What was the one thing that happened to you/your family....

Lynda - posted on 04/09/2010

I didn't expect to have my feelings hurt so much. I didn't expect having to "be in competition" constantly. Thankfully after 10 years things are MUCH better.

Mandie - posted on 04/08/2010

Claudette, sorry for the length of time replying to your questions- It's basically that old adage 'you dont know what you've got til it's gone' and she has always been an aggressive person, so violence comes naturally to her. She was the one that ended their marriage and I think she did it as a bluff but- pardon the use of another cliche- she'd 'cried wolf' once too often and he wouldn't come back. We got together a short time later and I guess it was more convenient for her to blame me than face her own shortcomings. So she tells people we had an affair and she indulges in violence to frighten DH into doing what she wants. Each to their own- I get that the end of a marriage is hard, I was married before too and my ex has been much kinder to his new wife than he ever was to me, but I choose to believe that means he learned something and I figure being unpleasant to her doesn't change what went wrong between us. I wish she could do the same, for her children, if not for us.

Nichole - posted on 04/03/2010

I never would have guessed that the step kids would try to manipulate situations and that their mother would push nonsense issues. My husband had to recently go back to court to get his orders modified. The step kids complained that they hated having my kids here because, as normal children do, they fight. She told the mediator the reason she removed over night visitations from the original order was because her kids don't like my kids, and the mediator listened! The new orders actually say that his kids can not stay overnight in our home if my kids are here. This just goes to show us that the ex's manipulative behavior has rubbed off on her kids. We were having issues with them wanting to come over, and I had a feeling it had to do with my kids. So I started making my kids stay with their grandparents on the weekends, just for a little while, to give them a break and be able to enjoy their time spent with their father. I never knew it would get set in stone! Well, last night, as they were on their way here, they were excited to know that their brother and sister would be staying the weekend too. Their response was that they missed them! So Marcus had to point out to them that they have not been around because they told their mother that they hated them. They said it wasn't true and they were so happy that they would be here. I just know that we have these types of things to look forward to because whatever they want, their mother lets them have. They have no rules at home. I think they might have been frustrated and said a few times that they had a bad time because of my kids, but deep down inside they really don't want them to not be around. Their mother is irrational and uses no common sense at all, obviously.

Sandy - posted on 04/03/2010

Honestly there hasnt been much in the past ten years that has happened that I would say I expected. There has been so much good ( having babies, etc ) and so much bad ( losing babies, ex's influence, trouble with kids getting along and kids not liking each of us at times ). It has been such an emotional rollercoaster and I can honestly say I never expected any of it to be this tough.

Amanda - posted on 03/30/2010

I didn't expect to have to make sure my SS had clean clothes to wear even when he was still living with BM. I didn't expect to have BM tell a teacher that the teacher should call me with any classroom issues when SS was still living with her. BM later asked me why the teacher would even consider calling her. I was shocked all I could say was "maybe because on his school records they saw that he lived with you".

Janan - posted on 03/24/2010

Believe it or not, the BM hated me at 1st filed harrasment charges & all that drama & now she loves me! Lord knows why, I really have shown her a consistent person, even helped her when she was sick with pneumonia, made her home made soups & left her messages trying to be encouraging. she has even called me & put me on speakerphone in front of her child & explained drama at school & told the child that she will totally authorize Me administering the disclipine in this case if the child did not improve & asked me right there what I am going to do, if things do not improve on the childs end! Very surprising since the BM hated me at 1st, she has finally gotten past being in love with her Ex. They had already split before I showed up in their lives. I have been around SD since she was 6 & she is now 10. Verrrry attached to me, this is why the BM, got over herself & decided to have me in the pic as a positive role, I KNOW this is FAR from typical, but regardless, it can sometimes be done. Believe me, she is a manipulative person at times, but can be decent too, this is the side I try to encourage getting out of her, trying to see I know relate to feelings of being hurt over the relationship with her childs father being over & trying our best to raise the kids as a whole family.

Lanie - posted on 03/24/2010

after 10 years of being a weekend steppie , i didn't expect to have my SS come live with me, my hubby my dad & our BD . He was 14 , since the age of 9 he became increasing aggressive , overweight & unhappy etc , i had already had difficulties with him, which had caused problems with my husbands family , but the 1st few months were hell and it caused irreparable damage to family relationships, ITS been hard work,we have found support to reduce his weight, we finally have counselling starting soon, i have DONE LOADS to support him ( & got loads of stuff wrong) ,but I'm firm but fair and even though we take each day at a time i think we are getting there. Its funny though them that think I'm a wicked SM, don't want him with them ?????. I'm knackered ,but hope my hubby & i are still intact when he flies the nest BIG HUGS TO ALL THE STEPPIES OUT THERE

Girlio - posted on 03/22/2010

I didn't think that a woman that gave birth to two absolutely amazing children could put what ever boy/man/thing with hair, legs & pulse ahead of them and pawn them off on anyone anytime to convenience her. I had NO idea that women like that really existed. I also had no idea that I was intimidating or threatening in anyway shape or form, I didn't think that one child would become my mini me and the other apparently terrified of me. I also didn't think that my man would be as much of a "Disneyland Dad" as he is sometimes. I didn't think I would miss the kidlets when they weren't with us, I didn't think that I would feel that I would be more of a mother figure than the "fun Disneyland Step-mom". Or that I would be so concerned for the childrens future and them as young adults....I suppose there isn't just one thing but MANY!

Karen - posted on 03/12/2010

It made me feel really good. I was however very worried that she would come to resent her brother but she never did.

Claudette - posted on 03/12/2010

Karen. What a blessing for you that your stepdaughter was so excited to have another sibling. How did that make you feel?

Karen - posted on 03/11/2010

I never expected to be pregant as fast as I was or that my stepdaughter wouldn't have a problem with it. She was so into getting a sibling from us it was a tad weird. I mean she had at that point 2 others from her Biomom now 3 others.. So I thought she would be ticked, but she wasn't.

Penny - posted on 03/09/2010

My hubby had told me his ex was crazy when we were dating but for some reason I have this fault where I see the good in everyone. I naively thought he was exaggerating. I never expected all the drama when he finally got tired of dealing with her crap and filed for legal rights and visitation. Nor did I expect the ongoing, continual drama. Maybe one day it will get better??

Claudette - posted on 03/09/2010

You know Mandi, normally after 7 years, you should expect to have some reprieve from all of this. It is really hard to try to understand what is fueling her anger/violence.
Does she feel that treated by you that she simply cannot let it go? Is she still so much in love with her ex that she can't live with the idea of someone else being with him?
I am sure that it must really truly be hard to have a loving and caring relationship with your husband and kids.

Mandie - posted on 03/09/2010

I knew it would be hard being in a blended family, having had friends in this situation, but I didnt expect the violence from the BM. I also didn't expect that 7 years later she would still be this bad, esp since she has remarried.

Jessica - posted on 03/09/2010

I never knew that it would be this hard. I really thought that we would have that fairy tale ending living happily ever after. yeah right. I guess when I finally woke up from that dream I realized that it is tough being young living out on your own, paying bills, makeing trips to the dr, going to work, cleaning the house, making supper and everything else. Somehow we make it work but it is still very tough for me.