What's you'r situation..?

Jessica - posted on 02/22/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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What is your situation?

I am 19. I married my husband at 18 and he has a daughter from a previous relationship. The bm lived with my husband before we got together. When he and my sd moved out to live with my parents and I. the bm took my sd out of daycare and would not let my husband see her. My husband has had custody of my sd since she was 8 months old. the bm gave her to him. Now my husband and I have been married for over a year. We have a son together and the bm gets my sd on Thursday's for 2 hours and 1,3, and 5th weekends. The bm is 18 and VERY childish. She does not spen time with my sd when she goes over there. The grandmother does EVERYTHING for her. I have been told so my the bm's family!!! I hate my sd going over there but I have to deal with it. my sd loves her little brother!! and if I would let her she would do everything for him!!! even the poopy diapers!! lol

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Brittany - posted on 03/02/2010

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I am 20, my husband is 22. we met when I was 19 and he was 20. his son was about 2 weeks old at the time (my hubby and bm split before they knew she was pregnant). at 6 months old, bm took off and has not been seen since. she has lived no more than 20 minutes from us for the past 18 months, but cannot be bothered to take 5 minutes to come see her son. we just went to court in january and got full custody, and we are waiting to see if she will show up for supervised visitations. meanwhile, we are doing the best we can raising our 2 boys (ss will be 2 next week, and our son together is 9 months) and trying to keep my ss in contact with his 2 older sisters through their dad (he is number 3 of 5 kids, the only boy, and he has never met his 2 little sisters). so as frustrating as it is that bm doesnt want anything to do with her son, me and my husband are enjoying our life together and raising our 2 beautiful little boys together!!!

[deleted account]

Let's see... I'll go with the short version since you all most likely don't have a week or so to read everything I could write... :)



I met my hubby almost four years ago. At that time he was a single father to his 3 1/2 year old daughter. The bio mom had left them almost a year before we met to be with some guy she met on the internet who lived on the other side of the country (the U.S.). My hubby and I met via the internet and just communicated with email and phone calls (hours long most usually!) for almost two months before we met in person. After we finally met in person things moved fairly quickly and we were engaged two months later (the day before his daughter turned 4 - we joke that I was her present that year!). Six months after that we got married and here we are now: married almost three years and we have added two more beautiful little girls to our family (for a total of three). We still have our oldest 90% of the time and the bm still continues to give us problems. She still lives really far away (over 2600 miles) and rarely, if ever, even calls - which is actually a big part of our problems with her. Our oldest calls me "mom" and has since she was 6 years old (she's 7 1/2 now). Her bm does not like that at all, and she even tried to get the court to order me to not allow our daughter to call me "mom" or any version of "mom" at all. The judge laughed at her and threw the paper away right in front of her... Our whole situation is all convoluted and complicated, but as it stands now we're all doing well. We may have to go back to court fairly soon (for many reasons), but hopefully we can get everything resolved... Maybe...

Cassandra - posted on 03/02/2010

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I am 25 years old, I have been married for 5 years and together for about 6 1/2. Prior to him I had a daughter who is almost 11 and a daughter who just turned 7. He has a daughter who will be 7 soon. We have a daughter who is 3. We have full custody of all the girls and I am a stay at home mom. He is Navy and on seaduty so he is deployable. The bm is not too much of a problem, except that dh is still in love with her. I know that sounds kinda crazy, but they were together since high school and junk so yea. My dsd will not listen to a word I say, but is always like "I love you mama". My response is "I love you too, but I told you to do ....." Sometimes I feel as if my dh is putting me in the "evil stepmom" role on purpose. She can do no wrong when it comes to him, but my oldest gets the worst. I try to treat the girls all fair, it will only cause more problems later if I don't. It seems as if he is not even trying to be a parent. Oh and seeing as how we have been together since the middle two were 6 and 4 mths, she knows who I am and my role in her life.

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JESUS Tamara that's awful, your poor stepkids!! I thought it was just my BM who said dreadful things like that to her own children! When she was giving birth to her youngest (not my hubby's child) by planned c-section she chose to tell them mummy was going to hospital to get cut open with a big knife- they were 7 and 5 at the time. Nightmares all week for them, not surprisingly.

Tamara - posted on 02/25/2010

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Part of the job you are signing on for is this harassment...in a perfect world you, fiancee and SD would live happily ever after. Unfortunately, in this not-so-perfect world, you will be harassed. The main reason she is harassing you? Because you blow her "parenting" skills out of the water. It scares her to believe "her" daughter could love someone else in a "mother" role. So she continuously puts you down and harasses you to make herself fell better as a "mother". She is content to leave things status quo (SD with you and fiancee) except then she remembers (or someone points out) that HER daughter will respect and love you more than her. My own BM used to tell my youngest SD (at 6 yr old) that if she died and the girls moved in with us, she would come back and haunt them to keep her from loving me. It worked until SD matured some and realized the odds of that happening are slim to nil. It just takes time. If you think your fiancee and SD are worth fighting for, then glove up, hun!

Betty - posted on 02/24/2010

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I've been married for about a year now. I didn't have alot of contact with SD before we got married(he didn't want to scare me of lol) but now she gets along with me great. She is 4 years old and we have her 50% of the time. My husband and I are both 27. We are trying to concieve right now and I can't wait to be able to tell my SD that she is getting a new baby brother or sister. I love being a step mom and a wife. I love my life.

Heather - posted on 02/24/2010

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I wish I have had a similar experience to offer advice. I am 22 and I met my husband 3 years ago. His two sons (my SS) were 3 and 4 at the time. We were friends before we dated and he did not see his kids but once a week. Not that he didn't want to see them but he was working late hours everyday to pay bills and child support. With in the last 3 years we moved 2 blocks away from my SS and now have joint custdy. The relationship with the BM is amazing we get along very well. All of the family is able to get along including mine and join in on Hoildays and Birthdays. We get them any time we want and are able to take them to and from school now that we live so close. The BM has remarried and has to child with her new husband which we baby sit sometimes. And we are expecting our first daughter in July. My ss have started calling me Mamma and they call their mom Mommy. I do not force them to call me mom or anything like that but I'm not going to stop them. Life is really good,all of us couldn't be happier. I just hope and wish same blessing god has given me for all step moms.

[deleted account]

Oiy! I wont tell you my story b/c you wouldn't have 8 weeks spare to read it but there has been all kinds of mental and physical abuse of us and my SK's for many years- lets leave it at that. But I commend you for taking on yr situation so young- I'm 36 and I still struggle with it all. Good luck and we're always hear with an ear xoxoxox

Jessica - posted on 02/24/2010

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You are such a wonderful person to take on that responsiblity!! Good luck on everything and I wish you the best of luck!!

Casey - posted on 02/24/2010

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Congrats on your family. Keep being the wife and mother you are. Your doing a great job! My husbands ex wife is useless ass well. She gave him custody of my SS when he was 4. He is 11 now. She is still useless. And always claims she is the victim. We are so mean to her. Well, step up and be the mother he needs you to be. I tell her that all the time. Be in his life and do right by him. She gets everyother weekend and one over night during the school week, bi weekly. She cancels all the time bc her other children are more important.
Always take the high road. Be the better person. You sound like you are already!

[deleted account]

I'm 20, about to be 21 in a few months... I fiancee and i got together in the fall of '07 after his exgirlfriend found out she was pregnant (she cheated ALL the time and there were 7 possibilities of who the father could be) and he left her for me. We had been friends for a long time, so it was expected... anyway... throughout her pregnancy, we were always harassed, and she did drugs and drank and smoked and everything...sex with random guys, gross... and after the baby was born, she continued on the same path, leaving the baby at friends houses for days while she went out and partied and didn't even call to check on her child, and she continued with the drugs and smoking, and with the baby right next to her!!!!!!! she left the baby outside the town hotel once in her stroller to go upstairs to have sex with someone!! she never paid attention to her at all... when my daughter was 6 months old, a DNA test revealed that my fiancee was the father... He stepped up to the plate and started paying child support and we got joint custody with the BM's mother... BM lost custody for everything she was doing and just this past summer she skipped out on court to pay child support for her kid and moved to Arizona and hasn't been back since. I still get harassed and threatened and the police won't do anything about it because she lives in Arizona... My fiancee and I are planning to go back to court within the next few months to get full custody of her as soon as we get an apartment and get out of his parents' house and then we are getting married ASAP and I am adopting her and we're getting a restraining order... I can't tell you how many times I have been threatened by this girl (she's 18, had SD at 17) and her stepsister...It's ridiculous that these "women" can't grow up and realize that things aren't OUR faults...I have been this little girls Mommy since we found out she was my fiancee's and all her BM is doing is trying to throw it in my face that she's not biologically mine and claims I am nothing to her when she is the one who is nothing to my daughter! She lives in Arizona, we live in NY...I'm the one financially supporting her along with my fiancee and taking care of her and doing things for her and giving her what she needs and wants... BM couldn't even show up to child support court and yet I still harassed... it's pathetic

Michelle - posted on 02/22/2010

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I commend you for being a 19 year old mother and wife. It sounds like you and your husband are trying to do whats best for your SD. However, even though the BM is very immature....there really isnt anything you can do as far as a step mother goes. Unless she signs her rights over then there really isnt anything that can be done. You have to pretty much do what the courts are telling you to do....unless they arent involved. Now...my advice to YOU as her step mother.....is to just be there for her. You arent her mother but you seem to be a better candidate. Dont try to take her mother's place....just be the best mom to both kids as you can be. Even though you seem to be a very mature 19 year old....you still have a lot of growing up and learning to do. Just remember that no parent is perfect. Good luck with your endeavors in parenthood.

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