URGENT: Need help understanding our rights!!!

Kenna - posted on 04/25/2009

I am so sorry, I was reading in nursing lingo where TX stands for treatment, I wasn't even thinking TX for Texas. My bad. That puts a whole new light on the subject.

Kathi - posted on 04/25/2009

Quoting Kenna:

Is dad at home and you are just picking up SD or is dad gone? Unless the parenting plan states that no other individual can pick up the child unless agreed upon by both parents then dad can send any designated party on his behalf to pick up his child. If you must you can take to parenting plan with you and contact law enforcement when it is his visitation weeked and she won't let her go. Maybe though it would be better if you have in-laws in the same town or another third party to do this for you. However, I don't want to step on your toes but I have to ask what "treatment" if it is medical treatment d/t infection or illness then I am sure you will have good fight when it comes to being able to pick up you SD to take her to see you DH. But if you are saying 'treatment" for drug or alcohol abuse then that would be a different story as taking a child to a rehab facility can have lasting, devasting effects on a child (trust me I know) and the BM may have a vaild reason for saying "only if daughter wants to go"

She said he is going to TX ( I assume for work related reasons)... not treatment.

Kathi - posted on 04/25/2009

DH= Darling Husband I think or Dear Husband..... I guess it depends on how you are feeling towards him that day.... In my case sometimes its Dorky Husband.....

Janet - posted on 04/25/2009

I'm not really sure about what treatment you're talking about...I don't think I mentioned any treatment. My SD would just be coming to my house. Also what does DH stand for?

Kenna - posted on 04/25/2009

Is dad at home and you are just picking up SD or is dad gone? Unless the parenting plan states that no other individual can pick up the child unless agreed upon by both parents then dad can send any designated party on his behalf to pick up his child. If you must you can take to parenting plan with you and contact law enforcement when it is his visitation weeked and she won't let her go. Maybe though it would be better if you have in-laws in the same town or another third party to do this for you. However, I don't want to step on your toes but I have to ask what "treatment" if it is medical treatment d/t infection or illness then I am sure you will have good fight when it comes to being able to pick up you SD to take her to see you DH. But if you are saying 'treatment" for drug or alcohol abuse then that would be a different story as taking a child to a rehab facility can have lasting, devasting effects on a child (trust me I know) and the BM may have a vaild reason for saying "only if daughter wants to go"

Jennifer - posted on 04/25/2009

I agree with the others on avoiding legal fees if possible - those add up fast!



BM in our case does the same thing. BM says the children do not have to be here (with me & my kids) if my spouse is WORKING. This is so not right, however the courts do nothing in the midwest. At first, the SK said they wanted to come over, but now they don't want to upset her. So, if he's working, they're not here. He's a butcher in retail so often he works Saturdays, sometimes Sundays too. It's quite difficult. It's been 3 years since SD visited. Younger SS still visits, but he's getting to the age when SD was too scared to stand up to BM.



My heart goes out to you. Let us know how things work out.

Kimi - posted on 04/24/2009

But if the father isn't there than she dosn't have to let you have her. The parenting scheduale is for the two of them. They both have the right to keep her if the other parent is haveing someone else take care of her. You may feel like you are her mom but that is'nt how a judge or mediator would feel and it certainly isn't how her bio-mom feels either. If bio-mom lets you call and talk to her than maybe you can plan a few outings together as an alternative to her staying over if she feels uncomfortable telling her mom that she wants to. That way you can still spend some time together. It's not worth lawyering up over if you can come up with some sort of alternative. Sounds like things aren't to bad between you and bio-mom if she is giveing you a chance to have her over at all so try not to spoil it. When your husband comes home it will go back to normal anyway. Stay strong for your husband because he will feel sad for you if he knows how badly this is all affecting you.

Alichia - posted on 04/24/2009

Even with the "first right of refusal" when it is Father's weekend in our lives the children still have to come over whether Father is in town or not. It is his weekend to decide if he wants to provide alternative care, or let them stay at their mothers house.

BM actually tried this and we sat in court where the Judge explained to her that "Fathers time is his time." And that she is not to interfere with Fathers time unless he is over an hour late picking up(or having the children picked up). If we are over an hour late without making proir arrangments, then she can keep the children and not let them come over for visitation.

Alichia - posted on 04/24/2009

The only way that she can say that sd can decide is if a judge writes it in an order. There are very few judges that will give children the legal right to decide if they want to see the other person. Judges usually understand that children need to see their father and, will deny mother that request.

Jamie - posted on 04/24/2009

Quoting Sarah:

As a stepmom, you don't have any rights, but your husband does. If there is a "right of first refusal" in his parenting plan, then I believe BM can keep SD. If there isn't, I believe your husband can require that BM drop SD off to you for his scheduled weekend visitation, regardless of how BM or SD feel about it. You might want to speak with a family law attorney to find out your husband's rights concerning you caring for SD during his parenting time when he is away. I don't think BM can interfere with his time, even if he's going to be away.

This is correct.

Kimi - posted on 04/24/2009

We really don't have any rights. Sorry. The parents both have right of first refusal in most cases. Nice that she is at least letting her daughter choose My sd simply wouldn't be allowed to come if my husband were gone longer than three hours unless that worked out well for her Bio-mom.

Kathi - posted on 04/24/2009

Gosh I've been doing this for 12 years (my step daughter is 19 now) and basically we have no rights. We went to court over some issues with her mom and basically I was told that it "didn't have an impact on me" so I was not to be involved. Your husband has to do the communicating with the ex. He has to tell her that you will be picking up his daughter while he is away. Not ask. Tell. Make a plan for your husband to speak with his daughter either by video chat or on the phone at a set time each day he is away so that he still gets his "visitation". That way when she takes you guys to court (and she will... have no doubt) for an increase in support or whatever is bugging her, she can not say that he made plans to be away in complete disregard to his daughters visitation schedule. You always need to be one step ahead.

Tanya - posted on 04/23/2009

In my DH's CO it says if my DH can't pick up then he can send anyone in his place. He just has to provide the transportation it doesn't have to be him. Also I don't know if this would help this situation but you could get a power of attorney from your DH. It just means you are acting on his behalf and have the same parental rights he does in his absence. I would definitely talk to a lawyer and look into getting something put in the CO about this.

Ashley - posted on 04/23/2009

Any contention here will be felt by the kid at some level, IMO. Have your husband call his daughter and see what she wants to do. They can figure out what she will be comfortable with and set up a plan for while he's gone. That way you don't have to be vulnerable twice a month and "see if she wants to come" and she won't feel a lot of pressure AND his ex can't wield some sort of weird ex power trip thing over your head. AAANNNNDDDD you won't have to worry about it OR pay legal fees. :) Trust me, if you don't fight the mother, you WILL win over the kid eventually. And the mom, too, probably.

Janet - posted on 04/23/2009

Thanks for the help. I'm going to call an attorney tomorrow to kind of get an idea, but that really helps.

Sarah - posted on 04/23/2009

As a stepmom, you don't have any rights, but your husband does. If there is a "right of first refusal" in his parenting plan, then I believe BM can keep SD. If there isn't, I believe your husband can require that BM drop SD off to you for his scheduled weekend visitation, regardless of how BM or SD feel about it. You might want to speak with a family law attorney to find out your husband's rights concerning you caring for SD during his parenting time when he is away. I don't think BM can interfere with his time, even if he's going to be away.

Tina - posted on 04/23/2009

In Canada I'm not sure what the laws are, but I have contacted my SD 's teachers over the last 3 years that I have been in her life, they know who I am, they give me all the info I need, as do her Dr's etc. Sometimes you have to cross the 'proverbial' line to see how far u can get..haha good luck!!

Janet - posted on 04/23/2009

No we don't have any children. Right now she's it. Thanks for the help though.

Jessica - posted on 04/23/2009

I'm not 100% sure... Do you have any other kids together? If you do, then she definitely has to come over to build her relationship with her siblings. If not, I don't know the guidelines for that....

Michelle - posted on 04/23/2009

we're going to go throughthe same sort of thing soon. my partner will be wrking away for three weeks n home for one week. ill be moving to the same twn as her so that my partner can see the three kids all at once, im in australia so i dnt know how itd wrk in the US but we're started looking into making me a gardian so i have rights when hes away. something to look into at least then u an contact the school and give you about the same rights as your partner. just a thought