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The stress of being a step parent and dealing with the other parents!

Franny - posted on 03/26/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

Well I just need to vent! My husbands ex wife does not seem concerned that their daughter can not read or write to her grade level she should be in 6th grade however is only in 4th and will not pass 4th grade this year. She only reads at 2nd grade level. Any ideas on trying to make reading enjoyable for her. I have tried baking with her and have her read the directions and mix everything at the end she would have a treat. However that is not working just to make boxed brownies took us 1 hr 20 minutes just to mix them. She cried the first 50 min cause the words on box too hard. We hired a lawyer May of 08 to get custody of her it has been almost a year I have done all the foot work for the lawyer we have paid $11k and have gotten NO WHERE! We really need to get custody of her before we completely lose her she said that it does not matter is she drops out of school her mother did. She thinks I hate her cause I work with her reading. We have purchased hooked on phonics and games for the computer. Just don't know what else to do. Meanwhile my ex husband had me served with joint custody papers for our son. We were divorced a year ago and he gave me sole custody now he wants joint custody. So we get our lawyer to respond to his lawyer which we had to pay another retainer fee of $1500. And my ex just quit his job and moved away for a few weeks and just moved back to the area and has decided not to go for joint custody. After I forked out $$ for lawyer. He also has decided not to pay child support anymore nor has he paid for medical since we have been divorced. Since we were divorced in another state I am now having a hard problem getting everything to go after him for child support and medical expenses. Thanks for letting me vent just a little!

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Neely - posted on 03/26/2009

Don't waste anymore money! you can get an attorney for free if you cannot afford one and they will help. As far as taking him to court for child support, just find out who your local child support worker is and stay in regular contact with him or her. They will hound your ex like you would not believe. He will be required to try to get so many jobs a week and prove it to them. My ex is over 20 grand in arrears and child support had him in jail and is going to take his license away. the judge can order he pay it, but what good is that. As for the reading, has ther ebeen any testing done for reading disabilities or dislexia? My daughter is a little behind for her age and I have her read out loud to me or we read together. they also have fun "You Read to me I'll Read to You" books at eh library where you take turns reading. Good luck with all your many battles!

Amber - posted on 03/26/2009

Well my stepdaughter is very slow as well in her reading skills and her schoolwork also and im just wondering why the school has not put her in special reading classes at the school. Also my stepdaughter gives up alot and says oh well my mom wont help me becasue she doesnt know how so i just wont do it then, so its alot of learned behavior that is going on in the mothers home that is out of your control, we go through the same thing, she just recently got into the twilight books, she is 11 almost 12 and she loves them and cant put them down, so her reading has gone up 100% so maybe taking her to the book store and letting her pick out something that she wants and is interested in to help her get into liking to read.

Franny - posted on 03/26/2009

She does not understand basic phonics that is what we are working on now. We have had a conference at the school separate from her mother who does not know we contact the school and asked for her to be tested for disablities or for her to get extra help however the school tells us she is not eligible for help and her BM does not believe there is anything wrong. I alway praise her when reading and always have something fun planned after words like playing her favorite game or doing something she would want to do. Unfornutately her BM does not put the effort in she signs her daily adgenda stating her homework is done, how she sent her to our house 1 time with her backpack I found all her missing assignments they either were not done or partically done. Her BM will not send her backpack home or let us be involved with her school.

Megan - posted on 03/26/2009

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It sounds like your SD might have a learning disability if she is so far behind. Have you spoken with the school about what can be done? I'm not sure how often you have her but it sounds like unfortunately there needs to be outside help. In our sitch, the BM also doesn't really respect education. She pulls the kids out of school and such. We require them to bring their bookbags to our house and sit with them to do homework. The kids love it because it is positive attention. But, it sounds like you've tried that. If you think its a matter of confidence then I would start with some really easy books and use lots of praise and gold stars and rewards and work up to the harder stuff. Does she understand how to sound out words?