when others tell them the Santa is fake and he's only your parents.

Betty - posted on 12/21/2009

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You have no right to tell your step son that Santa is pretend! If he is waking up Christmas morning at your house you better have Santa gifts ready for him because he will be so sad and it will ruin the day for all of you if you don't.
If you tell him Santa is fake he will most likely just not believe you anyway and if he does believe you than he will go to school telling all the kids and the kids will think he is so stupid because of it. Why would a young child believe someone telling them Santa is fake? Little kids love Santa!
My step daughter is 4 and her mother has tried telling her that Santa isn't real but she doesn't believe her. She still talks about Santa all the time with us and it has been very fun hearing her talk about the naughty and nice list. I told her that some people just don't believe in Santa but I do and she chose to believe in him. I think she is still skeptical but that just adds to the fun and teaches her a lesson in faith. My step daughter knows her mom just hates Christmas anyway so of course Santa wouldn't visit bio-mom's house.

Elise - posted on 12/21/2009

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You have to do what you think is right for your family. Children whose parents live in different houses and go between different families learn very early that different households have different rules and traditions.



I've never understood why parents cling to Santa when someday they will learn that you've been lying to them all these years. How do you expect your kids to trust you? They will learn -- sooner or later -- that there's no such thing as Santa. If your stepson learns that there's no such thing as Santa in your house, he'll be better prepared. You don't have to tell him it's a total lie. YOu can just tell him that we don't believe in Santa in this house. In our house, we all buy each other gifts and our Christmas tradition is x.y.z. No judgment. No burst bubble. And, when he has a lovely time and absorbs that Christmas can be fun without Santa, he'll be better prepared when he finally has to learn to that there really is no such thing as Santa.

[deleted account]

Well I am sorry but I don't agree with that either!!! We are absolutely loving christmas this year my 3year old is so excited. All she wants is a play dough toy at £15 ish and santa is going to bring it!! She is so interested. your little one will be surrounded with people /kids who believe and I think they will keep questioning , just in case!!!
Please don't take one of most majical experiences you have as a child away from your daughter!! Trust me you will have a better christmas!! And this is my personal feeling but, I hope you take our advice!!!

[deleted account]

I'm sorry and i don't mean to sound like a bitch if i do, but i don't agree with ur not particitpating in the santa thing... honestly, it ruins things for kids... it makes them believe in all sorts of things and helps them have a wide imagination... and then if ur daughter knows santa isn't real, she is going to ruin all the excitement for all the other kids around her... i'm sorry but i just think it is wrong and u should go along along with santa until they are about 7... then they can know the truth... it is a part of childhood and like i said, it helps to broaden their imagination... seriously... if they know santa isnt real and they never had the opportunity to believe in anything magical, then why are they going to want to read books about fantasies or if u are religious, why would they believe in god and jesus if they can't see them??? it will hurt them in the future, but that is my opinion...

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