step daughter problems

Julie - posted on 10/10/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My 8 yr old step daughter, who we have full custody of and have since she was three, is totally disrespectful to me. She rarely speaks to her biological mom and sees her less. She tries to push my buttons to get me to get mad at her. Her dad and I have been together since she was 10 months old. I just want to know if it is ever going to get better. I am not looking forward to teenage years. She is going to be taller than me soon and I need to get a handle on everything before it is to late.

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Chrissy - posted on 10/19/2010

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Sounds like she is retaliating against you for her mom not being there for her.....even though you didn't have anything to do with it, she will still cause problems. But maybe try and sitting down with you, dad and SD to talk about why she is acting the way she is, to try and get to the bottom of it. If that don't work, then counseling may be an option. I have read a book, "Have a new kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman that might give some help on how to change that attitude. It's working on my oldest daughter right now with her attitude and she's 11! I wish you the best of luck!

Sarah - posted on 10/19/2010

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She is trowing typical temper tantrums for her age and is probably mad ad the world. When she tries to push your buttons just tell her I don't hear you or see you and walk away to another room. One thing they hate the most is to be ignored at that age, if she starts showing any respect to you reward her with special time just with you, like going to mall or movies and maybe take her best friend with you. Been there and done that with my BD. Family counceling is a must becaus her BM is making her a mess.

Amanda - posted on 10/18/2010

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I've had the same basic problem with my stepdaughter. I've been a constant in her life since before she was even a year old, and we've had majority custody since she was only 16 months old. She is now 11. Any time she gets mad at her BM, she takes it out on me. I've come to understand that it's basically because she knows I'm not going anywhere. Her BM has come in and out of her life off and on throughout the years; moving out of state, moving across the state and not having a vehicle, currently no license due to DUI's, etc. I believe she is afraid to come out and tell her BM how she really feels about things, because she doesn't know if that will make her drop out of her life once again...but as I've been there every day since her dad and I met, she knows it's "safe" to take it out on me. Is it fair to me? No. But I've come to understand it, and she and I do bring out what's really bothering her sometimes...sometimes I can't get her past the rudeness, but there are times when I can get through that shell and get to the real problem.

Idella - posted on 10/18/2010

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it is Dads job to handle it. she respects him and its time he lay down some laws. Never talk it all on your own shoulders he is resonsible to. I went thru this and it was three of them with adhd and other various diagnoses. I simpply pulled away and focused on my own. when they realized that the things they were getting was from me and not dad who never wanted them in the first place. i just couldn't find it in my heart to leave them in foster care. well to make a long story short our relationship changed for the better and even though i divorced dad eight years ago and they are all grown, we still communicate to this day and they call me mom

Vanessa - posted on 10/13/2010

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My SD is in counselling for the BM's basic lack of giving a shit bout her daughter - and subsequently the behaviours that get taken out on me are.... appalling! She has been doing really well in individual counselling and will finish this up in one more session - we are then moving onto family counselling (without the other kids) so we can have a more direct approach and unified front.as far as she is concerned so she knows that we love her but we aren't splitting up over her!

Monica - posted on 10/12/2010

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i suggest getting her counciling for the lack of involment from biological mom. it is not you or anything your doing she is angry deep down over her mother and because it is easiest for her she takes it out on you. i went thru this with my step son over his biological mom and it does get better with some help hang in there

Eliz - posted on 10/11/2010

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She is testing your limits plus she might be upset about the lack of involvement from her bio mom and is taking it out on you. You may want to concider getting her into counceling.

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