Jocelynn - posted on 07/03/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )
Hi there! I've been part of this community for quite awhile "lurking" and reading everyones post which has helped me to know that everyone has issues with a Skid. But I was wondering if I could get some advice. Family dymanics are I have been married to Dh for a little over 2 years, he brings a now 16yr old BD and I have 3 BB's from previous marriages also. My 2 youngest lives with me and DH full-time, SD alternates one week on and one week off. When me and DH first got married, she used to get away with everything, which I didn't agree with because I have different expectations with my BBs. But everytime I mentioned something DH used to get very defensive like I was just trying to find things that were wrong about his parenting skills. (which was never the case at all) He always felt guilty for not being there completely for SD and then when the divorce between DH and BM was being finalized SD told DH that she hated him because BM told SD things about DH that were not so good and blamed him for the divorce. So I'm completely sure he was trying to overcompensate and be SD's friend and not expect anything because "she had a hard childhood" and she's not with us full-time. I was very frustrated with entire situation, my BBs always asked why SD didn't have to do anything around the house and would get whatever SD wanted. Fast forward to present time.
DH finally realized that SD was a manipulator and realized his mistakes for not expecting more from SD. And SD has absolutely no respect for anyone, she cusses to everyone including her parents and complains that she is "suffering"and that she is being punished. Well we set up alot of rules and she just ignores them, we even set up restrictions for the internet which she hates! DH decided that enough was enough and no more freebies or free rides. We suspected that SD has been stealing from the Mall and whatever store she goes to. Last week DH got a call from BM saying that SD was caught stealing at a grocery store. SD has a court date and BM said that she will pay the fines for SD. The thing is that even though DH says that SD's freedom will decrease because she has been acting like a spoiled little girl and that SD doesn't take responsibility for herself. DH said that it's all on BM for punishing her, but BM is such a push-over that she even gives SD money to do whatever to this day! Well now she is with us and DH might talk the talk but sometimes he never follows through and despite her behavior she is out with friends to a concert tonight! I am so frustrated, I want to say something to DH but I'm afraid that he will get defensive again and think that I am saying he is failing as a parent. In my world SD would have everything taken away and punish her, I even told DH that SD is glad that Im not her BM. If my kids did something like that, they would have nothing but a book to read and be grounded for at least a few weeks. What do I do? Do I just let things go the way they are, I know when SD moves out and awakens to the "real" world and blaming other people for her actions doesn't go far she will blame her BPs again for "screwing up her life". I think that SD needs to be taught about how her actions are inappropriate and plain defiant. But DH just says that it's BM problem if SD misbehaves over at her house. I'm afraid that I just don't have that kind of weight when it comes to diciplining SD. It's just very maddening to watch everything and I've had enough! Me and SD used to talk to each other and do things, but after SD screaming at me and her BPs and pretty much saying in her own words that she hates me and my boys. So I'm not quick to open up again with SD because she hasn't even apologized to anyone, like we are supposed to take it because "she's mad". UGH! How do you handle something like this? Am I just supposed to take this and ignore it? I'm sorry so long, but to be honest this is the short version, alot more has been happening for these past couple of years with SD and her unacceptable behavior and attitude. I will not let a "kid" ruin my marriage but I'm not sure how much more I can take. Please help me. :-(