Waiting to go to court... advise PLEASE?

Larissa - posted on 09/20/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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So.. this is a bit of a long story, but I will try to keep it short. SDs of mine are 6 and 7. Ive been with my DH for 5 years. My SDs don't know life without me. BM has been with plenty of other men, and my SDs have watched BM wake up next to different guys a few times. DH and I were getting my SDs for weeks at a time last year and the year before because BM had other things to do (ie, dating or being lazy). Finally BM lost her job and her house last November. She let my SDs move in with us. At that time SD #1 (let's call her A) was in Kindergarten. BM had her in school for 2 months, during that time A had been late 13 days, and had missed 12 days of school. We had my SDs for almost 4 months and A never missed one day of school. (We live an hour away from BM and A was going to a different school) In February BM married her boyfriend that she was only dating for 3 months. She was still living at her parents house at this time, and now the stepdad is only 21 (shes 26) and he still lived at home with his parents and had no job and no car. He moved in with her and her parents. We then asked for custody because we were still paying child support and couldnt make any major decisions involving insurance and school because we weren't the ones with custody. She became angry and said she's think about it. The next Wednesday she drove to our house without telling us she was coming, knocked on our door, and told us she enrolled A into school back in her town and she was there to pick them up. We said no and called the cops (DH has joint custody) and cops made her leave. She came the next day and cops made her leave again. We met with our Lawyer the next day (friday) and then that evening BM came again with the cops. Cops came in and asked DH if he had a warrant because BM said he did. Turns out he had an inactivated warrant for child support from 2 years before that. The cops had to take him, even though they told us they wished they didnt have to because they felt it was best for the kids to stay with us. He had to be transferred to the county where it was in to pay bond which took a week, and he lost his job because of that. when DH got out of jail he called BM to ask for visitation, and BM said we could see them the following weekend. We called a few times before that weekend and she never answered and she didnt let us see them. We called everyday for 2 months and never got an answer from her. We had no clue where SDs were. 3 weeks after BM took them she called CPS on MEEEE saying I spanked them too hard and too often and they were now scared of me and scared to go to daddys house. When we finally made it to court she tried to ask that DH only have supervised visitation at her parents house. Judge all but laughed in her face and said he didnt believe it (cps threw case out right away) and SDs were going to be visiting us the following weekend at our house no supervision needed. We were then ordered to both pay $50 for a casa (court appointed person who checks both homes and talks to SDs and tells the judge who he thinks the kids should live with.) within 30 days. She paid the fee 35 days later (shouldnt that be contempt of court?) That was april 18th... its now Sept 20th and we have yet to have a visit. I have so much proof on how bad of a mother she is. SDs tell us how much they want to live with us again and talk about how BM smokes in the car with them and ashes fly back and burn them, they talk about how BM has them staying at BMs parents house, BMs husbands parents house (sleeping on floor) BMs sisters house (floor) and even my DH fathers (we do not get along with DHs father) house (on the floor) during school nights. They stay out all night with BM too. BM only gets them clothes from friends YOUNGER daughters, yet buys herself a new car and IPHONE. BM works part time at mcdonalds, and stepdad works at taco bell. SDs tell us stepdad is mean to them. BM says A has asthma (which she doesn't, she only seems like it because she's around smokers all day everyday) and we have a picture that BM posted on facebook of her smoking a cig right behind A. We have posts on FB that BM is talking about buying alcohol for DHs 15 year old sister. DH and I dont smoke, SDs slept at our hous in their own beds EVERY night for the four months they lived here. We called the casa and they said we are next on the list, but who knows how long that will take?? Is there anything we can do to get this moving faster? Poor SDs have to deal with this everyday and theres nothing we can do until we get in court! Anyone think we DONT have a chance of getting custody once we get into the courtroom? Wow, I could write a book about this!! There's so much more, but I think this is good for now lol... PS DH and I are both working great jobs now and things are great here. we have our own house, SDs have their own room and bunk beds. :) BM and step dad (who have told DHs sister shes not happy with him) live at BMs parents house. BMs dad talks on facebook about taking oxy and washing it down with beer to help him pass out because BMs parents are now going through a divorce. :( Please let me know what you think i can do to speed this up. Im afraid i dont have enough proof for cps to take the kids right out of the house, and if i dont have enough proof the judge will think im only calling to get her back for lying to cps about me. help? And thanks for reading all of this. :)

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Larissa - posted on 09/23/2011

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Thanks for the support ladies! Great news! The CASA FINALLY called us yesterday! She said she only goes by hard evidence, which is fantastic because we have plenty of it! Unfortunately SD has a nasty cough and says mommy kept smoking in front of her and I feel so bad for her. SDs had a horrible immune system until they came to live with us and then they only got sick once in four months. The CASA said she hopes to have a court date for us the end of Nov. to the beginning of Dec. She is going on vacation this week (of course, just my luck) and then when she gets back she'll start with the interviews and put her reports together. She spoke with BM already and is going to interview SDs at our house when she visits with us. I can NOT wait!! And so sorry to hear what you go through Amy, how does she afford a lawyer to keep going back to court so much? I hope she gives up, and I hope my SDs BM doesnt act like that if we get custody... :(

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Amy - posted on 09/26/2011

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so far bm just gets a slap on the wrist every time we go from the judge because she always comes in and says "I offered, but they never ask" He will tell her to start paying and we don't have to ask... but other than that nothing happens all he tell DH is to not stop her from getting records and we don't :)

Glad to hear CASA is working for yall instead of making it out to be no big deal :)

Larissa - posted on 09/26/2011

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Update: Turns out the CASA is already doing interviews! SDs said the lady came and only talked to BM and no tthem. SDs said they want to tell the CASA about BM smoking around them, and how mean their step dad is. and they want to tell her how they are made to sleep on a floor at all their babysitters houses. im so happy that they WANT to tell the CASA all that, we never told them to say any of that!! The only thing we told SDs is to tell the truth no matter what the CASA asks. DH and I have nothing to hide, BM on the other hand has a history of telling SDs what to say. Even when we are on the phone with them, BM is in the background (Its on speakerphone on BMs side) telling them what to say. CASA already called and interviewed out Pastor! Im so happy that this CASA seems to actually care!!!

Larissa - posted on 09/26/2011

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Does the judge every tell her to just give it up? or does the judge actually give her a chance to explain herself everytime? I just think if I were a judge I would get annoyed with someone who doesnt change their situation yet always wastes my time to ask me for something im not going to give them.

Amy - posted on 09/24/2011

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I wish I knew Larissa, Honestly she does have a job, she just refuses to support her child and then she complains when she doesn't get her way :) oh well life goes on right at least DSD lives with us :)

Amy - posted on 09/23/2011

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:( I feel so bad for your sweet children :( However the court system is SLLLLOOOOWWW :( We have been there we had tons of proof 2 dhr cases (cps) against BM and still took us from Sept 2007 to Feb 2009 to get DSD in our custody since then BM calls for emergancy hearings trying to get her back at least twice a year and hasn't paid a dime in childsupport ever her claim as to why she doesn't have to is because "She does not Agree that DSD should be living with her father."

Bri - posted on 09/21/2011

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question how do judges laugh in peoples face? they are serious and dont laugh in court, something sounds fishy.

having a tough time trying to answer this as best as i can give advice only because i had a GAL appointed to my child custody case and won full custody of my DD she is (5).....me and my dh got married about 1 month ago and very happy. im sorry things arent going well sounds like a bunch of drama. COPS shouldnt be around children, if the cops sent her home its not b/c she didn't win its b/c of usually the main parent refused visitation and its a civil matter....

if your dh had a outstanding warrant for his arrest for child support its because he didnt attend the compliance hearings usually.....i d make sure to pay so therefore there is no court at all.



also, your SD loves both sets of parents once both sets of parents realize that you can never take away a bond from a child with either parent, and if one parent alienates the other, then that child will remember such horrific things that parent did and resent that parent........how sad, prayers for your SD, i hope she stays with a happy home.

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I wish I had advice... Sounds like some of the crap we've dealt with and the beginnings of parent alienation syndrome where BM is trying to get the girls to 'turn' against you guys. I'd get all the recent school attendance records to show neglect. I'd also have SD talk to her school counselor about how she's feeling, how her mother treats her, and tell her not to be scared to share whatever with the counselor. If the school will call CPS on BM that should speed up the process a little bit. Teachers are mandatory reporters and if BM is doing a crappy job or putting them in danger then they should be calling. You seem to be on track documenting everything. I hope things speed up for you guys.

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