Stepdaughter, 19, cannot stand me.

TAMMY - posted on 01/18/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I have a 19 year old stepdaugher who has always thought of herself as the PRINCESS. She has always been the favorite with her father. He basically allowed her to own the home and what is in it. I am tired...so tired of her crap. She walked in the house once and said..."Tammy is still alive." She calls me a bitch, the wicked witch or evil stepmom. She set me and her dad up as a joke...now she hates the fact that we are happy together. She wanted him for herself...she wanted him to be dependent on her. I feel like quitting, but then I think of my life without the man I love and it rips me apart. Does anyone have any suggestions about my plight? Can I just ignore her existence the way she ignores me?

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Jessica - posted on 02/22/2010

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As a 19 yo and a step child, I did not like the gf that my dad or mom picked. My mom married the guy I hated and my dad is not in my life at the moment. I hated the guy that my mom married I dont know why I guess I didnt like the fact that my mom was with somebody else. I cause alot of problem between them but my step dad put his foot down to my mother and told her I am not going to disrespect him in his house. now I do give him resepect but we still have our ups and downs. Make your husband put his foot down and if she keeps it up, just ignore her she will eventually get the clue that it doesnt bother you..

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Jessica - posted on 02/24/2010

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It took about 2-3 years for me to come around. Im sorry we act like this. I guess its just difficult for us to adjust to a new situation. I would just her time... keep trying to talk to her and get along with her but all the crap she talks to you just ignore it.

TAMMY - posted on 02/22/2010

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That's what I'm trying to do...ignore her, but how long do I have to wait to feel like I actually belong with my husband in my own home? I'm so very tired of all of it.

TAMMY - posted on 01/24/2010

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I wish my husband would do something about her, but he won't...he's so afraid he might piss her off and she'll stop talking to him or something...it's sickening!! He knows the things she's said and done...he says, "I can't control her." The fact is, he never tried. He allowed her to totally rule and that's the way she thinks things are supposed to be. Her world revolves around herself and how miserable she can make me. All of her photo albums have pictures of herself in them...very few of anyone else. I feel for her boyfriend because he will never measure up to her dad...if they marry, it will probably end in divorce. It will be sad if that happens, but good for her...hopefully. If she only knew that her dad didn't want anymore children after his son was born...I wonder what she would think then. I just can't stand her...I have held the olive branch out more than once...I won't do it again.

Robin - posted on 01/22/2010

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I have been where you are at. But my step daughter is no longer living with us. I finally got my husband to realize that every argument that he and I was about her or revolved around something she had done. She would do something to get us in a fight then cry and be like stop arguing and one day I had enough and just told him that yeah she puts on an act for him but deep down she loved it when we fought. I told him she was not Cinderella and me the wicked step mom and that he better make the known to her. He wised up and saw her games and now we all get along pretty good. Cause she knows she can not come in the house and walk on me or play us against each other. And I ignore any attempt she makes to try to get us in a fight. That works better than arguing with her or letting her see us argue.

Karen - posted on 01/21/2010

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that is me I have prayedto love he at least like her treat both my daughter and her equal, she stay up stairs all the time only comes down to eat and showe talks on the phone over 9,000 min a month notconting tex over 1000,when she is here alone with me I sat and talk nice or hours not 3 words from he like talking to a wall..and I get the rolled eyes, want to smack her face off. but lies I cant stand she knows I get angry if Im lies on,, hr dad says oh shes had a roughchild hood..cause her mom walkedoff& left her,,years ago, I touht er to wash her hair bath and be clean she was so nasty,,no oe cared but me and she hates me with no end,,if not for me she wouldntet to go places and have the friends I forced her to make..you are right I dont hae to love or like her but as long as she is her in MY home Ionly ask for respect and get it from either..I rased a woerful 20 yr old..and trying to do so with my step..which I was told she dontwat me to be a mother,,it hurts that I can be friend he or make her understand,,14 and thinks shes so mature..I give up really and dont care..Ive worked so hard,,and she chooses to push me out..she as caued all of mine and my hubbys aguements..our first y aniversery I spent a lone she ad her dadtook my trip,,all because she wanted to take a 14 yr old boy fiendwith us, I had included hr and didnt hved to ,I said no it not prope and no..just no nd th fit began,,yelling screaming..and her dad camein I was on the phone to my mom duing this..and he trie to hit me for screaming at her..and said it wasnt me..he wouldnt believe me he said it was me he heard..mom wasmy poof bt he wouldnt believe,,then is whern I said Im biding my time and Im calling this stuff qiuts,,its notheor me cause she has no family to go to..its just her and dad only..so Ill get them both the boot..soon a things are in order...

TAMMY - posted on 01/21/2010

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Thank goodness she doesn't live with us...she is in college in Michigan, but she only calls me when she wants to know where her dad is or to ask me to do something for her. She didn't bother to come home for Christmas...she decided to hang out with the Grandma who threw her out of her house once and her mother who just got out of prison. I suggested that her dad go to Michigan and see her because he was off from work...he decided to go to Atlanta and see both of his children and his daughter couldn't even show up to a movie on time to spend time with him. My philosophy is: If you're early, you're on time...if you're on time, you're late...and if you're late, don't bother showing up. She totally disrespected him and his time...I just want to slap her for that. She is very narcisistic, self centered and self absorbed...she makes others feel inferior to her on a regular basis. I am so glad I don't have to like or love her...because I don't and I don't think I ever will. How sad it's going to be when she graduates from college and I am not there with my husband or when she get's married and I am not there with my husband...IT SUCKS. I regret getting married sometimes...that is sadder than anything else.

Karen - posted on 01/21/2010

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know what you feel like I have a 1 4yr old step daughter that hates m cause she ca and cuses me argments with my husband.. rase her she has been around me for 8 yrs but in my honme 2 she never talks to me or he dad.. sneeky lies and tells her ad she cant talk to me with out screaming I have prayed and tried to gether o like me talked till I bleu today she went over minutes and he dad fussed she scteamed and cried and said didnt change her circle her dad believed it till i showed him..she lid again in frount of me and said I screaed a er he believed her we wereall in the same room I feel like a fool in my home.. I wish I could but her face but I cant touch her,,, Im not alloweed to displin her and he wont,,,I wnt a out Help

Karla - posted on 01/21/2010

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Does she still live with you? You, in my opinion, need to have a long heart felt conversation with your husband. I was given very good advice one time, and have used it more than once. Remind your husband that eventually his daughter will move out and then it will just be the two of you (doesn't sound like you have other children). He needs to back you up, and provide boundaries for his daughter, otherwise your marriage may suffer. It will take time for him to make adjustments, but hang in there!

Connie - posted on 01/19/2010

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My step daughter was the same way. She came to my home trying to make all the rules and her father allowed it. Until I put my foot down. I told him if he could not tell her she does not run anything in our home but her mouth he could leave along with her. She left he did not. That being said she regrets it at least it appears that way. And she come by more often. she was 9 or 10 then and 16 now. She is just not use to sharing. She will get over it once she gets more involved in her own life. I am betting she will not even remember how she treated you. When my step daughter started coming back around I ignored her the same way she did me. I spoke to her but that was it. I carried on my day like she was not there. We are still ironing out the wrinkles but we both are more comfortable around each other. Her mother on the other hand is not liking it one bit. She is just scared she is losing her father. I know it hurts but remember that is what kids do when they are hurt or scared. She will grow out of it. My step daughter use to try and hook her father up with other women. Talk about being outraged and no where to vent. Believe me I understand. I can only imagine the jokes her and her mother came up with. i do not let myself go there to often. This too will pass. The best advise I can give u is to speak to your husband. Only he can put it all to rest. Good Luck and be strong.

Katina - posted on 01/19/2010

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That's a very tough position you're in and I think you already know that it's impossible to just ignore that behavior whether you outwardly express your disappointment or not. I wonder if she's lashing out at you because she resents the fact that you and her father are here for the long haul and not her father and mother. I would encourage you to talk to your husband about the way she talks to you. His daughter can still be his "princess" without disrespecting you. She doesn't have to like you, but that certainly doesn't give her the right to talk to you the way you described.

Sarah - posted on 01/19/2010

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Sounds like something you need to bring to the attention of the man you love. He needs to step up and be a parent to her and let her know that what she is doing is not okay. He may have let her walk all over him in the past, but it's going to have to stop somewhere or it's just going to keep getting worse. She is pretty much an adult, and if she doesn't want to act like one then pack her bag and put it on the front step untill she can respect you and her father.

If you ignore her she will probably keep treating you like crap, and she'll believe that she can walk all over you like she can her father. Don't lower yourself to her level!

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