Catrina - posted on 05/28/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )
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Well my SS went and had his surgery today. Went well. There was a delay in actually getting him into the OR and starting his procedure. But overall everything went well. BM emailed tonight saying that he was feeling sick but doing well. Hope and resting. But of course she couldn't help but throw in her 2 cents about the "harrassment" we put the hospital staff through when we called for status updates. (BM declined to keep us updated and went so far as to tell us she couldn't promise a phone call after his surgery, that'd she'd check if he felt up to it -- he never feels up to calling per her statements)
We've spent the last week plus getting the court order and birth certificates over to the hospital, my husband wasn't listed as father so they initially refused to even talk to us. But again we got the documents over to their Privacy Department and got the go ahead. Thought we had all squared away, and everyone was on the same page. Dad would be calling from California - not in town - and would need to be updated as well as transfered to his son after he woke up.
When the time came around that my SS was to be getting out of the OR we called. All hell broke loose. My husband was even yelled at and told security was going to be called on him!? We aren't even in the same state?! So apparently the nursing staff went and all started bugging mom asking her what to tell my husband. Realizing the issues and lack of info the nurses had, we went straight to calling the Privacy Department whom arranged everything to ensure this call and status updates were going to happen and were cleared. Of course we got it all squared away, and immediately had the Nurse who had checked my SS in....we were on a 3 way call with the Privacy Department and this Nurse -- she didn't know I was on the line and sort of asked why Dad wasn't calling (my husband was attacked Nov 2008 and suffered a head injury, so he needs a little bit more explaining at his pace. not someone else's. I am very patient with him, and will get the information needed and take whatever time needed seperately to get him to understand) they understood it and worked with us. We got to talk to the nurse and just explain to her that BM was not going to be of ANY assistance - which is why we had to take this aggresive route. She understood, and was glad that it was worked out and we were able to be able get through. The nurse promised to relay the information over to the post-op nurse that we'd be calling for updates, and to speak to my SS. She even gave us a time frame from 3:15-3:30pm to call. We called at 3:40 - and he had just been recently wheeled out but was obviously still asleep. My husband asked what his status was and how he did....she said he did well, and vitals were well. All went fine. We asked when to call back, if she had any expected time that he'd be awake -- she said 30-45 minutes. She also stated "Wow you are on top of this, I haven't even gone out to tell BM he was out of surgery"
15 minutes later BM called to tell us that he was out of surgery. I told her we knew, and that we already had a time when to call back and talk to him. She laughed at me and told me that I was not understanding the process of surgery and that there is not a set time they wake up, why would we believe so. (I can't even count how many surgeries I personally have had for my stage 1 failing kidneys, so I know trust me) But I told BM that if she had something further to ask my husband then to call back. But otherwise we were set with the info we wanted and appreciated her call.
What do ya know? 30 minutes later she calls and says she asked my SS if he wanted to talk to his dad, and he said yes so she let him call. My husband told her that was kind of her, and it saved him a phone call. So he got to talk to his son, and they joked around a bit. Got some laughs. I even got to talk to him and told him I loved him to feel better. That I loved him -- he didn't say it back -- I wondered why...later my husband told me that BM had stated she was right there and would listen so he knew what to tell him was said if he missed anything....yeah sure...but whatever.
So tonight my husband gets a email from BM stating the status of my SS and how he's feeling. What the Dr said, and how she "attempted" to get papers to give to us - and the Dr declined stating that the information he was giving should be fine relayed. Then the email quickly shifted to "you made this a horrible stressful situation that we didn't have to deal with. I told you I was their for our son's needs not yours. Instead I was hounded by multiple nurses asking questions about your multiple phone calls. You had no right to step in and bother us during this stressful time" All that from the 1 phone call we made that came to a dead stop because the waiting nurse did not have the notes to speak to my husband was allowed. We never told them to go ask BM if they were allowed to talk to him...we told them to call the Privacy Department and verify. She refused.....
Anyhow - we ended up telling BM that all the steps we had to take resulted from her initial denial of assistance. That she would not allow updates to be relayed (she has blocked our cell phone and home phone from being able to call her cell phone) we requested to pull the block - she said no. She'd let us know if anything went wrong. Why would a parent not want to know how their child is doing - when they are involved with them as much as my husband is???? If he could have his kids 50/50 we'd fight for it. We even considered moving closer to get just that!!! But can't find any other reason other than the kids, and can't be promised the 50/50.......
We made it clear we wanted to call tomorrow to check up on him, and she's declined that. Said to wait till friday or the Sunday scheduled phone call.............GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Why???? Wouldn't a BM be glad to see that the father of her son was taking such drastic steps to make everything happen that he's entitled to? Especially when he is legally entitled to?????
But I must say I did not allow myself to get into a argument with her when she did call and my husband was not available (when I relayed the info about already knowing he was out of surgery and to call back in a bit) I left it up to my husband.....which she somewhat allowed him to explain...but ended up hanging up on him and not calling back to finish the conversation.....
I'm praying that we can stay strong as a team and go on with our efforts - without allowing her complaints to take any weight on our hearts. We haven't asked for anything far fetched. Or out of line.....soooo I look forward to our future progress......we being my husband and I......BM is just another person to deal with when fighting this battle to see the kids...
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