The right of step-parents???

Annette - posted on 01/14/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My step son is suppose to be here every wed between 5:00 and 5:30. Last week I had to call to find out where he was at and she said...Oh...is he suppose to be there? Now he is still not here. She has been doing this since my husband left for Iraq and there is nothing I can do because legally she does not have to let me see him. Step parents have no rights. Keep in mind that the reason he comes over is because I am the one who helps him with homework. She does not help at all. I love my step son very much but sometimes I can't wait until he is 18 so I can say...enough. Although I would never do that.....I guess I am just venting..another wasted dinner.

Annette

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Annette - posted on 01/17/2009

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Unfortunately even if it were in the order she would not have to comply. It works like this. It is in the order but she refuses to bring him or let me pick him up. My husband would have to take her to court. Even if we could get the paper work done in a timely manner...(mail takes 2 weeks) DH would have to show up for the court date. If he doesnt show up he forfiets his rights. I am not allowed nor welcomed in family court and have been told so. His dad has the visitations, you are right, however, I still cling to that little hope that there is some human left in her and she thinks about the kids. And I didn t consider it visitation when he lived with us for  7 years full time. when i am the one who took him to the emergency room and she never showed up, I took him to church, to school, to the doctors, to the store, to the library, quit my job to homeschool him because she couldnt take the time to help with his schooling. The law may but I never will consider it visitation when he calls me mom and her his birth mother.

Rachel - posted on 01/16/2009

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It would have to say it in the order. They are not to be at the visit to visit you, but his dad. I wouldn't expect to have visits with my husband's children if he wasn't here. His dad has the visitation, not me.

Clare - posted on 01/16/2009

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I feel wor you and agree the very basic and to me moral thing for her to do is let you know the son wont be coming. Although it seems that wont happen , could you ring you DSS the night before and check his availabilty? Can you then pick him up from school? Is that possible so the mother cant change his mind in the meantime?



Hopefully now the mother has remarried her prioritys might change also?



 

Dawn - posted on 01/16/2009

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In some ways I agree with the child visiting when the bio parent is deployed (or let's just say out of town), and in many ways I don't agree.



As a step parent, I would like the occasional visit with my stepkids if my husband was away.  I think it would be positive for the children to interact with my children and to continue the relationship at our home.



As a parent, I don't think that I would be comfortable sending my children to their stepmom (keep in mind there is no other children in that home - and I have never met the woman.)  However, if I liked her and there was other kids...I'd allow some visitation. 



If a woman (or a person) petitioned the court for rights over my children...I would fight it tooth and nail. 



 



 



 

Karen - posted on 01/14/2009

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Yeah it happens, just depends on what state the child lives in and their attitudes toward military families and rights of the child etc. Get advice from your lawyer.

[deleted account]

So if he knew he was deploying we could go back to court and get that clause added that visitations would still have to occur so our girls could maintain their bond. Even if I was the one picking up/dropping off, etc?

Karen - posted on 01/14/2009

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I assume that maybe before your husband's left for duty that they would have a clause in the visitation agreement that the child/ren still exercise their visitation times in order to maintain their relationship with their siblings. Basically step-parents don't have any rights as the primary adults are supposed to be their bio-parents. We're just tag-alongs!

Annette - posted on 01/14/2009

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Quoting Penny:

I'm sorry you are so frustrated. My husband is in the Army Guard and can be sent off to Iraq at anytime too. I've often wondered what would happen with our scheduled visits and with my step-daughter spending time here during the summer. It's not just about her spending time with him, but with our family and her family here also. Do you know if there is anything you can do even if legally?



We have checked on it. No. Even if he was here I can only act in his stead. Meaning I need his permission to do or say anything and legally it still would not stand. With him out of the states then I am at her mercy. I guess I should be greatfull that she doesnt like doing the home work thing or the doctor thing....or anything except be their friend. I guess in the end it is all about the kids but just once I would love to say....Can you just respect me enough to let me know that he is not coming. You don't have to like me. Just treat me like a human. She would never be this petty if my husband were here. Well she just got remarried...One can only hope that she gets the same from her new husbands ex wife.

[deleted account]

I'm sorry you are so frustrated. My husband is in the Army Guard and can be sent off to Iraq at anytime too. I've often wondered what would happen with our scheduled visits and with my step-daughter spending time here during the summer. It's not just about her spending time with him, but with our family and her family here also. Do you know if there is anything you can do even if legally?

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