What should they call me?

Brenda - posted on 08/13/2011

HI, my name is Brenda and I'm a step-mom. your situation is different then mine. Y aknow what? Tell them the truth in a way where the biological mom isnt made to look bad. Your 2 step daughters are so blessed to have your love. I love my daughter like she was my own... love knows no word boundries ( does that make sense)? It is okay the the 9yr old calls you Brittany maybe one day she'll call you Mom if not thats okay too. She knows your love for her ... my stepdaughter calls me Brenda...and when she buys cards they say Mom on them. I am so blessed to have her in my life. maybe you can write a little story or something like that to explain. blessings be poured upon your family and I ask for peace for you all in this issues in Jesus precious name. God bless...

Bri - posted on 08/11/2011

come up with a fun nickname instead it tends to drive the BMs crazy

Kirby - posted on 08/08/2011

It depends on what you all feel comfortable with - my stepson called me beebee til he could say my full name, the only problem being that now my own kids call me kirby when my stepson is around! i found that it can help by explaining that you have two names, and that the names are special for different reasons and thats why your 9yr old calls you by your first name.

Jessica - posted on 07/25/2011

That's a tough spot. I would talk to the oldest and see if she would like to call you mom or if she would like to come up with a different - special - name if she isn't comfortable with that. Maybe, she is waiting for you to ask. If she isn't up for changing what she calls you, you can't make her call you mom with out having it be an issue either now or in the future. It stinks for you and the little ones but if you have resentment in the future it will be a much bigger issue (for you and the family) then what she calls you now. Good Luck!

Ninadene - posted on 07/25/2011

You should tell them the truth. They have a mother and you are not that person. You are their step mother, even tho you are the one providing all of their maternal care at this moment. Letting her believe you are her mommy and then having to tell her later will do more psychological damage than just being truthful from the beginning, (or as soon as possible). If they decide to call you mommy after knowing the truth, that's their choice, you should definitely not force them to.

Lesley - posted on 07/15/2011

i have step kids and my two older boys are not for my husband. his girls have always called me Mrs. Lesley and i am totally fine with that. Every once in a while they will call me mom. I have spoke to the girls mom and they know that i will never force the girls to call me mom that is their choice. My kids call my hubby Uncle Heath and he is fine with that. My second second calls everyone uncle whatever so it just stuck. Now my second son goes to his dads every other weekend and they try to force him to call his dads wife mom and i dont play that at all. He needs to call her Mrs and then her name. He is 9 years old and he comes home crying telling me that they want him to call her mom and he is not okay with it and neither and i. Its a very touchy situation. My friend step child calls her MiMi. If you have to have a nickname i'm ok with that. But i do understand that you do have these girls all the time in your home and they have not contact with their mom. Like i said i am no for the mom for a step parent a nick name is great. and you have to realize she is older.

Brittany - posted on 07/14/2011

No, BM hasn't been around in 4 yrs. No contact at all. My biological child is even wanting to call me Brittany though... I've always wanted it to be her choice because she remembers her mother, and we've discussed why its her father and I's decision on when we tell Elizabeth *6yrold* about her mother. She hasn't been with her mother since she was 8months old and I dont know, I just don't want her to see me any differently than she does now. Adia *9yrold* always speaks of me as 'her mother' so I just wondered if maybe I should encourage her to call me mom or what... I know I'm not, but I don't want it affecting the other two. Its something that comes up about once a month on average, so its not an 'ignore until it goes away' thing.

Kyleigh - posted on 07/14/2011

yes its very normal for SKs to call us STEP PARENTs OUR real name. Just dont punish them or be upset with them if they dont call you Mommy! Is BM active?

Jodi - posted on 07/14/2011

I see no harm in just letting it be. Obviously they should just call you whatever they feel most comfortable doing. Just tell the younger girls, IF they ask, that the 9 year old calls you Brittany because that's what she feels comfortable doing. You will have to wear it if the others decide to start calling you that too.



On another note, I don't think it is a good idea to keep this secret. how do you know the 9 year old won't answer the question for you next time? What if the 6 year old asks the 9 year old "Why do you call mum Brittany" and the 9 year old answers "Because she isn't our real mother"? In answering like that, it isn't that she respects you any less, just that it's her truth.



Just think on that. Probably best to be honest.

Megan - posted on 07/12/2011

Dont force anything of "step parenting," especially if the BM is involved! Let the children call you whatever they wish. Let them know its okay to do whatever they feel like. Just keep being the good "step," mama you are!