Megan - posted on 06/17/2010 ( 19 moms have responded )
Hi Ladies! I have been away from this site for some time, but I would really like some advice. I am heartbroken for my husband.
My SD called this week and asked if she could not come to our house this weekend because she wanted to go to a party instead. My husband said, no, I haven't seen you guys for three weeks (because of summer vacation) so I'm picking you up on Friday. (Not to mention that this weekend is father's day and they should be with their father.) SD wrote my husband two very nasty emails. It is unfortunate that she will miss this party, but her mother moved them 200 miles away from the community in which they grew up when their mother and father were still married. So when they are with us for the weekend they can't see their new friends. I know what a big deal this is for a 13 year old.
Anyway, the emails basically said that she hates coming to our house, that anytime she acts like she is having a good time she is "faking it", that there are people in her life much more important than her father and she should be with them on father's day. What I find most disturbing is that she said that my husband has never been a real father to her and so it shouldn't matter whether she sees him on father's day or not. She said that he is only trying to ruin her life.
I know that emotions can run high in 13 year olds, but I am very upset with the way that she said those things. We had a long talk with her not long ago and we all seemed to be on the same page. But now she says she was faking it all along. And to say that he has never been a real father is incredibly hurtful. For two years, after their mother moved away and the divorce was not finalized, BM only allowed my husband to see his children at her father's house. Even though her father threatened to shoot him, he went to see his kids. Finally the divorce went through and she had to let him bring the kids to his house. Even then she interfered with visitation. My husband has spent money he doesn't have just to enforce his right to see his kids. He has tried for so long just to do the right thing, and for what? His daughter tells him that her step-father (who tried to get my husband to fight in front of the kids) is more of a father than he ever was.
Just to be clear (and since I'm a little riled up) I want to mention that my husband has been a part of his kids' lives since they were born. He spent some time overseas in the military when they were young, but for two years before BM moved away he stayed home with them during the summer while BM went to work. The only time he lost contact was on and off for about two years, from the time that BM moved away until the divorce was final. But that wasn't for lack of trying on his part.
I'm just heartbroken. And, to be honest, I'm angry. I want my husband to call her out, to explain in no uncertain terms that she cannot treat him with this sort of disrespect. I want him to present her with the facts. I really want her to see her mother for the hateful person she is, but I know that is asking too much.
Sorry to ramble. Any feedback would be helpful. Thanks