Sharing bedrooms

Elizabeth - posted on 01/08/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I have a 1 year old son and another baby boy on the way. We live in a 4 bedroom house (No guest rooms/offices/extra rooms) and the plan is for the two babies to share a room once the youngest is around 9 months old or so. I have a 9 year old step-son who's here all but a few weekends a month and a 4 year old step-daughter (Different mom) who's here 1 or 2 days a week. My husband and I have already talked about family planning and all that, we want to have 3 more little ones after this baby is born. The thing I'm thinking about (Even though its a few years off) is that my husband refuses to make either of his other two kids share a room with anyone, ever. So when we have 5 kids we're just gonna squish them into one tiny bedroom but we're gonna have his daughter's room sit empty 5 1/2 to 6 days a week?
It just doesn't make sense to me that the kids that are here 100% of the time should ALL have to share a room when my step-kids each get their own.......
I guess I don't have to worry about it until it happens but just wondering what other poeple thought of this. Thanks.

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Carol - posted on 01/09/2011

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Sorry but I would be allowing the kids that reside primarily with you have there own bed rooms, and the ones that don't share a room when they visit! Just my thoughts sorry!!

Debbie - posted on 05/17/2011

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My husband is the same, when we move he wants my ss to have his own room. at the moment he shares with our two boys, but we also have a baby girl and my husband thinks she should share with our boys, which means there would be a bedroom only in use 4 nights a month. It just doesn't make sence. My SS also gets away with more. His dad wants him to have a good time when he's here and like being here so he gets more treats even when he's rude to me(which is most of the time). I have talked to him and it's getting better. Your hubby might be feeling the same, he might just want your sk's to enjoy being at your home but he needs to remember that your bio kids need to enjoy their home to. hope all goes well good luck x

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Bri - posted on 01/17/2012

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congrats on the pregnancy (by now you have had him/her) we have a 3 bedroom condo, my dd5 gets 1 room and my SK that visits us now every other weekend maybe 1 day mid week has his own room. we're planning on getting SK back living w/ us, its in the works since his BM is horrible. Living conditions, abuse charges etc..

i dont see why sharing wouldnt hurt since they are so young in age.

[deleted account]

I agree with the majority of posters, I think this sounds unfair. I get why you are being practical and thinking ahead and it is very important to be fair with all the children. It's just as unfair on your bio's to MAKE them share just b/c their siblings have always had the luxury of their own rooms. I also agree with Sherri that you dont want to do anything that might upset their security but if needs must, you may have no choice. At one point early in our relationship my hubby's SD (ex-SD?? I dont know what you'd call her, she is his ex's eldest anyway) lived with us too and all 3 kids had to share. She hated it and moaned to everyone about it and one day I just explained to her that we simply didnt HAVE any other rooms and if she wanted to live with us that's the way it was. As mcuh as it's important to take all kids' feelings into account, at the end of the day, they do have to work in with the rest of the family as well. I cant see an issue with yr SD sharing, esp if she is not there all the time. There are ways you can make sure the space she occupies in that room is uniquely her own and maybe as a 'sell' you could get her to help pick out wallpapaer, or pait colours or murals she might like to have on her 'sdie' of the room?

Lisa - posted on 05/16/2011

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Sharing rooms is what bonds siblings together. I grew up in a family of his, hers and ours kids. It was a show of how everyone is equal, that we all had to share with someone. I believe it helped us feel part of the family, and strengthened relationships (tested occasionally too to be honest, but that's what growing up is about). I now have two children with my husband and two SK's. They are both 12yrs older than their brother/sister of the same sex that they share rooms with. I even had the eldest boy sharing with the girls, as our baby boy woke up every time he heard a mouse fart. Eldest boy is so happy now to be back sharing in the "boys" room. The girls were very good at sharing their space and occasionally slept on the trundle instead of eldest boy sleeping there. It has made them all close, they share well and don't hold grudges. Nothing in our house belongs exclusively to anyone, there are special things, and younger kids learn to respect those things. I just want a second bathroom!!!

Deborah - posted on 05/10/2011

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I would talk to him too, that to me see rediculous. Their 90% of the time so who waste space. Are they every at your house at the same time? A set of bunk beds would work perfect though then they would each have their own bed and you could "tent" them as stated above my hanging blakets around each bed. We did that for my SD and son when they all shard one room. We have full custody of my 3 SKs(I dont consider them step), we now live in a 4 bedroom house and yet the girls still share a room. My son(step) has his own room and the girls share a room leaving our 4th room for a future baby. My husbands thoughts were he didnt want the girls to get used to having their own rooms when if we have another kids they will have to share again. Plus onlt being 13 months apart in age they perfer to be together. The 4th room right now is used for my neices whom I have 3 days week. But transforms into a guest room real quick.

Jenn - posted on 05/05/2011

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sounds unfair to me.. My stepson shares a room with his little sister when he comes over. Its just unpractical to have a room that sits unused 90% of the time and it can actually make the other kids feel like someone is favored over the rest. With you gyus planning on having so many more kids added with the ones that are already in the mix,, to not share the room would be very wrong, and actually could get you in trouble if CPS is called depending on where you live. It just depends on that part. But still step-kids or not,, everyone needs to share the room they have with their siblings thats what families do.

Hollie - posted on 05/05/2011

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yea sounds unfair to me. I have my two SKs (both same sex) share a room, while we made our third bedroom into a nursery for the baby we "have together," so it worked out for us , we want more too! I dont see how its going to work !

Elizabeth - posted on 01/13/2011

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He's alot harder on our son than my step-kids, our son is only 14 months old and still mastering how to feed himself and my husband can be really harsh with him about sitting still and not making a mess but the 4 year old still needs help being fed sometime and makes a big mess at every meal and both step-kids won't sit still or stay in there seats and he doesn't do anything about it. Probably because he doesn't want to be the 'mean' parent so they'll still want to live with us or something. When I point out that he's not treating everyone fairly he usual eases up though. I've been their step-mom for 3 years now. The thing thats kind of silly though is my step-son shares a room with his younger sister at his mom's house and my step-daughter shares a room with her mom at her house..... so why is having their own rooms at our house such a big deal?
I guess I'm just putting the cart before the horse though because as of right now my 2 bio kids will be able to share a room and the 2 step-kids each have their own, we really want to have more kids but who knows if it will actually happen? I guess the best thing is to just not worry about it until we get pregnant again.

[deleted account]

I do not know how long you have been their SM. It does sound a little off... Maybe things will change, he could be just looking at the now because of their age even though you are talking about time from now...If you only have boys then your SD has to have her own room depending on her age and the other child's age. Long before you make this decision you should talk to them. Does he treat your SK different from your and his kid(s)?

Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

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Just from another perspective here.... I think that it depends on the step kids and their security level. If the step kids are going to feel thrown aside, then don't do it. You don't want the step kids to feel that they're being pushed aside for the sake of the new kids.

However, if you feel strongly about it and can't afford a bigger home, I'd suggest doing it slowly over a course of time and having them in their new living situations before each new child is born (maybe start making those plans as you find out you're expecting). Also, try (if you can) to make it fun. Maybe make a tent during a few visits and have a "sleepover" in the rooms. As an example, for the girls, get some nail polish and face masks and things and have a girly slumber party in the room that they will eventually share. Something along those lines might help to ease the transition.

For myself as an example, my SS is VERY over sensitive. My husband and I are planning to have children in the nexxt year or so and have involved my step son and prepared him for it, but he still feels as though we're going to "get a better kid" and have a new family that he won't be part of. So, since we only have a 2 bedroom townhouse, I put a TV, sofa and some other things to make it "homey" in our basement. My SS took the bait and started asking to sleep downstairs. We let him on weekends. Then, he asked if he could move downstairs. We let him. This way, he gets his privacy and some independence as a 13 year old teenager, gets what he wants and our baby will have a room right next to ours.... everyone wins.

Hope that helps.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/10/2011

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My step-kids are a boy and a girl. My huband's thinking is that it wouldn't be fair to make the older kids share a room since they're used to having their own. One is 9 and the other is 4. Also he doesn't want them to feel like they don't have their own space here or that this isn't their home too.
I'm not saying make them sleep on the couch or something.... Just that they should have to share rooms too just like all my bio kids will.
Hopefully with the next baby he'll come around and see my point too.

[deleted account]

You do have time to think about this and seriously talk to your hubby. What he's saying doesn't make any sense in the home you are in and especially if he wants more kids. I think if they are the same sex it would be fine if they shared a room. Right now I have a 2 year old girl and a 7 year old SD. We also have a 4 bedroom home. We see SD in our home only in the summers and rotating spring break/Thanksgiving/winter holiday so when she's not here her bedroom is an additional guest room (of course I change her 'princess' sheets to generic ones for the guests). Both girls have their own rooms but we've already talked about when we have another one we are going to get bunk beds and have the girls share a room so the baby can have the 2 year olds room and we can keep our guest/junk bedroom.

Brittanie - posted on 01/09/2011

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I agree with Carol! My step daughter shares with our youngest. The room is primarily hers as he is only 1 all he has in the room is a crib and dresser.

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