Step son and disrespect

Jennifer - posted on 05/23/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have 2 step sons, age 18 and 13. The oldest has been an absolute TERROR for the last 5 years. We have had problem after problem with him. At the end of his 8th grade year, he was suspended for the last month of school and I homeschooled him so he could get the credit for 8th grade. Then he went back to school in 9th grade but was suspended for the rest of the year after only a month back in school (for setting off a firecracker, the kettle red ones, in class and having pot on him). I had to quit my job so I could homeschool him AGAIN so he didn't fall behind. That was the absolute WORST year I've ever had. Be was terrible to me and was so hateful towards me because I chose to actually TEACH him instead of just giving him the answers and letting him take the easy way out. I was also pregnant during that time and he was so verbally abusive towards me about it that most days I made his father take him to work with him so I didn't have to deal with him alone. I was so stressed that I started having bleeding and worried I'd lose my baby. We made it through that, he went back to school and did ok. I had my son that October and by November step son turned violent towards me and his father. It got so bad that we called the police and had him arrested for battery because he got violent with me and tackled me to the ground.

After that, he was in jail for about a month before the judge released him to stay with his uncle (mothers brother) while he waited for final judgement. Wile he was there he stole from his uncle and stole his his aunt's prescription pain pulses from her wisdom teeth removal and sold them at school. He was then returned to jail until the judge ordered him to a mental health treatment center in his moms area (another state with more treatment centers). He was kicked out after only a few weeks. His mother got him in another one and he was kicked out of that one. He was kicked out for being violent to other kids. His mom insisted on putting him in a SUPER expensive wilderness program and he was again kicked out for being violent and abusive. He was back at his moms after that and attending high school. during that time he had them all living on the edge afraid to piss him off. one day he slammed a chair repeated into the floor, breaking it. another day he got furioius with his mom and slammed her head repeatedly into the sliding glass door. she refused to call the cops. then one day he decided one day to just attack a kid at school. So he went back to jail. They finally stuck him in a treatment center that wouldn't kick him out simply for being violent or abusive. Fast forward to just after this last Christmas and he, while on a shopping trip with the treatment center, decided to shoplift a bottle of wine and drink the entire thing. He wa returned to jail where he remained until his 18th birthday in march when they released him.

He was st his moms house for a month. And in that month he smoked pot and cigarettes in her house, stayed out all night SEVERAL times drinking, snuck a girl into his room and told her she could stay at "his" house. When his mother found the girl in his room, she told the girl to leave her house and step on decided he as leaving too. He's been staying at some guys house for a month now.

He has always gravitated towards gangs and tries to have that thug persona. He lies to everyone up there saying that he's half Mexican, that his dad is Mexican and the leader of a gang, that he's killed people when he lived here, and that he was a huge drug dealer here. Both his parents are white, his father has never even CONSIDERED being in a gang, stepson never did any of that stuff because he was always on lockdown here at the house because he wouldn't control himself while out of our sight. His dumb friends have posted videos on Facebook of him smoking pot and telling them he's a Mexican. He has pictures throwing gang signs. And a couple days ago my sister got into an argument with him over some disrespectful comments he made to his father on Facebook and he posted a picture of a gun on Facebook threatening to shoot her. I had been messaging him on Facebook about being disrespectful to his father and about how real men don't do the tthings he has because he is huge on the whole "I'm a man now, I can do whatever I want". And he messages me back telling me that a man says whatever he wants to whoever he wants, so I simply told him that he has no clue what a real man is and he just to,d me STFU.

I am so done with him. Is it wrong that I do not want to have anything to do with him? He has turned our family upside down for 5 years now. We have tried and tried to help him, to steer him in the right direction but he has fought us at every turn and has repeatedly tried to take us down with him. His father and myself, along with almost all his extended famil have started tough love and refusing to help him until he starts trying to be better. The only one NOT doing tough love is his mother. She keeps going him help, giving him money, etc. even though she KNOWS he is using that money on drugs and alcohol.

I do love him. Always will. He's my kid, but I can't keep putting up with being treated the way he treats me. Am I wrong? Hubby supports me and understands. I won't stand in the way of him having a relationship with his son, but I'm cutting contact until he grows up some. We all see he's headed for jail or the grave with his actions, but we can't make him see that he's on a dangerous path.

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J_ - posted on 06/20/2013

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Jennifer! I am so sorry to hear about all of this. But in my eyes, you are doing the right thing. There is nothing wrong with taking a step back. He IS an adult now, being 18. Let him make his mistakes, end up in jail, mental health treatment, etc. He can only help himself at this point. If he has truthfully gone as far as physically abusing you, then I would cut ties myself too. When he grows up, if he ever does, he will understand what he has done wrong. If he doesn't, then oh well. You've done all you could for him, especially as a stepmother. You should be proud of yourself for doing at least that much. Kudos to you. Just keeping doing the best you can with your child and your other stepson. It's all you can do dear! Take care. Best wishes.

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