SHOULD CHILD SUPPORT BE USED FOR CLOTHING

Margaret - posted on 01/15/2010

The reason she gets child support is just that--to support the children. Yes, she should use some of the money for clothes--that's one of the reasons she gets it. I would remind her of that..........

Brittany - posted on 01/12/2010

ha i know the feeling on this one.... my opinion is.... the mother is just as capable of getting a good job and being able to support the children... my bfs BM quit her job now that she is recieving child support... he has to pay 675 a month for 1 chilld... and she still has told us the child needs clothes diapers ect.. its hard because i dont want the child to go without... but i feel that she should use the money that he pays her to buy the child the things he needs! she too has no bills other than cell and i know that money is not being spent on the child nor anything for him! its a lose lose situation... because we cant do anything about it! keep your head up and do what you think is best.. but i agree with you she should buy them the things they need

Di - posted on 01/11/2010

Hi Jenny, take heart. This is how I used to look at it when my bm was doing the same.....one day lady, your kids will be grown and then you will have to survive on what you alone make. In the meantime, the father needs to step up and be responsible for all his kids. Not just yours, not just hers. What she makes, doesn't make, gets free, has to pay for, is frankly no one's business but hers, just as it is with you. All you and your bf have to do is pay what is a fair and reasonable amount. If you can only afford what child support requires you to, then so be it. If you cant afford even that, then you need to try and have it changed. I can understand your frustration. For a long time my husband refused to change his agreement even though his circumstances had changed. Finally he appealed and surprise surprise, he doesn't have to pay a cent in child support.... We were then able to make a reasoned decision as to what was a fair amount. But we are lucky cos we live in Australia and has already been stated, child support is worked out on a different criteria.

There is absolutely no way that I would allow my husband to not pay child support. He as a responsible parent is morally bound to support all his children. But it felt nice to be able to tell a woman who was basically rorting every system going, sorry love, you lose. Ok being honest, I did cartwheels around the room, but only when no one was looking. What she thinks and demands etc, is not your problem. Easier said then done I know, but in all honesty, it is her problem. I bet if you stand your ground and say, no way can we afford school stuff now, maybe later we can reimburse you, she will come up with the money if its important enough. If she cant, then it isn't important enough. Don't let her rule your life.

Good luck.

Amanda - posted on 01/11/2010

With my soon to be step-son we will buy clothes for our house!! That is what child support is for is to take care of the child not supply the other parent with there needs and fun! My boyfriend and I refuse to buy clothes or anything we feel should be covered by child support! That money is not ment for the x to spend on themself.

Susanne - posted on 01/11/2010

Tell her straight the child support is all shes getting she is taking the mick out of you. My husbands ex did the same she took the money we paid then sent her daughter over telling daddy she needed new shoes for school, new clothes etc it was something every weekend. Nip it in the bud now.

Sharon - posted on 01/11/2010

Hi Jenny, I'm in New Zealand and things are maybe done differently here. My husband pays $1700 per month in Child Support. The law here states that Child Support is to cover all of the children's living expenses and he is not required to pay anything more, however he also pays their weekly 'pocket money', cellphone accounts and health insurance (which covers most of their doctors bills). The BM won't let the children come to stay with us (we live in a different city) so my husband flies up to Auckland to see them at least once every six weeks - which of course costs us more money. When he goes there she won't let him have them overnight and so he is restricted to only seeing them during the day. She doesn't seem to care that the children want to spend time staying with their Dad. We now have a child of our own to support and so I work fulltime to help make ends meet. I wish you luck, it seems there are a lot of bitter ex-wives out there who are either "ripping off" the system or punishing the BDs. It's sad that they choose to make everyone's life so unpleasant - especially the innocent children.

Penny - posted on 01/10/2010

Amen Sherriy!

Sherriy - posted on 01/10/2010

I believe that that is what child support was meant for. My daughte gets $387 a month. I get her what she needs. A few things she wants and I put the rest int he bank for when she is older. I hate the people who use the child support for them selves. Ok so if you need it for a bill or 2, I can see that. But don't go buying yourself things with it. Mu daughter's dad pays all her medical, (and there is alot, she has s few medical issues.) And he is always buying her clothes and things. So, I do agree that the child support should be spent for their school supplies and clothing. And whatever else they need. Sheneeds to get off her butt and help provide for her kids.

Amanda - posted on 01/09/2010

Same thing with my stepson's bio mom. We send things all the time. Every weekend I wash and send back what he wore the day i picked him up. He is sent with good shoes, clothes, anything he needs...but when he's picked up by us, he's wearing the oldest shoes he has, old clothes, and so on. It's pitiful!

Valerie - posted on 01/07/2010

The law is such that child support can be spent on whatever the parent deems to be important. I know that that leads to bad choices at times but that is the law. If she chooses, she can buy all the clothes at Goodwill and hers new at the mall and if she thinks that is the important thing to do she has the right to do it. You need to set a boundary to portect yourself and your family. Pay what is owed and that is it if that is what you can truly afford. Set the boundary and let the kids know what it is if it comes up only. Otherwise that should not be their concern.

Penny - posted on 01/07/2010

How can they get so much child support AND public assistance, welfare checks, free daycare, etc? How is that possible? It ticks me off...

Melissa - posted on 01/07/2010

no. child support should absolutly be used for clothes!

T - posted on 01/03/2010

There's always garage sales and second hand stores...I have a decent job and we still do that to make ends meet! Do what's best for the kids...even if it doesn't seem fair. The children are part of your family and need to be taken care of, and I believe you should do for them what you do for the rest. I'm very sorry to hear about your husband's job, and hope that changes for you both soon. I understand your frustration, though. Hang in there!

JENELLE - posted on 01/02/2010

Child support is just that-support for the child..not your nails, hair, cell phone, or any other bills you have. No parent should rely on child support as a means of supporting their household or basic needs of their child. As a responsible parent you should make sure their needs are met and view the support as backup for school trips, after school or daycare expenses, and items needed as the child grows. It is meant to supplement and assist the custodial parent with things the child needs. It makes me sick knowing there are people (men & woman alike) who base their way of life on whether or not a check comes in the mail. Why would you put youself in a position like that? I would hate to think a mother would be as stupid as to depend on child support as a way of life..if he loses his job then what? If he takes you to court for custody because you are always calling crying broke..then what? If the father wants to send some school supplies I would find out what is needed and sent that-not money. I would also report the BM if she is not reporting her income or change in status. I am both a BM & stepmom and knows that no matter what my ex has to offer it is my job to make sure my kids are taken care of. As far as the BM goes..well...not my story to tell.

Deb - posted on 01/02/2010

To help you understand where I am coming from, I have been on both sides of this argument. My husband paid child support for years, and I was SUPPOSED to receive it. (Did sometimes, but usually had to fight for it) With that said:
Child support is a separate issue from anything else. Child support is what the State says is your bf fair share of the child's expenses. Anything else you do is "gravy"....out of the goodness of your heart.....
My x never helped with anything extra...like doctors bills, clothes, winter coats, nothing. My husband and I on the other hand always too the kids shopping for new school outfits (to be sure they got some). One time, he had surgery and was out of work so we had no income...when school started, the kids were not going to get any new clothes ( we were told) and dwe were being hounded for back child support. We told his x that we'd get the school clothes if she would take the amount off what we had gotten behind while my hubby was out of work She agreed, so we went shopping. We spent over $300 on clothes, and saved the receipts for the state, but the x denied ever agreeing to anything. So we were 300 down with back support still due.The whole thing stinks....but it is what it is....and why we should all be careful not to bring kids into a relationship that is not solid. They pay the ultimate price with fighting adults as parents.
So....I guess the point of this is get used to it. Choose your battles wisely and try to keep things as drama free as possible for the boys sake, as much as you are able. That doesn't mean giving in to outrageous demands, but it does mean trying not to let them hear the boys g=hear what is going on. They don't need to be aware of it all .

Cynthia - posted on 01/01/2010

Just because he pays support does not mean he shouldn't buy other things. It does not matter what she is receiving those children are his responsibility as well. Support is to be used for whatever the child needs but sometimes that's not enough. If the children need extra things he should provide them if needed.

MaShanna - posted on 01/01/2010

Support is for anything that child needs food, clothing, school supplies. Even to pay utilities no matter who else dwells in their home. As far as assistance goes. in Louisiana, if you receive support YOU CANNOT receive benefits because you have help from the other parent. Check into your state laws about that. If she's working that's supposed to be reported as well as the number of children in your home. They don't caere about how you pay your bills, but they won't take from one child to give to another. So armed with that info, you all need to report that because across states that lowers your monthly obligation. I used to work for the child support offices in my state, so I can nly tell you what Louisiana does. I do hope however that this helped even if only a little.

Anne - posted on 01/01/2010

I am both a BM and a stepmom, so I get to see both sides of this situation. But here's what I have started doing in order to avoid questions about what is done with the child support I receive. I get $600 a month for three kids. Since my husband has a great job, I don't need that entire amount for the kids' basic support. First thing is, I promised the kids $50 a month each to do with as they wish. $250 per month goes into a savings account that I set up for them. The remaining $200 goes toward any minor things they may need during the course of the month, with whatever is left being deposited into their savings at the end of the month. I bought a planner/ledger to record every bit of money spent and the receipts to back it up, including deposit slips on their savings account. This doesn't take a lot of effort to keep up with, and avoids any questions about where the money is going. Peace of mind for both sides, so to speak. Maybe you could suggest this as a budgeting tool for the BM? You could always tell her that you are trying to get an idea of exactly what the costs are each month so you can take care of things equally. If she's being straight with you, she should have no reason to refuse.

Jodi - posted on 08/08/2009

"I have a an ex and my husband has one too.. So I receive and my husband pays. I have always felt that the dads get totally SCREWED"



I agree with you Christi, I honestly am aghast at how much fathers (or paying parents) have to pay in the US - here in Australia only those on very high incomes have to pay the sort of money you guys do. It's almost like it is expected that the father should pay 100% of the child's costs, which isn't really fair. Here in Australia, it is assumed that both parents pay for the cost of raising the child, but there are ways in which the BM misses out here. For instance, my ex and myself are considered to have a "joint income" of around $80,000 (and we earn pretty much the equal income), but he only has to pay $165 a month, so it is kind of a bit skewed to his advantage - there's no way it only costs $330 a month to raise my son ($165 each).



But I honestly think no matter what they do with the system, someone will always cry it is unfair. But the money is for the child and only the child. It is unfair for the BM to use it for herself and then expect the father to pay additional costs, when this has been calculated into the child support amount paid.

Christi - posted on 08/08/2009

OOO MAN, child support and what is it used for??? question for centuries.. I have a an ex and my husband has one too.. So I receive and my husband pays. I have always felt that the dads get totally SCREWED.. and the court system doesn't only allow it they promote it and will find a reason to validate there b/s findings. If the law stood b/hind dads more often there wouldn't be so many kids being raised w/o their bio. fathers!!! They endore so much pain and agony emotionally and financially. The system would rather allow the BM's to legally steal from their ex b/c they're afraid they will fall under the welfare system. It's such b/s! I've never put my ex in a financial mess. He's suppose to pay for everything really, but I do not think that is fair. So I pay for medical, dental and he helps w/school clothes, and sports (which is a small fortune.. lol) on top of his support. It really takes a good person to see that just b/c the Judge is co-signing their b/s doesn't make right!! On top of the crazy amounts of money bm receives, they also believe they can dictate visitation and everything else.. and this is why even good men walk away from their kids. Not for lack of love, but after YEARS of fighting they eventually give up! who can blame em'. and the ones who get hurt r/the children and BM is just happy getting paid and could careless about how she is affecting her own children.. I think i'm off topic.. lmaoo.. check ur court order.. hope that helped.. ha'ha.

Mel - posted on 08/08/2009

I know I have a bad rap on here cuz I am a bm who delves in with the step moms but I agree that support should be for the child. I just recently started getting child support and it all goes towards my little girl. It goes to daycare, diapers, clothes, and if there is anything left over. it goes towards toys and misc. for her. Of course all my money as well goes towards my little one as well.



Plus here in florida the bm is suppose to supply the clothes for the child, as well as diapers. My BD says he does not need it but I always pack somthing just in case. I did not do it at first because of the fact that he said he did not need anything, and I had that well you need to spend some damn money on her attitude. But now I want to make sure my little one always looks good.

Of course I use to get wic but now I get no other help, I work full time and though I was doing it on my own the first year. The extra money really helps me not to go negative in my bank account every two weeks.

Robin - posted on 08/08/2009

no you are NOT wrong, child support is supposed to be SUPPORTING THE CHILD, whether that is clothes, or paying PUD to make sure the child has a warm place to live etc., my step daughters bio mom refuses to report the child support she recieves from us because that would put her over the limit to get welfare, but on the same hand, it makes it so we cant get ANY assistance, neither one of us has ever been on welfare, but we are VERY tight and could use the extra assistance.



My hubby pays child support, medical, vision, dental and buys her what ever she needs including clothes because her mom buys thrift store BOYS clothes because she has a son that is 3 YEARS YOUNGER and they are usually falling apart, and we want her to look nice, and when ever we send her back to her moms with nice clothing, we never see it again, and she keeps sending her up in MIS MATCHED BOYS CLOTHES THAT ARE DIRTY! GAHHHHHHH

Elizabeth - posted on 08/07/2009

Okay! I can actually top this one! LOL My SS BM gets $818 a month from my husband for child support. He recently was laid off, so now I am paying it. On top of that, my husband only made $12/hour before he was laid off. 818 was over half of his checks... and we have our child to support too. She asked for the same. She wants us to buy everything for him and she lived at home with her parents, didn't drive... blah blah blah.... but she made more than my husband. The whole system is messed up. I definitely feel your frustration!!! Get a court order that clearly defines those items.

Jodi - posted on 08/07/2009

My post won't help you because I am in Australia, but do you know how good the receiving parent has it in your country??? My ex pays me a measly AU$165 (probably around US$150) a month because that is all he has to pay under the system. How do you support a 12 year old boy on that. The law here requires nothing else from him. If he pays towards school fees, it can be deducted from the amount the has to pay. If he pays for a dentist, it can be deducted from the amount he pays. I earn exactly the same as my ex, and yet, I am expected by the system to support him fully, and my ex, who has him every second weekend, has never in his life taken him to a doctor or dentist, never been involved in school, just does the Disneyland dad thing, on AU$165 per month..........that covers his food. That's probably about it.

Sorry, off topic, I know.

On topic, not, for that sort of money, you shouldn't have to buy anything else at all. We keep basic clothes at our house for my step children for when they are staying here, but believe me, we don't let them go home with them!! I just make sure I wash and dry what they arrive in to send them home.

Misty - posted on 08/03/2009

Based on the state you live in the laws may back you up - child support generally includes school supplies, clothing and food and any additional entertainment not to include athletics....check your state laws....

Juanita - posted on 07/19/2009

If you have a court order to pay child support then you've done your part. Child support is not only intended for clothes. Its intended for whatever the mom see fit to use it for when taking care of the children. EX bills, food, school clothes, supplies, what ever that child may need. Notice I said Need and not Want. Most people who pay child support think that it should only be spent on the kids clothes and shoes. But it takes money to keep a roof over their head and food in their mouth. Since your paying child support its now her job to make sure that the money is being spent wisely. If she gets all that other assistance you said she gets then I would not give her anything more, as you said you have a family of your own to provide for. No matter what you give her she will never be satisfied with what you do.

Lisa - posted on 07/17/2009

I have to say it just depends on the judge and court system that you have. My husband has 2 children that he raised for 10 years. The BM never paid a dime and in the court system she owes over $21,000.00 in back child support. 3 years ago my husbands son went to live with his mom. We have one and she has one. The woman has never worked a day in her life and gets every goverment assistant possible. Even though she owes my husband $21,000 in back support we pay her over $600.00 a month. We raise one and she raises the other. The court system will never be fair. I see it from a woman and a mans point of veiw. I have two children of my own from a previous marriage. My ex pays his child support every month and he thinks in his mine that I have to pay for everything. Every sport, every school supply, every artical of clothing should come from his support. Even though I don't think it is right I just go with it. I have learned that no matter what the other parent does they will be their parent and they will love them unconditionally. If there is drama just let the child know that you will do the best you can with what you have. With my son I always tried to make his dad look good with lies. All that did was slap me in the face. With my daughter who is 5 years younger than my son I have told her the truth from day one and that worked so much better. There is no need to cut the parent down because with time the child will know and they will know who to trust. This is a materialistic world and I do get that but there are ways to get the children nice clothes without spending a fortune. There are a lot of programs out there that will supply the kids with school supplies. If the BM is getting goverment assistant then I know the local DHS offices normally have a school supply drive so parents who are on the system can have the supplies. Maybe you could go to the local DHS office and apply for the supplies yourself and she will think that you bought them for her. There is also programs from the DHS offices for clothing for school. They have JOM vochures to get clothes and Cherokee nation also gives school supplies and clothes. There are plenty of ways to get help. Like I said maybe you could see what free stuff you can get and the BM will never know that you didn't spend a dime. Kill with kindness and after time I promise the DRAMA will end.

Betty - posted on 07/17/2009

Just shop for your half of things. A few outfits, a backpack, and a lunch pail. Kids don't need an entire new wordrobe for school he can wear some of what he already has. Just take your time adding to it as you find new sales places.

JENNY - posted on 07/17/2009

Sounds like I am not the only one dealing with a crazy BM!!! We provide everything for our house. We never ask her for anything. What they wear over to our house we wash and send them back with her when we take the kids home. We use to buy tennis shoes and let her keep them, but that couldn't even work out. Everytime we would buy shoes the next week we would get the kids, the shoes would be torn up. I swear she would let cars drive over them, or take her anger out on the shoes. And they weren't cheap shoes either. So now we keep the nice shoes here, and one time her older son wanted a paid of Cars tennis shoes that we saw at target, so we bought them for him. She threw a fit because they weren't name brand. I don't think she understood her SON picked them out. And so what anyways, yes we do buy name brand good shoes for them, but not everyone can afford too. And for someone like her, that gets EVERYTHING from the Goverment shouldnt be out buying expensive things instead of taking advantage of the system. I hope one day maybe she will act like a mature adult and quit causing so much trouble.

Frankie - posted on 07/17/2009

My BM and yours could be related. I agree with a couple of the other posters here. You pay your support and depending on your court order, if you have one, whatever else you are required to and that's it. Anything else you buy for your kids should stay with you. My husband and I have to do that with my 2 steps and it works out. If BM doesn't like it, TOUGH.

Dawn - posted on 07/16/2009

Just about everyone runs into this touchy subject. What does the child support court order say? You cannot dictate to someone what they should be using the money for, hence a good lawyer will help with the support documents. My husbands was spelled out - all that was "extra" out of pocket was doctor and dentist bills for 50%. Granted - the girls would come over and say that mom couldn't afford something. Mom would send them over in dirty old clothes. We took them shopping and learned the hard way not to send the new stuff home. We then made sure they had all the necessary things at our house so that all they needed to bring with them was their homework and fav stuffed animal. No more I didn't have something nice to wear for a party. A judge will also not take pity on your new family since it was your decision to have more kids when you already had some to take care of. I don't mean to be rude - but this is what we have experienced with friends. Times are tough and someone is always looking for more out of you. Stay calm and care for the kids. It's not all material items they are looking for and it's not what they will remember either. Good luck.

Crystal - posted on 07/16/2009

I don't think that it's wrong for her to use child support for clothes! That is supporting your child... if she doesn't use it for that, what would she use it for. I think that it's safe to say that since she has no other bills, she should use the child support for that and not ask for more money!

Penny - posted on 07/16/2009

Wow! Our BMs sound so much alike! Except for BM doesn't ask hubby for money she is just trying to update support so she can get more money. I understand your frustration. BM has told members of hubby's family (when they were still together) that he never gave her 'enough' money.

Kath - posted on 07/16/2009

Like Julie Weaver, who has answered first. She says: "do you have a court order?" When my three children were young, my husband paid support. Out of that support was the roof over their head, food in their belly, clothes, school supplies, half the costs of doctor or dentist bills (when he paid), well basically all their well being was out of that check (when I received that). For the three I received $450 from him, and I was to pay the same amount each month for their well being. I additionally paid for their school supplies, clothing etc. My husband paid for support for his 2 children and she paid the same for them, plus she paid for their school clothing supplies and so forth. I am a grandmother now, and we are empy nesters. Things are done differently now. The divorce decree is more explicit as to who pay what now. There is joint custody now, which didn't happen very often back then, not like now. Please give us more info so that may be we can give you more advise.

Julie - posted on 07/16/2009

do you have a court order? Our court order requires each parent to pay half of school supplies, school fees, and extracurricular activities. The child support she gets is to help with food, clothes, etc. so we do not buy clothes for school. I do buy clothes for my house that never go to her house. We have joint custody with shared visitation. She has residential because our state requires someone be primary. We have our daughter 50% in summer and around 40% during the school year. So my clothes and things are mine they stay here. Also i would see what your state says child support should go too. I think each state words it differently