what to call step child

Jen - posted on 09/23/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I absolutely adore my step daughter who is 4, i have been in her life since she was 1. I hate the stigma when i introduce her as my step daughter, yes i am well aware im not her BM but i love her like my own and want to introduce her as my daughter to people. is that bad? i am always afriad someone will know her BM, who isnt the most pleasant all the time, and tell them i am "claiming her kid". Advice anyone please?

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User - posted on 10/01/2009

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I have a step son ive been in his life since he was 5 he is now 23 he calls me his 2nd mom i tells everyone this is my son. His mom didnt have a problem she always introduced me as his 2nd mom. I feel whatever makes your relationship between you and your step daughter better. and it will make her feel like she is apart of her father's life not like a outsider. Do it. B/c me and my son has continued our mom and son relationship even after me and his father has divorced. im closer 2 him than his father!

Laura - posted on 09/26/2009

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you call her "My daughter" I do not call my SD my step daughter to anyone because to me she is my child.. I understand she has a mother but you know what im here every day with this child she lives with me and I take care of her I am no less of her mother then her actual mother. I also do not call myself her stepmother.. If something were to ever come up to where im being questioned about it I say I am not her biological mother I do not call myself a stepmother either.. Your always going to have that issue with the bio mom but oh well!! if your treating that child with love and you see her as your daughter how could that possibly be a bad thing??

[deleted account]

I agree with what everyone else has said. I always introduce my twin SDs as "my daughters." Once when I did that one looked up and said "Well she didn't born us, but she is still my mom!" I almost lost it (laughing that is). Kids say the dardnest things. She was 7 when she said that.

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Ashley - posted on 09/30/2009

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I'm in the same situation, I have a 5 year old stepson that I've been raising since he was 2 1/2 (his BM never comes to see him, my hubby has full custody), and I refer to him as my "son". I recently had to explain things to my son's teacher (he just started kindergarten) because I didn't want there to be confusion when they asked about his "mom", meaning me, because I'm the one that is involved with him at school, but then him think they are talking about his biological mom. It was frustrating, and he still calls me by my first name, but he tells people that he "loves me more than anyone else in the whole world". lol But I don't see anything wrong with it, I've told my son that he has "two moms", and never talk badly of his BM in front of him. Stepkids will see once they get older that real family isn't about genetics; it's about who is there for you and who loves you, and that love is more than just a word, it's an action. :)

[deleted account]

Hey Jen! I call Angel my daughter all the time. I only started doing this in the last two years or so - took me awhile to get use to it. It's also just in the last two years that she was behaving well enough in public that I would claim her as my own! LOL.



When talking to people at the park or other mothers at dance class - I say 'my daughter' or 'my little girl' If the conversation gets deeper and topics come up like where she goes to school, etc, I might mention that she spents half time with her mother so she goes to school in a different town, or something like that.



In my opinion - if you're talking to a stranger or waitress at a resturant - why not claim her as your own! It's really none of their business! Heck - I even claim my nephew as my own sometimes! There is NEVER a time when you should have to say 'this is my step daughter' - - if you are in a situation when that level of clarification - say "this is my husband's daughter"

Jen - posted on 09/27/2009

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thank you all so much. we dont have shy all the time only EOW and one eve a week but are close to fighting for 50/50 and i love her as if i gave birth to her i fel better calling her my daughter now!

Betty - posted on 09/27/2009

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When introducing my SD to people I say, "this is my Lucy". When talking about her I often just call her my daughter and I really don't care what people think of it. It's not my job to point out to the world that she is my step child.

Danielle - posted on 09/26/2009

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I am on both side of the Stepmom/mom fence here. My daughter has an amazing stepmom. Rachel is great to Cheyenne and Cheyenne loves her. i know Cheyenne calls Rachel mom and I am fine with that. Cheyenne knows I am her mom and Rachel is her stepmom and I don't feel like Rachel is ever trying to replace me or push me out. On the other hand I have two step sons who call me Ms. Danielle and only that because that is the only thing their mom will let them call me. Their mother has blatantly told them I am NOT their mother and they don't have to listen to me or like me. It makes things rather hard sometimes and I am sure she would fall over dead if she heard me say it but I refer to them as my sons. We also have our niece who lives with us that we have custody of and I refer to her as my daughter. My husband does the same. We don't want any of our 5 kids to feel like they don't belong in our family due to something as trivial as DNA.

Amanda - posted on 09/26/2009

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I always call my ss and sd my son and daughter as I consider them mine in every way. Occassionally when I see old classmates or teachers from high school who just can't figure out how I have a son who was born when I was 16 without them remembering that, I explain by simply telling them they are my bonus children. I think the word "step" is ugly and has so any negative stereotypes attached, not to mention I am their full time mommy, it just wouldn't feel right to label them that. Hope that helps! =)

[deleted account]

i call my sd "my daughter." i really feel that most people don't care anyway - why should strangers care?

Becky - posted on 09/25/2009

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My SDs are 13 and 14 yrs. and they call me mom or Becky. I refer to them as my daughters and there BM knows that they call me mom too.

Christine - posted on 09/24/2009

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I actually posted something similar a few weeks ago about my (step) son. I have called him my son for years because -I- am the one who has raised him, and -I- am the one he calls "Mommy." There is no "right" or "wrong", and always remember that you don't owe anyone any explanation about the techical makeup of your situation. I come from a family where "Mom" is who raises you, loves you, cares for you, even if that woman didn't give birth to you. (I am adopted.) You love your daughter, and she loves you... 'Nuff said ;-D

Jessica - posted on 09/24/2009

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I call my SD "my daughter" all of the time. If anything, it will just reassure to her how much you love her. Who cares what others think.... If it gets back to her mom, and she's throws a fit, just let her know that it is not worth the discussion, and that your SD knows who her real mom is versus her stepmom, which should be all that matters :)

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