Taking Mom's Place

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

Does anyone else ever have the children's mom and her current husband tell you that they are tired of you trying to take their place? I am only doing what I think is right, which is encourage them to be open, honest people, that respect other adults and peers, and I encourage talking to their mom when we have them every other weekend. My choices in the past haven't been great, and some were wrong, but I always stood up for what I believe in. Is that really wrong?

Has anyone else suffered loosing thier spouse to the hands of ex's? It's to the point where I don't even want to associate with this family anymore because I am tired of being the center of blame for everything. I took myself out of the school scene, activities don't appeal to me, phone calls are with dad unless they ask to talk to me (which they always do), and I am supportive of them no matter what, I choose not to go to functions I know their mom is going to be at, because the kids shouldn't have to see her power struggle me, even though I am there sitting in a chair and that's it!

I need help and support. Someone hear my prayer. I've kicked my husband out and we are officially seperated thanks to a fight that started after I apologized to the kids stepdad, and I want him back so much already. I have nowhere to turn.

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3 Comments

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Glenda - posted on 08/11/2009

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I thought about backing out of a function because bm was going to be there then my husband told me it was out of the question. We were not going to miss out on our childrens lives because of her instability. I am SOOOO glad that I listened to him even though since then I have had the unfortunate pleasure of spending a whole field trip with her and 'our' girl. Trust me, you are letting her win if you back down to her because your doing exactly what she wants you to do....get out of her childrens lives. They obviously like you, don't let them down. I know it sucks, but you need to be the bigger person in your relationships, it'll pay off in the end. It sure did for me!

Brandee - posted on 08/11/2009

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May I ask how hubby feels abt this? I'm sure it's tough for BM to accept anpther woman being in her children's lives! (Been on both ends of that spectrum) But she needs to see you as someone else to love and care for her kids instead of a threat to her. She also needs to see that she has "allowed" (and your husband has too) another man in their lives..why the diff with you as a woman?! You and hubby both need to realize, as much as you both love his children, and want what's best for them, is havinf you married to him and in their lives bad?! They are children, they will always be his children. But at some point, they will grow into adults and have lives of their own. If you and hubby split now, what happens to you both then? You two stay apart and lead seperate lives to satisfy his ex?! And as far as you not going to school functiones, etc..I repsect your thoughts on the children not witnessing the power struggel. But, with that, they and you are missing out! You love them and I presume they love you too. You want to be there for them. And you should be! No need to even make your presence known to the ex. If she does see you there and causes a scene (as sad as that wld be for the kids) they also will see that you were there for them! And it was BM whom acted childish and uncalled for. I'm not suggesting you point it out to them, but, they will see that you were there for them because you care. And they will see how BM acted and form their own opinion of how she chooses to act and react. Pending how hubby feels though, I personally don't think you should cause her to end or even pause your marriage.

Brandee - posted on 08/11/2009

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May I ask how hubby feels abt this? I'm sure it's tough for BM to accept anpther woman being in her children's lives! (Been on both ends of that spectrum) But she needs to see you as someone else to love and care for her kids instead of a threat to her. She also needs to see that she has "allowed" (and your husband has too) another man in their lives..why the diff with you as a woman?! You and hubby both need to realize, as much as you both love his children, and want what's best for them, is havinf you married to him and in their lives bad?! They are children, they will always be his children. But at some point, they will grow into adults and have lives of their own. If you and hubby split now, what happens to you both then? You two stay apart and lead seperate lives to satisfy his ex?! And as far as you not going to school functiones, etc..I repsect your thoughts on the children not witnessing the power struggel. But, with that, they and you are missing out! You love them and I presume they love you too. You want to be there for them. And you should be! No need to even make your presence known to the ex. If she does see you there and causes a scene (as sad as that wld be for the kids) they also will see that you were there for them! And it was BM whom acted childish and uncalled for. I'm not suggesting you point it out to them, but, they will see that you were there for them because you care. And they will see how BM acted and form their own opinion of how she chooses to act and react. Pending how hubby feels though, I personally don't think you should cause her to end or even pause your marriage.

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