SD 11 talking about making out......

Sarah - posted on 01/20/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I check my SD's email and myspace because I know her parents do not. I am not checking to be nosy but for safety. I have only taken action for safety once so far when I found she was friends with a 23 yr old male on myspace- I just deleted him. If I had the choice there would be no myspace account. I would say it's pretty easy to scan for safety and let the social life be, they need to learn some things on their own. Today the messages I read between her and her boyfriend was her asking him to the movies this weekend but then they would not watch the movie, they would make out. SD is with us this weekend and we have our first meeting with SD and the family therapist. It should be mostly a get to know ya meeting - I'll probably stick to just watching for safety issues but I'm saddened that she seems to be kind of promiscuous like. I'm open to support or advice in addition to my prayers for her.

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Sarah - posted on 01/23/2009

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Thanks for your imput ladies, I'm glad I have this place to bounce things off people like you. I would not suprise everyone by bringing up such issues in front of the therapist. My main concern is safety and her Dad is aware of all of this. I anticipate being as supportive as I can while he tries to figure out some of the "new" parenting skills he is going to need. This is something maybe the therapist can help him and us with at sessions that do not include SD.

Dawn - posted on 01/23/2009

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I think there's a fine line for you because you are not her bio parent.  How or even if you do anything with this really depends on your relationship with her.  I am all for spying on kids.  I don't mean adult kids I mean little kids.  It is a parent's responsibility to make sure your child is safe and at 11 years old she is far too young not to be watched carefully.  My SS's are 11 and 12.  There has been just a couple of times I"ve caught them doing something they shouldn't (like going to Playboy.com) and I let their Dad handle that.



If you have a good relationship with her, talk to her about her boyfriend, see what she'll tell you.  My SS's are more comfortable talking to me and their Dad about girls than they are their mom. 



I think it all depends on your relationship with her.  This situation definately needs to be addressed - not in front of the theripist though.  She'll be embarrassed.



Talk to her Dad.

Christy - posted on 01/23/2009

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When I worked in child protective services I showed a few parents how to scan their kids myspace accounts.  I agree with you about the myspace, kids shouldn't have one but if they do it NEEDS to be monitored.  It can be tricky depeding on your relationship with her and her mother. Has anyone talked with her about sex and relationships yet?  It may be a bad idea to confront her with that information just yet. You'll end up being the bad guy for "spying" on her.  You may want to look at some groups for girls. There are some old ones like girl scouts or girls and boys clubs but there are some new ones that focuse on impowering girls.  I found that many young girls get involved with promiscuous behavors because they think they need a boyfrind to be accepted and they have to have sex (in some form) to have a boyfriend.  The frightning trend has been that girls your SDs age have started giving oral sex to boys or having anal sex that way they were still "virgins".  Its twisted logic but there are a surprising number of girls in the tween age group doing that.  I would keep a close eye on her if I were you.  If your relationship with the ex is good you could sit down and discuss it with he so she can be watchfull too.  I wish you luck.

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