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SD and bio daughter rivalry, any ideas?

Rebecca - posted on 08/19/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

So I have a SD who just turned 5, and my daughter will be 5 in 2 months. We have my SD on the weekends only, and when we have her, I feel like Im constantly yelling at her. She is very smart for her age, and knows how to manipulate her dad. She often drives me crazy, bc she irritates and teases my daughter. They bicker over everything, litterally. She spends a week with her biomom where she has no rules same with he mamaw and papaws. This girl can do whatever she wants as long as she isnt bothering mom. So when she comes here on the weekends, she thinks she can act the same way. She picks on my daughter and thinks that she can tell her what to do bc she is 5 mos older than my daugher and she is twice her size. My daughter is average, my SD is age 5 and weighs 75lbs. I get in these irratable moods, and get very bitchy whenever she is here bc of this crap. I love my bf, and I hope his fight for full custody prevails but at the same time Im glad when its time for her to go back to her moms. I dont know what to do, besides keep yelling at her and putting her in time out and taking away whatever she is teasing about. My bf, gets on her also, but I dont think she realizes he is serious. Any ideas on what to do?

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Keisha - posted on 08/20/2009

I understand completely. I have a 7yr old and a 9 yr old ss. They constantly fight over toys, what to watch on tv, and what to actually do. I've witnessed both of the bully each other. I'm so tired of them coming to tell on each other. Soooo hard to say but im also relieved when my ss goes home. We have been trading with biomom all summer every other week. To go from having one kid to worry about to having two is stretching my limits.

We have had to tell the boys to work problems out between themselves. This doesn't sound like it would be helpful to you but since both boys are doing it instead of just the one i'm not sure.

I find myself yelling at my own son more often than ever because i'm trying to use him as an example. I still feel very strange about discipling my ss except for small things.

I also observed something very strange the other day. My hubby was teasing my ss and I because of the ribbing we were giving him and my son was on his side. When my hubby gave praise to my son, my ss actually starting pouting. It was like he decided to have a pity party, saying things like "i'm not good enough". This is the first time he has every displayed that kind of emotion.

I agree with the previous response in making sure that dad spends one on one time with her but i also find that the things the boys have in common are the things they do best together. Riding bikes is great and playing videogames (as much as i don't like them). They also actually played for a couple of hours, yes hours together playing with matchbox cars. Strange i know

Hope this helps. Again I do know exactly how you feel!

Angie - posted on 08/19/2009

119

Maybe your stepdaughter is jealous that your boyfriend spends more time with your daughter than her. Maybe he could take her out to do something special, just the two of them.