Very long story but losing hope

[deleted account] ( 10 moms have responded )

Sorry this will be very long for those willing to read it. My husband and I will be married for 7 years tommorrow. I have know him and his children form his BM for 8 years his kids my sk were 2 and 1 (now 10 and 9). Through the years we as a family have dealt with his bm running away to florida with the sk for months. We have dealt with her physically and mentally abusing my SS. She tells him he's her bad child, she refused him food because he wouldn't clean his room that he shares with his other brothers (messes he didn't do on his own but expected to clean alone), she's choked him and left marks, she's thrown him into things, her husband now has choked him, she's locked him into his attic room for long periods of times and it gets unbearably hot up there, and has threatened him with not coming to see me and his father on weekends. We have called police and filed reports, we called children services and had them investigate twice but they have not found any evidence of abuse even though I have pics and documentation. But childrens services say we are not the only ones calling they still won't do anything. I feel like we are not getting heard and that we are calling wolf. But everybody tells us to keep up with the documentations, but why should we if it doesn't do any good? We tell my SS that we are trying to protect him but nobody helps us. Why?

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[deleted account]

This may seem a bit extreme, but if Child Protective Services isn't doing their job, call the media. Get in touch with an investigative reporter and send them pictures of the bruising on your SS's neck (not so you can see who it is, but so you can see tht there is obvious abuse) and tell the reporter that CPS is doing NOTHING even when gien indisputable proof. I know many CPS agencies are under the media knife right now for putting or leaving kids in dangerous homes and hopefully this will be the jump start they obviously need to help your SS (and any other kids in the home).

Aside from that, I would continue with the documentation. Have you ever shown the pictures to your custody judge? The mediator? You could always try filing for full cutody on the grounds of abuse, even if CPS isn't investigatin like they should be and I would think your documentation should be enough evidence for any judge to see that you guys have the best home for the children.

Good luck and please know my prayers are with you and your family!

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[deleted account]

Thanks Renee for your thoughts and support. I have talked to the case worker and she explained to me that there are alot of allegations that cannot be proven like the locking of his attic bedroom door. The lock is on the inside and there is no proof it's being locked from the outside. The caseworker had then forgot to bring her camera when she came look at his face. So there was no "proof" there even though he told them what happened. So basically our hands are tied. I am the only one that works and we cant afford the guardian ad lidem. I can't get a loan because of my bad credit. So basically all I have left is my documentation and police reports. We are planning to file for custody but my husband is wants to get a job first which I understand I just hope we are not too late. I do have somebody looking into the case that is a very important person in children services and that person may pick up the case and help us out.

Renee - posted on 08/18/2010

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Have you involved supervisors at CPS? If you get no where with them, then take it to the state level. All CPS agencies are governed under state departments of human services. Continue to document every little detail. Keep taking pictures. Continue to call the police and CPS every time he shows up with bruises. The more reports they have the better it will be in court for you. Ask court to appoint a guardian ad litem which is an advocate for children for court purposes. Get doctors, teachers and whoever else has seen this abuse to write affidavids about what they have seen and what you guys have done. See if they will file charges also. they are mandatory reporters. I know some of this costs money. Take out a loan if needed, to hire a lawyer. This child needs you and if it were me, I would do whatever neccessary to get the help needed. Threaten to sue CPS if you don't see anything being done. When you take the pictures, make sure they can see that it is him and date the pictures. Who dismisses the case each time? Have you seen a judge as of yet? Get a restraining order against her for him and the other kids. Then you will have to go to court, and you can show all your documentation to the judge then and make sure you let him know you have filed police and CPS reports and they haven't done anything.

Know we are all praying for you. I wish you luck. Stay strong and keep your faith.
Renee Parks

[deleted account]

Well it's almost been a month since I called children services and guess what the case was dismissed again! Go figure.

Kandia - posted on 07/26/2010

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Oh honey this made me cry..I coudnt imagine going tho something this bad..Ive been tho alot with my step kids but not this bad..Honey just keep your faith..I will pray for you and your family!!

[deleted account]

That's so funny cause I do the same thing only I think car accidents and stuff I hear on the news and I'll probably go to hell for it to. We could get him a lawyer to represent him but we can't afford it (I'm the only one working). We never let her keep the kids on our days unless she gives us thirty day notice and she rarely does that. We are planning on taking her to court for custody we just don't know when and we are a bit afraid that we'll lose and the custody agreement will get all messed up. So for now we'll just keep it doing the things we are doing a pray it doesn't kill our kids.

Betty - posted on 07/25/2010

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I've spent many late nights wishing SD's BM would die from the swine flu or something. Maybe you could find a program where you live that would help your SS get his own legal advocate. That's something to look into. It sucks that BM wants him on her days but doesn't want to be a nurturing parent. If she dislikes him so badly than she should be glad that you and your husband want to just keep him. Request as many vacation days as you possibly can and never never never let her keep the kids if it's DH's day to have them. Take her back to court as often as you can and fight for those kids like you would fight off cancer.

[deleted account]

Thank you to all for your help, we are thinking about the news team and filing a custody hearing but we fear by doing either of those things we will lose either one and my husband isn't ready yet to face that. At Betty if we didn't take them home she would call and press kidnapping charges and my husband would go to jail. She's already thrown him in jail for lying to the police so it would probably happen again. I think it looks better for us to follow the rules of the custody arrangement it's just we always follow the rules while she breaks them and gets away with it but if we broke them there would be consequences. I just don't know what to do I wish we could keep them forever and never see her again.

Betty - posted on 07/24/2010

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If I were in your situation to that extream than I would just refuse to return the kids to her or at least refuse to return the one suffering abuse. Make her do something, if the police show up and say you need to return SS just let them know that you are protecting him and show them the pictures. They probably wont even show up since they haven't been very helpful to you and your husband.

Tara Lee - posted on 07/24/2010

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I have to agree with Holly...if the situation is that bad, get your SS out of there anyway you can...call the media...I don't always agree with them, but in this case they may be the ones to turn the tide and get something done...Good Luck!

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