What do your step children call you?

[deleted account] ( 189 moms have responded )

I am a Stepmother to a very young girl (almost 2)...and she calls me mom...because her mother left for a year and didn't see her that whole time...well now she is back in her life and is upset that she is only calling me mom and not her. She cant say my name and im not sure that I would want her to because I am like her mom so anyone have any thoughts or suggestions on names to call me?

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

189 Comments

View replies by

Brittany - posted on 07/25/2009

21

11

3

My older step daughter calls me Brittany, and I've told her that I'm okay with that...The younger one calls me mommy, but I've had her since she was 8 months old... Maybe I'm just going about it wrong, but whenever their bm told the younger one to call me Brittany, I about snapped her leg off! If she wants to call me mommy, then thats her business! BM hasn't been there for the runny noses and nightmares! Whenever she's old enough, if Elizabeth *younger one* decides to stop calling me mommy, yeah, its going to break my heart into a million little pieces, but again, its her business... Not up to bm to decide what they call us!!

Queenie - posted on 07/25/2009

5

5

1

Well my step-children call me mommy when with the family. I have been in their lives since birth. Since turning 12 they call me by first name when they are around their mother or people who might know her. Completely unacceptable. I come from a very strict cultural background. We were raised not to EVER call an adult by their fist name, it is rude and disrespectful. I have taught young children to either put Miss in front of my name or call me Queenie which is a nickname but never ever by my first name. In the end you know how the child feels for you and you must do what makes you comfortable. My Godchildren call me Mommie Daph(my fist name is Daphne') Try coming up with a nickname

Wendy - posted on 07/24/2009

1

47

0

she should call you what shes comphy with.when i was married before, my step son called me mom and i stopped him from it until i realized that hurt him, so i made a deal with his mom he since then called me mommy wendy and his mom, mommy katrina.but out of respect it did help to have the real mothers ok for him to call me what he did, so noone thought in anyway i was trying to replace her, good luck, stay strong let her call you whatever she chooses

Missy - posted on 07/23/2009

1

0

0

Hi Meghan! I am a step mom of three boys and I have 3 biological children. I raised some of my step children part of the time. I did not want my step children to call me Mom, even though I think of them as my own. The reasoning behind this is because I put myself in the biological mothers position and I wouldn't want my children to call someone else Mom. My step sons and I have a great relationship!

Bec - posted on 07/22/2009

3

1

0

We have been discussing this issue of late and we are thinking of getting the kids to call me 'ema'... which is hebrew for mother... it's not outright mother or mum... our kids (my step kids) don't call any adults by their first name so we decided that wasn't an option for my 'name'!

Bec - posted on 07/22/2009

3

1

0

We have been discussing this issue of late and we are thinking of getting the kids to call me 'ema'... which is hebrew for mother... it's not outright mother or mum... our kids (my step kids) don't call any adults by their first name so we decided that wasn't an option for my 'name'!

Bec - posted on 07/22/2009

3

1

0

We have been discussing this issue of late and we are thinking of getting the kids to call me 'ema'... which is hebrew for mother... it's not outright mother or mum... our kids (my step kids) don't call any adults by their first name so we decided that wasn't an option for my 'name'!

Tracy - posted on 07/22/2009

1

20

0

there is no reason why she cant call you both mom i have 3 stepchildren all adults now they have always called me tracy but sometimes they do call me mom and i love it so i would have it that she calls you mommy meghan and her other mommy whatever her name is

[deleted account]

I have step-daughters and my kids have a step-mother. I do NOT agree w/the step-parent being called anything else, but by their name. Exspecially is both bio-parents play an active role in the childs life. If one is absent for years, then that's a different story . Both my step-daughter were young when my husband and I got 2/gether. So they of course followed what my kids were calling me, mommy. However, it's up to the grow ups to make sure they r/aware of the difference. I just tell my step daughters that I do not love them any less, but I'm not their mom, I am their step-mom and call me by my name. I still correct them from time to time, but now that they r/older the mistake is far and few. When they say mommy, I say my name and follow it with I love u.

Jennifer - posted on 07/22/2009

59

77

5

My bonus (step) son is 7 yrs old and calls me Momma. I have been in his life from day one! I always tell him he can call me what he wants to call me! For awhile he was calling me Momma Jen. Witch was fine with me too!:) His Birth Grandmother I guess tells him not to call me that. He told me that and that is when I told him he can call me what ever he wants! Maybe let her choose what she wants to call you through out life!

[deleted account]

I think it's only natural that your stepdaughter should call you mom. Looks like you have more influence with her anyway.

Jessica - posted on 07/21/2009

1

10

0

I have a 9 year old stepson. He has lived with his daddy & I since he was 2. He started calling me Mom shortly after his daddy & I were married. Unlike your situation, his biological mom has had regular visitation (which we are thankful for). She has never said one word about him calling me Mom, thank God. A child will call you what they are comfortable with. She loves you as a mother & views you as a mother & that is a wonderful thing. ALWAYS cherish that. As far as her biological mother, she needs to learn to accept that you are a mother to her as well....

Melissa - posted on 07/21/2009

5

15

0

If your step child is comfortable calling you Mom then don't change anything. Kids always do what feels good to them. If her biological Mom has a problem wit it then oh well she should grow up. She should be lucky that you love and care for your step child.

Wendy Larkan - posted on 07/21/2009

2

16

0

wow. that sucks. my first instinct is to tell mom to deal cause thats what she gets for leaving. but in the interest of preserving the peace....what about momma2? my sd calls me by my first name, but she was 13 when we got married.

Lisa - posted on 07/21/2009

1

1

0

My stepson ueses a "family nickname". **LOFTY** We didnt' want him calling me by my first name and we didn't want him calling me mom (he lives with his mother most of the time. He is now 11 and still calles me Lofty (yes from Bob the Builder) everywhere we go!

Alison - posted on 07/21/2009

6

7

0

I am a mom and step-mom. Very early on when my step-daughters were 2 and 5 they started calling me mom. My husband spoke to his ex about it and told her this was our choice in the interests of the family. It was an easier sell perhaps because he was encouraging her to do the same with her new husband and family and said it was fine with him if his girls called their step-dad "dad" too. I would point out that just because the little one is calling you Mom doesn't mean she can't call her real mom "Mom" too. Our kids are not confused by this - they know they have two moms and two dads and that two of them are biological and two aren't. One is "mom at the other house" when they are talking about it. It works with friends, with school. It is so much more unifying for the rest of the family. The only person who has had any trouble with it is their biological mother (understandably so) but I think it's easier for her knowing she can do the same for her family..... It has been eight years now and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Ashley - posted on 07/21/2009

35

35

0

My step daughter calls me by my first name on most occasions but every once in a while she calls me mom. I love it because it shows that I must be doing something right for her to call me that but it also makes me a bit nervous, I don't want her mom upset. The way I look at these situations is the children have 4 parents! It's more people to take care of them, love them and support them. Why be jealous that someone loves your child. 2 dads and 2 moms can't be bad!

[deleted account]

Where I come from [Hawaii] it's custom to have your SC address you as "aunty or uncle" so and so out of respect should your SC choose not to call you "mom or dad."



I'm a SM to 2 SS [age 5 and 9]; I have been in their lives for 3 yrs and the topic has never been brought up to my my SS to call me "mom." On the other hand, BM does have issues w/ me and prefers that I am not at all involved in my SS's lives in all aspects [school, extra curricular activities, etc]. Well that is another story for another day...



Just thought I share a little something from the Hawaiian islands...food for thought!

[deleted account]

Where I come from [Hawaii] it's custom to have your SC address you as "aunty or uncle" so and so out of respect should your SC choose not to call you "mom or dad."



I'm a SM to 2 SS [age 5 and 9]; I have been in their lives for 3 yrs and the topic has never been brought up to my my SS to call me "mom." On the other hand, BM does have issues w/ me and prefers that I am not at all involved in my SS's lives in all aspects [school, extra curricular activities, etc]. Well that is another story for another day...



Just thought I share a little something from the Hawaiian islands...food for thought!

Alice Jean - posted on 07/21/2009

2

9

0

my stepson calls me Mama and my SD calls me "Tita" (Auntie) My stepson gets mad at her younger sister if she calls me tita...their real mom left them for some reason i don't know. If my husband teaches them not to call me mama i feel kinda upset or something. IDK why.

Christina - posted on 07/20/2009

21

31

2

I have two soon to be step sons who are 14 months and 3 years. The 14 month old calls me mom while the 3 year old calls me Christina Mama. He calls his real mom either "mom" or "Kayla Mama" depending on his mood. I know it upsets her sometimes but he is old enough to understand the situation and who we all are. We have never once told either of them to call me mom, that has been their choice. Let her call you mom, she will grow up loving both you and her mother.

Michele - posted on 07/20/2009

1

11

0

It depends on the situation. For the most part my boys call me by my first name, which was my suggestion when I first came into their lives. Sometimes they will call me mom, but that tends to be when they are really emotional for good or bad. Either is fine with me, its really more about what is comfortable for them. Both of my boys are grown, married, and have kids of their own, so to be completely honest they usually call me Mema.

Sherry - posted on 07/20/2009

1

18

0

My 14 year old stepdaughter calls me by my first name. I have been with her dad since she was five. Early on I was careful to let her that I wasn't her mom and never could be. She sometimes slips and calls me mom but usually she just calls me Sherry. Other times she calls me TOM - The Other Mother... just too cute!!!

CRYSTAL - posted on 07/20/2009

2

6

0

MY STEP DAUGHTER'S CALL ME CRYSTAL. I NEVER SEEN WHERE IT WOULD BE A PROBLEM FOR THEM TO CALL ME MOM, HOWEVER I AM A MOTHER AND HAVE JUST RECENTLY STARTED DEALING WITH THE STEPMOTHER PHASE WITH MY DAUGHTER WHOSE FATHER HAS BEEN GONE FOR A WHILE. I AM REALLY NOT SURE WHERE I STAND ON THIS, BUT IF ANY CHILD LOVES YOU AND RESPECTS YOU ENOUGH TO CALL YOU MOM WHO ARE WE TO TELL THEM DIFFERENTLY. SURE IT WOULD PROBABLY BOTHER ME FOR MY DAUGHTER TO CALL HER STEPMOM MOM BUT I'D MUCH RATHER HER FEEL SAFE, LOVED AND TAKEN CARE OF ENOUGH TO GIVE HER THAT TITLE THAN THE ALTERNATIVE.

Rebecca - posted on 07/20/2009

2

5

0

My boy's BM is one of my best friends so it would does not matter what they call me though it does bother me to death when the oldest calls her by her first name! Weired huh? If your his mom than she should get over it you do the mom job! That is what you are! They call her mommy and me mom! It is cute! I have the 2 year old on a trip with me know and some wonder what the deal is because he and I are close!

Neyra - posted on 07/19/2009

3

16

0

You deserve tobe called MOM!!!! A real mother doesen't take a break from her children. Don't give her the time of day to hear her whine and complain because that little girl is calling you mom...she dosen't deserve your time or attention. Keep being the wonderful mother that you have been to your step-daughter and direct your time and attention to her and your relationship with her.

Neyra - posted on 07/19/2009

3

16

0

You deserve tobe called MOM!!!! A real mother doesen't take a break from her children. Don't give her the time of day to hear her whine and complain because that little girl is calling you mom...she dosen't deserve your time or attention. Keep being the wonderful mother that you have been to your step-daughter and direct your time and attention to her and your relationship with her.

Neyra - posted on 07/19/2009

3

16

0

You deserve tobe called MOM!!!! A real mother doesen't take a break from her children. Don't give her the time of day to hear her whine and complain because that little girl is calling you mom...she dosen't deserve your time or attention. Keep being the wonderful mother that you have been to your step-daughter and direct your time and attention to her and your relationship with her.

Sharday - posted on 07/19/2009

2

21

0

she should call you mum, if you hve cared for this child like a mother than you are her mother it takes alot more than giving birth to a child to have the right to be called a mum, my stepson see's his mum once a week even tho she is "suposed" to have him 3 nights a week now she does not care for him like i do and he calls us both mum i think if you care and provide for a child like a mother than why do you not deserve to be called mum?

Elizabeth - posted on 07/19/2009

4

20

0

I have been the stepmom to a 13 yr old since he was 5, my SS calls me mom for the same reason as yours along with the fact that I have had two children since his father and married...he heard me saying mommy this and mommy that and just one day started calling me mom. In the beginning his BM tried to make a huge deal of it...since the BM did not come around much it she enventually became known as her name...hang in there and let the child call you what she wants. Maybe you could be mama and the BM could be mom. We did that for a little while to make happy BM

Juanita - posted on 07/19/2009

10

11

0

If she feels like calling you mom let her. I wouldn't ckome up with another name for her to call you just cuz her bio-mom decides now she wants to be in her life. You don't have to give birth to her for her to look to you like a mother. For whatever reason the bio-mom left thats her choice and not yours, now she needs to work twice as hard to make up for lost time and be in her daughters life like she should have been the whole time. I have 2 step kids as well. Their 7 and 8. They know I'm not their mother but they also know I love them like my own and the other day my step daughter asked me when can she call me mommy. I was touched to my heart and told her she could call me what she wanted whenever she wanted. Will her mother like it? NO but I don't care.

Stephanie - posted on 07/19/2009

7

10

0

I honestly don't know what they could call you. I went through the same thing with my two stepsons. They have both called me mommy and that angered their mom. But nobody forced them to call me mommy. My youngest ss actually went up to his dad and asked him " Do you think Stephanie would mind if I called her mommy?" His dad told him "You call her whatever you want to call her" When their mom found out that they had called me mommy she started a whole load of crap. Accusing us of forcing the kids to call me mommy and saying that we were corrupting them. Again they were NEVER told they have to call me mommy. I feel as though yes she is in their lives, not as much as she should or could be but shes there, so they know who their bio mommy is but I am also a mother figure who does everything for them and I dont want to force them to call me mommy and I am not in any way trying to push her out of their lives or take her place as she seems to think but as a mother figure who is always there for them and takes care of them I would like a more special name with them. Maybe not mommy but something that shows that Im more than just a friend or daddys new soon to be wife.

Juanita - posted on 07/18/2009

3

5

0

My step daughter calls me mom because she has been living with me for over 7 years. I never told her to call me mom, she just started to one day. Do not play into her games. You should allow the baby to call you what comes from her heart!

Savanna - posted on 07/18/2009

8

37

0

My youngest stepson calls me Muh. I have been with his dad since he was about 18 months old. He will be 4 in August. The older two usually call me Savanna.

Heather - posted on 07/18/2009

1

11

0

I agree with you! you are her role model. My hubby now has been daddy to my son since he was 11 months, he calls his BD dad. My hubby there more for him and he only sees his father once a yr. My son is the one that started calling my hubby daddy I didnt force him.

Vicki L. - posted on 07/17/2009

1

6

0

Well from my experience its up to the child I have 2 step daughter 16 and half and 11 and I adopted my niece and she is 4. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married 8, my step daughters call me by my name but my daughter cause my husband dad, I beleive it is up to the child. My step daughters do not have a real relationship with their mother she gave up her rights. But my niece I have had her since she was a baby before she turned one and she calls me mommy but she also cause her biological mother mommy but sometimes by her name. it is a touchy situation and i would not make her change if she wanted to call you something else based upon her feeling later than let her but for now I will enjoy the reward of hearing her call me mommy!

Barbara - posted on 07/17/2009

1

17

0

I have a step daughter and I do not like to use that word step because my two feel like my own too.the mom does not mind if she refers to me as Mother but she does not like the mom thing..she is grown now and calls me by my name but when she writes Mother on a card it really makes me feel like I did my job...

Michelle - posted on 07/17/2009

1

3

0

My step daughters call me Elle...when I met them that is all Sammie could get out for my name. At first the girls did and wanted to call me Mom but I was not ready for that and I really believe that children only have one Mom. So the kids and I talked about it and we agreed that they would call me Elle..that's our specail nickname. Over time our friends and family picked up on the nickname and have started calling me by it too. I never liked that but I just dealt with it. Today 13+ years later when the girls call me Elle it still means something specail to me, I'm not even sure if they understand the importance of it. On a side note, it was a good thing to come up with. Their mom would not handle the girls calling me by the same "title". They are my girls and I love them dearly and that's all that matters.

Tanganyika - posted on 07/17/2009

1

7

0

I'm not really sure myself because I'm new at this step-parent thing. I have 2 stepsons (6 & 8) and there are times when the 6 year old will call me mom but the 8 year old hates me and calls me by my name. I don't know what to say to them to make them understand, the only thing that I can do is to continue to love them and be there for them.

Julie - posted on 07/16/2009

85

91

9

My daughter calls me mommy, mommy juju, or juju. she's been calling me that since she started talking around ten months and she is now eight years old. i do all the mommy things including the school events, parent teacher conferences, etc. She knows she has two mommies. BM has an issue with it every once in a while, but then calls me to take our daughter to this or that because she cant. She also had our daughter call her ex husband Daddy Ian. So she's really got double standards. Thats her problem not mine and our daughter is comfortable with having two mommies and calling us both mommy.

Jennifer - posted on 07/16/2009

8

20

0

My boyfriend's children (ages 4, 6, and 7) have recently started calling me mama since they want us to get married which is where we are going, just working out the details. He was concerned at first but then I told him that it doesn't bother me and they call me by Jennifer sometimes too. It just depends on how they feel. Their mother died a year and a half ago but we encourage them to talk about her when they want and they call her "real mommy".

Debbie - posted on 07/16/2009

2

5

0

My stepson's mom lives out of state and only sees him on holidays and part of the summer. At fisrt he called me friend, best friend, and debbie. I never asked him to call me mom but one day he did and i was surprised. now he always calls me mom. He knows that he has 2 moms.

Liz - posted on 07/16/2009

1

2

0

I feel that she should continue to call you mom, because you are the one that was there for her and that is what a mother is. The one that is there for them and teachs them how to walk and talk or makes them smile and wipes away tears when needed. The one who she will feel safe with and know that she is not going to leave her alone. You know what I mean I could go on and on you know what a mom does becasue you have been the one doing it for her. So yes she should continue to call you mom.
I have 2 stepchildren a boy and a girl of whom are grown now, but they both call me mom and I love it. I have been in there lives since they were about 2 and they had a crack head stripper whore for a mother. But anyway they spent alot of time with me and my husband as they grew older and there mom was so jealous that she told them to call me by my first name. ok But I will never forget the first time my stepdaughter called me mom. It was around Christmas time and she was about 8 now and we were driving around looking at Christmas lights and all of a sudden I heard oh mommy look over at this one it is beautiful. The car got silent for a few seconds and I said Sondra what did you just say and she said it again and then ask me if it was ok that she called me mom because she loved me and I had always been there for her at this point I was crying and told her that I would be more than honored if she were to call me mom. And to this day I am closer with my stepchildren than there mother is because I was the one there for them. So wear the name of MOM proudly Meghan. Sorry about the book but this is a subject that touches my heart for all the children that don't have someone they can call MOM.

Tina - posted on 07/16/2009

9

64

1

Has anyone thought about the mental and emotional ramifications of it all? Having been blessed as a mother and a step mother, I can understand both sides. I take my job as a mother very seriously as do I the job of being step mother. My children are my life. I personally don't think that it is okay for a child to call a step parent mom or dad, because it can create confusion for the small little minds. You can give them a name to call you other than anything in reference to mother, because children have only one mother and one father, step parents have certain responsibilities yes, however, the major responsibilities are up to the biological parents no matter where the child lives. It is so complicated in blended families. It makes it even more difficult if one or the other parent is not involved, but they are still the parent none the less.

Javana - posted on 07/15/2009

15

25

0

my daughter started calling me by my first name and in her own time she started calling me mummy's my son calls me by my first name only and my birth son calls me mom- mom. so I say in your house if she call's you mom and it's okay with you please don't change it's her birth mother fault not your's.

Marla - posted on 07/15/2009

3

21

0

Oh, and instead of succeeding in my stepson changing to call me by name, instead of "mom", his bio-mom's coaching to him on the subject that I am "Marla" only ended up confusing him MORE and resulting in him still calling me "mom" but calling her "Joy"! Since then she's REALLY been pissed off! ;-) But it was her own doing! I still say just leave the kids choose what's comfortable for them, either way!

Marla - posted on 07/15/2009

3

21

0

My stepson calls me 'mom' as well, because I was in his life as long as his dad. And not like my husband chose to not be involved until later. It was one of those situations where my husband only found out he had a son when he was 7-mos old and the mom was suddenly interested in child support! Until then, she was pawning him off as another guy's child, until he finally left her. Needless to say, she's psychotic, and she's scolded this poor boy (now 5) every time he "slips up" and refers to me as mom in front of her. But my husband is the one who refers to me as that with my ss. I've never spoken in 3rd person to him, even as a toddler. Sometimes, he calls me by name too, and that's fine. Basically, I let him call me whichever he chooses to, and he's never reprimanded or corrected (unless of course, it would be something disrespectful, which hasn't been an issue yet at age 5!). I don't want him having to stress over what he's calling who, when he legitimately has 2 families who all loves him. At his mom's house, he's constantly scolded over it. He definitely knows who his bio-mom is and that I'm a stepmom, so there's no real confusion. When he's prompted to confront me on it by his mom, I explain I'm his stepmom, but that what he calls me in our house is between me and him, and he is NOT doing anything wrong. I also explain that if he calls me mom too, it does not mean he doesn't love his bio-mom or that he's betraying her in any way. I hate that she puts that stress on him! "Mom" is just what's comfortable for him and how he's always addressed me since he started speaking. My real name is "Marla", which comes out as "Marma" or something close to mama for toddlers anyway. An r-l combo is difficult for kids to say. So I really couldn't differentiate between what he was learning to say in the beginning anyway. I think the bottom line is that it's up to our husbands since it's their children, especially if you don't tend to hang out as an extended family unit together on a regular basis. I think if you're just relaxed about it and let her decide what she's comfortable calling you, even if it's sometimes mom, sometimes your name, that should be fine. If the bio-mom is getting jealous and acting insecure over it, I truly believe that tension she's causing over it will only bite her in the butt in the end anyway, and your sd will eventually see which mom treats her like a possession she owns and wants to keep others from, and which mom simply loves her regardless of her title!

Amanda - posted on 07/15/2009

7

4

1

My sd and ss call me Amanda. Sometimes they slip and call me Mom, not that I mind. I know their mother would have a fit if they heard it.

Manuela - posted on 07/14/2009

3

12

0

"Mom" is a good name for you. Anyone who does the things a mom does can be called a mom. Yes it might upset her real mom, but the relationship is between you are your stepdaughter. As she gets older the situation will become more her decision, but for now if that is what she knows you as then, "mom" is who you are.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms