Heidi - posted on 10/23/2009 ( 69 moms have responded )
As the title says "when can you be considered a stepmom?" Its a question to all of you who know the answer or have some insight. Can you be considered stepmom if you married the childs father, but have minimal or no contact with the child? Can you be considered a stepmom if you talk about that stepchild, but in reality you barely know he or she exists? Can you be considered a stepmom if you treat your bio child or children differently from your stepchild or stepchildren? Can you say you are a stepmom just because, you want to act as if you are better then the rest? These are questions I have been mulling over for months now. I have a stepson that lives with us full time and doesn't see his bio mom and hasn't in over 2 years. Although my stepson is almost 19 now, and considered an adult, I feel as though he is my own and I treat him as if he was. Even though he is older then my 2 biological boys and he has more freedom, I feel as if he is my own. When I talk about him I call him my son(except on here). My 2 bio boys call him a brother not stepbrother or half brother. We are a family unit, so there is no step or half.
I think to even be considered a mom or a stepmom you have to love the child or children unconditionally, not throw them to the curb when the going gets tough. You have to see them on a regular basis(whether it be biweekly, or scheduled vacations)., whatever normal arrangements you would have set. You have to want to be a part of there life, not just when its convenient for you. There are a lot of belnded families out there and it seems to be quite normal, but for the most part these families make it work and have regular visits. So why can't the rest? If a court order is set then go by it. Visit the child or children regularly, let them be a part of your family and love them as much as you love your own. No child should feel unloved or unwanted when visiting "the other family". They should feel comfortable, have a room to themselves, toys to play with, and so on. I could go on and on, but I will stop here. So let me know what you think!