who is called mom.

Betty - posted on 08/10/2009

The kids need to have a mom and that is what you are. My sd sees her mom all the time so we don't allow her to call me mom. If her bm was out of the picture or saw her very little than I would let her call me mom if she wanted to.

Andrea - posted on 08/09/2009

I agree totally about the DNA statement. You hit the nail on the head.

Andrea - posted on 08/09/2009

My stepdaughter calls me mom too. I think her bio-mom was upset at first but never said anything about it. She lives 1500km away from us. One day she sent me an email and said that I must be very special if her daughter wanted to call me mom and that she trusted me raising her daughter completely. My stepdaughter calls her biomom Mommy to differentiate between her and me.

Jessica - posted on 08/07/2009

Amen Holly!

Andrea - posted on 08/06/2009

Regardless of whether or not the BM is in the picture or what some members of this society think they can enforce in your own household, when it comes down to it, if your stepkid(s) want to call you mom and you're okay with it, then that is your relationship with them and they can call you mom. You ARE one of their moms. They have a BM and an SM. Two different types of moms, but nonetheless moms. My husband and I even took my SS to counseling to ensure he's doing okay in his complicated, blended family experience and one of the issues that came up was him calling me mom. He told the psychologist he wants to call me mom and she told him to do that then. That's all he's ever called me since then and I love it. It's your decision in your relationship with your stepkid(s) and don't let anyone convince you otherwise! Names used should be what work for you all in your home, not what others outside your home try to dictate. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your stepkids and I'm sure you're all the better because of it.

Jennifer - posted on 08/05/2009

My older two step kids call me Jenn..once my fiance and I get married that might change...it did with their step-dad....once their BM got married Derrick(SF) became dad as well. My fiance is fine with it. Our youngest is 19 mths...he calls his BM, who we have joint custody with, mommy and my fiance daddy. He calls me mama and he calls his soon to be SF dada...we just see it as that he has 4 parents who love him and at 19 mths he can distinguish between us all..he knows who mommy and daddy r but feels close enough to us step parents to be included and he did that all on his own....it doesnt matter what the kids call u as long as they know that they r loved :)

Amanda - posted on 08/05/2009

My bonus children chose to call me mommy about a year into mine and my husband's relationship. Their bm has joint custody but doesn't choose to take advantage of it. She has never paid child support. She moved about 22 hours away about a year and a half ago. She has another baby and a whole new life now. She is doing all the fun first time mommy things with her new baby but hasn't seen my two in an entire year. She calls every once in a while but not enough for them to really know who she is. They are 3 and 5 so memories of her are begininging to fade for them. She was very mad when she heard them calling me mommy and tried to argue with my husband about it. He said the same. "They chose to give her that name and we will not tell them different" She still hates it even though she really never has anything to do with them. It is really sad to me because I cannot imagine being without them, or without hearing their voices everyday and she really doesn't seem to miss it at all. I just don't understand it. I guess some women are just missing that maternal gene.



I can't make her a better mother, but I can make the kids life better despite her absence. I love them like my own and am so blessed to share a life with them and their amazing father. Sometimes DNA means nothing and love means everything.

Holly - posted on 08/05/2009

i agree! especially if their mom is not involved that much.



my huby and i have 90% custody of our oldest daughter and her mother rarely calls between visits (in fact, it's been over a month now since my daughter has spoken to her bm, despite the fact that my daughter calls her bm 4-5 times per week and leaves voicemails asking her to call back). it is so hard and i just cannot understand how this woman can expect us to give her our daughter during school breaks, but make no effort in between time (she hasn't even paid child support in 2 months). to me, even though she gave birth to my daughter, she is no "mother". my daughter stopped calling her bm "mom" long ago and that is just the way it is, whether her bm likes it or not (she still calls bm "mom" to her face, but not when reffering to her to others - she even told all her firends at school that I am her mom, they don't even know about her bm - a choice that we let her make).



giving birth does not make you a "mom," loving and caring for your children - all of them, biological or not - does. if that is the role you play in your sk's lives, then that is the title you deserve.

Megan - posted on 08/05/2009

My step-son calls me by my first name the 1st day or so coming from BM house then starts to call me mom. I answer to both and have not made a big deal about it because in the end its just a name. Its nice to hear mom from him but understand him calling me by my frist name is fine too. The problem is when my 2 year old started to call me by my first name and we had to correct her for 2 weeks before she finally got it!