Step Parents & Bio Parents

Kristy - posted on 12/17/2010

i have my five up on circle of mums.
i dont see a problem.
Might be the bio mother being a pain in your back side claiming you are supplying false info? i know my step kids mother would

Lucia - posted on 12/16/2010

I have my step-kids up. My husband and I have custody and I am raising these kids. I'm sorry this happened to you. Being a step-mom can be stressful and often thankless. The bio mom must be a real b&?/@!. Good luck to u.

Cyndie - posted on 12/05/2010

Thanks so much for all the helpful advice! So far, yet to even get a reply from CoM's administrators. Also, still have the profiles listed. Did a little changes to them, though.
Again,THANKS! ♥

Kimberly - posted on 12/02/2010

Although my SSs are grown I'm, thankful that I get along well enough with my SS's bm that she wouldn't mind me listing them, even if they weren't grown. Can't these biological moms be grateful that their kids have step moms that love them and care enough about them to list them on their bios! Like it or not they are stuck with u as their kids step mom. It would help their child if for the sake of the kids they'd at least be civil about things. Please BMs start putting ur kids first and stop using them as pawns to get even with your ex-husbands and their wives. Ur kids didn't ask to be put in the middle of a fight!

Kristi - posted on 12/02/2010

I have step-kids listed - with no problems. Do you think maybe someone (like BM) complained that you were providing false info?

Melanie - posted on 12/01/2010

i'm a step-parent too and there is no way i would remove them from here. just because i didn't birth them, doesn't make them any less my kids.

Holly - posted on 11/30/2010

I just know that in one case where I knew someone this happenned to, the custody agreement stated that no parent (bio or step) would post pictures or information of the joint children on any social networking site, so yes that profile was technically against the law.

Regular ones though, I have no clue how it's a legal situation, but I have heard of people threatening CoM's for fraudulent pictures of their children being posted without their knowledge (not saying that's what you're dong, but if a BM complains enough then I think CoMs would rather play it safe).

Honestly, I still think there are 3 steps that need to be taken.
1. You need to set your profile to be viewable by only people in your circle. As of right now, I (a complete stranger to you) can click on your profile and see not only names (including last names) and pictures of your kids, but also where you live and other little facts. If I can see that then anyone can see that.
2. You need to delete the profiles of your step kids and make new ones with first names only and generic pictures (like I suggested above).
3. You need to find out if the BM is on CoMs. What you need to do is email the management team here and ask them to look for her. They will need her full name, what she looks like, and a link to her FB page (if she has one and is using it to access CoMs). If you can find her on here, you can block her and she won't be able to see your profile (no matter the privacy settings) or send you pms. Beware though, if she is on here and you block her she can still see anything you post.

Yes, this whole thing SUCKS big time, but I really don't think it's worth it to argue with the management team. I think a better course of action would be to work with them to find the BM and just lay under the radar for the kids' profiles. I've never gotten an email from the management team regarding my sd, but then again my profile is private, the BM is blocked, and I have generic pictures and no last names on any of my kids (bio or step).

Cyndie - posted on 11/30/2010

BUT can they really delete the profile if by LAW they are stated as my step children, and we have the primamry custody of the one that is still with us? I just don't see how the law can state it, BUT CoM's is worried about a lawsuit, or what have you, that would have nothing come upon them.
I really greatly appreciate all the resoponces, and great ideas, from everyone! THank you all so very much!

Miosoti - posted on 11/30/2010

That is completely RIDICULOUS!!! as you mentioned, y give u the option at all?! anyway, step-children are still considered your children! i'm completely outraged! i have a step-son... he's not enlisted on my page but if i did put him... there shouldn't be a problem with that. i dont even know what to tell you. Just let C.O.M know that you consider your step-children as your own.
on another note, do you think maybe their biological mom reported this to C.O.M?!(just a thought a friend raised to me)

Tammy - posted on 11/26/2010

I didn't list my sk's for awhile when I first started on COM because I knew that if their BM knew that she would have a hissy fit. Always does about everything. After a little while, I added them because I decided I wasn't going to worry about her fit! lol There aren't any pics of any of my kids, or their full names. She's blocked from any of my info anyway. I agree that you should just delete them and redo their profile with no pic and only 1st name.

Desiree - posted on 11/26/2010

My step daughter would be heart broken if she didn't see her name with her siblings ! She would think I hated her or didn't think she was part of our family and totaly be left out ! These bm need to grow up and see that just cause they wanna be selfish and not share their chilren they are not only hurting the step parent but their own childs feeling as well!

Corynn - posted on 11/24/2010

That is terrible. I'm sorry. But like Holly said, it's hapened before where a BM complains about it. It's stupid. I'm not married to my daughter's father yet, but I still have her listed here as my step-child an without her last name... the only benefit i have is that BM is not involved and has nothing to do with this site... i would take Holly's advice and change their pictures to something they like and take off their last names... other than that, i would also tell the admin. that you have permission from their father, who is your husband to have them on here as your step-children and see what they say. they can't really punish you for listing your stepkids especially when they give us that option! good luck hun

Treasure - posted on 11/24/2010

I agree with Holly.... delete then re-add them. First name only. I also suggest not putting "step child". I never do this unless I absolutely have to.
Like the counseling center is the only place that requires my husband to sign documents. The dr office says nothing, neither does the dentist. So why does Circle of Moms? Craziness!

Nickie - posted on 11/22/2010

Wow. This is definitely sticky. I have my SS listed on my page, but I don't have any pictures posted. (I don't have pictures of ANY of our kids posted). Obviously this must be a case where the BM complained, and I don't understand why she would! To leave a child out just because it is a step child could really hurt that child's feelings AND that child probably wouldn't understand that it is BM's fault and not yours.

I don't honestly know what I would do... but I will say, I'd have to consider leaving CoM altogether because of it. As long as things are kept private and the children aren't just "out there" for the whole world to see, I don't see where they (CoM) should even be involved... after all, they do have a place to list STEP children!

Amanda - posted on 11/22/2010

I would be furious too. I have my sk's listed as my children because that's how I see them. I have never used the word step where they are concerned because it just doesn't feel right. I'm mom as far as they are concerned because bm has nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, to do with them. I feel like maybe I should complain that she has them listed on her page since she hasn't seen or spoken to them in years! Good luck!!

Chrissy - posted on 11/20/2010

They did the same to me.....only thing is that it was my bf's son and he told me that I could have him on there. The BM didn't like this and complained. They told me that I had to remove him unless I had permission from BOTH parents to have him on my page to keep him up, but until then I had to remove him. I asked then if the BD didn't give the BM permission to have him up how could she do that too.....I don't remember getting an answer to that one LOL

Mandie - posted on 11/18/2010

What Holly has said is true- same reason alot of us dont list our own surnames. My BM- that I know of- does not and has not seen my profile but for the sake of peace I have removed my SS's from my profile. Not saying this is the way to go for everyone, but in my own case it's simply not worth the drama.

Holly - posted on 11/18/2010

Also, I would highly recommend making your profile on here super private (making only people in your circle able to see anything). If she can't see anything, she can't complain about anything! :)

Vanessa - posted on 11/18/2010

i have my SD on my profile --- but i guess im lucky her bio mum don't give a shit. I'd be cranky too!

Holly - posted on 11/18/2010

This happens when a bio mom finds a step mom's profile and complains to the management of CoMs. It's happened before and I'm sure it will continue to happen. It sucks, yes, but they are just trying to avoid any legal action the bm may decide to take against them for "allowing" you to post your sk's without the bm's permission. The line here is that you have to have BOTH bio parent's permission to post pictures of your sk's.



My advice? Delete the profiles you have now, and make new ones with generic pictures (your kid's favorite cartoon character, a pic of their fav thing like cars or ballerinas, etc.) and DO NOT put the kid's last names.



It's a sucky situation, but I don't see it changing any time soon (or at least as long as some bms can't see past their own insecurities...). I'm just grateful my daughter's bm can't see my profile (I have her blocked and my profile is on super private) 'cause I KNOW she would caomplain!



::hugs::

LeeAnna - posted on 11/18/2010

HUGS ugh i dont really understand why they would say that unless someone reported you as not being a SP id try and fight it! hang in there :)