Used and Overwhelmed

Dorothy - posted on 01/31/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Am I right or wrong for wanting free time? My husband wants his son over as much as possible. I sometimes feel used and overwhelmed when this happens because I have two children of my own to take care of. I am also having financial problems and feel I can't afford to take care of another child so much. When I talk to my husband about it and say that I would like to stick to a schedule, he turns it around and tells his family and friends that I don't want his son over because I don't like him. Thats not it at all. Am I mean and selfish for wanting to stick to a schedule???

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Kimberly - posted on 02/09/2010

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Dorothy, I was the same-way when I was married, Iam now seperated! My soon to be ex has a 15 yr old and even though he pays child support we did so much more for him then our own 2 children (money-wise) and it hurt me deeply! But my husband didnt go around and say that I didnt like his son. I had helped raise his son for 11 yrs! I just put my foot down and told him this and that is what child support is for etc. But I know the feeling about being a step-mother. It is hard being in that type of relationship. Good luck

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Julie - posted on 02/14/2010

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No, you're not. It might help to remind your husband that sticking to a schedule is good for his son, too. I'm lucky that my husband understands that (his boys, whom I love as if they were my own, are 9 and 6). We get to see them a lot and thankfully all the parents (mom, dad, stepmom, and stepdad) have a very good relationship. And under no circumstances should he ever tell his family that you don't like his son - that's unacceptable.

Karen - posted on 02/13/2010

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WEll aren't you lucky, you have two children of your own that live with you! Are you saying that his father doesn't look after him when he's over? Are these children pre-schoolers? You are having financial problems, what about your husband? Sorry can't comment fully cause it's not the ful story.

Patty - posted on 02/12/2010

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I have had the same talk with my hubby, We have been married for 6 years I have 5 children he has 5 so with out a schedule we are domed, but you do have to keep in mind that if it was not a blended family that you would only get alone time on times when you got a babysitter, so Just keep trying and hold on it gets bumpy but it is worth it and take the time when you can a hour here an hour there it all adds up.My husband and i decided that once a week we would go to lunch by our self's, and we also plan a weekend away 2 times a year.Like I said take time when you can and enjoy family time as well.

Kate - posted on 02/08/2010

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I feel you pain. One friday it seem like I waited all day just for my step-daughter to get dropped off.. What does the Brith Mom say about all this? Sometimes it feels a like we are back-up baby sitters.

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My Dad gave my sister some good advice after her divorce. He told her that a boy needs his father. Encouraging and supporting a strong relationship between your husband and step son will only help you later on. Boys need their dads ( assuming Dad is a stand up kind of guy!). Dad should definitely take his share of responsibility with all of the kids to give you time to yourself.

Rebecca - posted on 02/01/2010

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You kind of have to put yourself in your husband's son shoes. Is the situation at his BM unstable. Does coming to see his dad make him feel better about himself. If I put myself in your husbands shoes I couldnt stand to be away from my child for long. I too would want to sit with after a good days work. Play & Snuggle. Work on a project together. Maybe being at your home with your children and his son is the best situataion for the son? Daddy time is precous. You should be so thankful that married a man tha so devoted to his son and your children. Good Daddy's are hard to find!!!!

Rebecca - posted on 01/31/2010

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I understand you wanting a schedule it is much easier when you now in advance and I think most Ladies are like that. You deserve Free time you really need to sit your husband down and TELL him it isnt fair on you and it certainly isnt fair him telling people you do not like his son that in itself is really not right. Good Luck

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