Jessica - posted on 01/15/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )
I just want some people to talk to that are in similar situations. My story in extreme summary...
I met my (now) hubby and SD in 2001 when she was 5 and living with biomom. We saw her everyother weekend when biomom felt like being nice and things were ALWAYS strained with everyone. There have been so many court appearances and nasty things that eventually Child Protective Services (CAS in Canada) had to make an order which included a clause that no one could speak negatively about anyone else in the child's presence. After a long story, my SD is now 13 and has been living with us fulltime for almost 2 years. Her mom moved to a different province and their relationship has been continuing downhill (it was never great which is why she's with us). This woman (biomom) has always been a real piece of work, but about a week ago, my SD came into the kitchen bawling and hugged me and started blubbering about how "she said it's all my fault". Once she calmed a little and the story came out it seems her mom indirectly laid blame on her for everything like the move to a different province etc. Of course all of these things were the decision of biomom - she got married and moved to live with him, and took SD's half-brother because the order with the other father wasn't as strong. I fully expect she thought she'd end up with both of "her" kids on the other side of the country and never talk to either of the fathers again - but it didn't work.
Okay, enough of the story - what I want to talk about is how hard it is to say things like "make sure you tell her about this new thing in your life", or "no, I'm sure she didn't mean it like that, think about it this way", etc, etc. In the situation above all I could say was "well, *I* love you lots". However, there have been lots of times that I defended a situation when it would be so much easier to say - yep, she was mean - and let her go on being angry. My problem is that I love my SD so much that I don't want to see her lose such an important relation - even though I would love to personally strangle her (biomom) a couple times a month for things she does.
Anyone else want to chat?!?