When the bio mom acts ugly

Jamie - posted on 12/22/2008

amen! bitch in private. they will only resent you later if you say it. if you are like me and everything i think shows on my face put a smile on and nod and change the subject. or go to the bathroom. sometimes it's the stepfather that makes my blood boil but i *try not to let it show. i also try to reign my husband in if he starts talking too much.. i love my stepkids but they don't keep secrets and whatever we say goes straight back to mom. they do it about them to us too though.

i talk to my stepmom about it - she knows how it is! not with my mom though cause she died.. but with her second marriage she had stepkids and knows how it is to deal with ex wifes.

Lisa - posted on 12/22/2008

well i guess i have it pretty good. my step-sons bio mom lives across the country. out of sight out of mind haha. however, when she was living here, it's best to just put on a happy face and try to keep the peace. it's easier said than done, but it's better for the child. good luck!

Rachel - posted on 12/22/2008

I'm a new step-mom to a 5 and 6 year old, plus I have a two year old. It's hard keeping my mouth shut but you can't say anything bad about their mother in front of them, ever. Not even when she says bad things about their dad. It's hard when their mother is constantly interferring and trying to control everything too. We just have to wait until they are older to see the truth.

Heather - posted on 12/22/2008

I call my girlfriends and hide in the laundry room and bitch about it....never ever ever in front of ANY of the kids, step or bios. I make sure I only ever support her publicly. ie: Do you need help getting your mom a Christmas/b-day/m-day gift? or "Don't forget to e-mail your mom a copy of your report card".....I hate the woman, but that doesn't improve my relationship with my stepkids, so why dump that on them? Don't be fooled though, my girlfriends know every dirty, bitchy little thing I think - I'm only human after all!!!

Sherri - posted on 12/22/2008

find a safe person to vent to - my sister is also a step mom with a crazy ex-wife and we have a good old fashioned crab session over coffee (or wine) once and a while. Keeps me from losing my mind in front of my step kids or my husband.

Josette - posted on 12/20/2008

that is really good advice, thank you!

Casey - posted on 12/19/2008

I agree with Michele. You don't have to keep it from your thoughts, just your mouth. Sometimes it's hard to bite your tounge but you must for the sake of the children. Be the best step-mom you can be to them and give them plenty of love... someday they will thank you for it. Be the better person and someday, probably a very long time from now, they will see you for who you are and see the truth behind it all.

Michele - posted on 12/19/2008

I'm a step -mom of 17 and 18 year old girls, and you don't have to keep that out of your thoughts , just out of your mouth. Just be the best mom you can be , teach them right from wrong and love them, and someday they will see the difference between you and the bio-mom