What to do when a court order is not enough and the BM is decieptful? PLEASE HELP

Rochelle - posted on 02/03/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My husband has had custody of his 3 children since the mom tested positive for Meth 3yrs ago. It took her 2 years to complete a 9 month program through Family Drug Court. She recently finished in March of 09. She was granted 1 week on 1 week off parenting schedule due to my husbands agreement. We never requested child support from her because we wanted her to focus on becoming clean for the children. We have gone out of our way to make things easier for her. Now she is doing everything she can to make our lives miserable up to and including dragging us back to court. We have had to make police incident reports when she refuses to let my husband have them for his scheduled time, usually during holidays. She refuses to pay her portion of doctor bills and now states her attorney told her not to. (I pay the premium). Now it is my husbands year to claim the kids for taxes and she or someone else in her family (because she doesn't work) has claimed the kids. Yesterday the judge ordered that the kids speak with a conciliator today. So last night she wouldn't answer the phone and let my husband talk to them. She plays games, manipulates, and INTENTIALLY makes things harder than they need to be. I don't know what to do anymore. It goes on and on. What can we do when it comes to court to let the judge know what's happening without sounding like we are just trying to bad mouth her because that definitely is not the case in this situation. I AM SO FRUSTRATED

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[deleted account]

Awww hell girl, she sounds like my ex husband, been there done that and still am after 7 years because the courts keep letting him get away with it.

Tracy - posted on 02/05/2010

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first of all with the doc bills i ahve had a similiar problem. her lawyer will tellyou all to prove that the doc bills are outstanding if there is any and if they have been any they will expect them to be itimized per child. total, what, why ,treatment,who,and who took to doc, also the total amount due and the other persons half of the exopense. then you wil have had to send a letter explaining that this was their part of the expense to pay and they either need to pay for it or you need to be reimbursed for it. KEEP A COPY OF ALL DOCUMENTS for your own protection for courts.then the letter needs t o be signed by your husband and it does have to becertified where she has to sign ofr it and they give you back a reciet of signature or you can have a lawyer send it by police if she refuses it will cost but in long run is worth it in case she fails to sign ofr it or another person signs for it then throws it away. believe me this will truly help It sure helped me list all dates you have kids. write a letter to the judge and express yourself snd concerns. i sure did and i mailed it and dont leave out case numbers or asnything like this that will help your case. and if she isnt working and the father is paying for all things then he needs to go back into court and get her for contempt for the tax situation. and if nothing else report her to the irs. in other words put up a red flag to the irs to be on the watch for those ssnumbers on tax claims. and he needs to ask the judge if she is failing to do as she claimed that she would then he needs to go back on contempt and try to get the judge to put it in writting that you all can clai them every year taht she shows no proof of working or for until they are no longer available for taxes. be cautious clearify facts and have documentation and send this to the judge as wellas yourself and lawyer do not give original sto lawyers as mine ended up being incarcerated before my haring so i had to go to the judge myself.. it does work if u have a good judge/ so good luck on thi sok

Desi - posted on 02/05/2010

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Wow you are brave! Being a stepmom is hard and very stressful! I dont talk much about my life on here bc we are going to court soon and i dont want anything i write get in my way! but we are going through about the same thing! We also have set visitation and it is hardly ever followed! When we are to have my sd on a holiday we hardly ever make plans anymore do to her never showing up bc she wants to have her! and its sad that in the state of IN nothing is ever done until we go to court. We never even tell our son when we are to go get her bc we are tired of having a 3yr old cry bc of Bm never showing up! heart braking really! Also sometime's i think we have the only BM that never has the same number ever. she calls us from all kinds of numbers and its like we are to know witch one to call! sorry for venting! Its hard not to be down about this but hopefully it will come to an end someday for all of us and we can live a some what normal life. really should it be this hard, stressfull the worst part of it all is to see them cry bc they dont want to make anyone unhappy! children a people pleasers! but they shouldnt be the one pleasing we should be! So its nice to know that im not the only steomom frustrated! many blessing hun and hope everything works out for you and again sorry if i vented a little to much =]

Rochelle - posted on 02/04/2010

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Thank you both. Believe it or not my husband and I have already had impact to our relationship due to the high stress and the fact that most of the issues are out of our control. We have just started some marriage counseling. It has helped a lot. This website also offers alot of answers and support. We have started keeping journals and now have an attorney. It is just ridiculous that some people are more concerned with money and control than the impact thier actions can have on their own kids. I have one son from a previous relationship and have never gone through any of this with my ex or his girlfriend. We all love my son and that is what counts. I only wish she would realize what she is doing to these poor innocent kids and forget about going out of her way to cause havoc for us just because. Thanks again.

[deleted account]

I agree with Heather and symapthise greatly- I'm 7 yrs into the same kind of nightmare. All I can say is you have to find a way not to personalise it otherwise it will affect yr health- I am only learning this now thru family counselling and I recommend you do some too.

Heather - posted on 02/03/2010

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Hi , im sorry.

1st Do you have a laywer or friends of the court person ( we have a case manger)

2nd keep record of everything, pictures , police reports , child support payments or lack of. Who claimed the kids , when she been late with the kids or refused your husband right to see them.

3 In these hard time try to be the adults and let her rant on, you guys in the end will look better in court then her.

4 do you think she is using or if you ever think the kids are unsafe call cps again

Good luck we went through this stuff too. but one day the mom didnt show for her weekend and now we havent seen nor heard from her in over a year. Funny thing is she live within 3 house of their school. I feel bad for my boys but glad her and her drama are out of our lives for now.

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