will they warm up to me after a while... and how will they feel about me having a baby with their da

Laura - posted on 10/26/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

2

9

0

i met my boyfriend a year ago and now i'm pregnant with my first child... we are very happy but i have some concerns about his two beautiful boys... they're seven and three... the seven year old warmed up to me very quickly and he's excited about his new brother or sister... the three year old on the other hand sometimes he loves me sometimes he hates my guts... i really love them so it breaks my heart when he pushes me away like that... i'm wondering if it's just his age and he's just selfish unknowingly at three and eventually will grow out of it... or if he really probably has a problem with me. furthermore... i'm worried that once the baby is born... the two boys might feel neglected by their dad... or me... for no other reason than we see the baby every day and the boys twice a week and every other weekend. i'm wondering if there's any way to avoid that... i love the boys and i want them in my life forever... but i also forever want them to know that too!!!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

11 Comments

View replies by

Flossi - posted on 11/03/2009

6

22

1

Laura, my step daughter lives 600 miles away and we only see her for a total of 9 weeks a year. When she found out we were expecting she was happy as a clam about the addition we have our ups and downs. It will get easier with time just make sure that you show her the same love that you show the new baby. Also I found that it was helpful to allow her to help when and were she could. You might want to let them help with picking the name or theme for the babies room. Let them know that you want them to be there and around just as much as the baby. You could also try taking them to do something fun just you and them. It will be hard when the baby does arrive to continue this but if you have a good support system they will keep the baby while you have "fun day" with the boys.

Katrena - posted on 11/02/2009

15

12

1

hi l think at 3 he is proberbly having mixed feelings and at times finds it hard to deal with too give him time,and when the baby is born make the effort to include them in the babies life and have a family day were you go out as a family all together so they feel that there included too when there with you guys

Betty - posted on 11/01/2009

1,061

7

90

My SD is 4. I have been married for about a year and have known SD for about a year in a half. Sometimes she pushes me away but I know that she is just confused as to where her loyalties lie. She clearly loves her mother a bit more than me but they go way back and I know it will change after a few years. I just always tell her that I love her and give her lots of hugs and kisses. I tell her how great she is and how proud I am of her whenever possible.
As long as you let the boys feel like the baby is for them they should be fine. Allow them to be involved as much as possible. My SD has a baby sister (her mother's new baby not ours) and ever since she was born (6 months ago) SD has been telling me that I need to grow her another baby. My husband has already told me that he will be ignoring our future children a bit whenever SD is around since that's the only way to fairly give them the same amount of attention. I'm totally fine with that because SD is wonderful and deserves the best.

Paige - posted on 10/31/2009

3

17

0

My Husband and I just had a baby boy just over 2 weeks ago. My Hubby has children from previous relationships so I'm a step mom. When I first met his children, the older 2 quickly made my entrance into their lives very easy. I think when they are a bit older they are past a shy stage and pretty much love everyone. His youngest daughter who was 2 at the time was very stand offish and I was nervous that she was never going to come around. Almost 2 yrs. have past now and all that has changed, our relationship is great and I'm sure it will only get better.
Be patient, he will come around :) - I won't lie, cookies help :)
Also the new addition to the family was exciting for all of the children, hopefully it will be the same for you when welcoming your new baby into the family. Everyone loves babies!
Take care and good luck!
Feel free to ask me any questions, seems as though we have a similar situation:)

Shannon - posted on 10/31/2009

11

18

0

I have a 9 year old step daughter and a 7 year old step son. The best advice I can give you to keep this short and sweet is love them all the same treat them all equally and never ever give up. To them knowing you are there for them through thick and thin will make the world of diff. even though at times your going to want to pull your hair out. They are kids and will act accordingly mom is mom and dad is dad. and if your lucky enough they'll get the understanding your not replacing their mom or taking away their dad. But that your a great addition to the family.

Susan - posted on 10/29/2009

3

14

0

I went through the exact same thing. He didnt like me I was the first woman his father dated after the break up. We were together for 10 months before I quickly became pregnant. When his 5 year old son was told he was soo mean to me sometimes he would even make me cry. But when he saw the baby he fell in love and was such a great big brother.

Shannon - posted on 10/28/2009

9

22

0

I would say that the three year old is probably just going through a phase when it comes to pushing you away. My husband and I have been together for almost 4 years now. When I first met his son he was 2 1/2 and there were times when he seemed to adore me and called me his girlfriend. But then there were times that he would do nothing but give me attitude. After we got married and the topic of babies came up my step son wanted nothing to do with a younger brother or sister. I was worried about this, being that we dont get to see him much since he lives with his mom and step dad in another state. We just recently had our first son and my step son who is now 5 1/2 is so excited to have a little brother. I think its best to just let things run there course and be sure that the other two boys are given attention when they are around and that they get to have special time with their daddy and you (get a sitter for your baby and take them out for ice cream or something) they just need to know that they are still very much a part of their daddys and your life.

Céline - posted on 10/28/2009

54

11

7

The best advice i can give you is.....treat ALL the kids the same. Sometimes we tend to treat them diffrent. I have 2 SK that i love to death.....and i have one adotped son that i would not change for anything in the world....but i tend to be more strict with my son than my step kids.....i am correcting that but it is obvious that the children do not like being treated differently than the other kids. SOOOOO..from experience and the things i see in my brothers family that are also with kids of their own and from previous marriage.........treat the kids the same way and you will do just fine.

Emily - posted on 10/28/2009

2

4

0

I feel you. I am expecting any day now. My stepson is 8 and he has lived with us for 2 years now. We have a great relationship, but now that the due date is so close we has changed toward me. I think was the baby is born, and see that you still love them and want them around, they will be fine. Just include them and spend special time with them, especially their dad. I see how much it effects my ss when his dad talks about the new baby. Showing how much you love all of them equally is the best thing.

Shaunacy - posted on 10/28/2009

34

57

0

Laura, It seems that the more I look the more I see that I am not the only one in my situation, sometimes it helps me to know that! I am currently with my fiance that I have been with for a year and a half! He has a daughter and I have two boys from a previous relationship. I recently had a new baby boy with my fiance. My sons as well as his daughter have taken the new baby into their family very well. Mind you we did our very best to prepare the children for the baby. We introduced dolls to my sons and step-daughter, so they would understand that they needed to be gentle and so they would understand the sheer tinyness of the baby and how fragile babies are. They also learnt the more we spoke about the new baby that this baby was already loved and that they would learn to love the baby the moment they saw him! We really had no troubles with my fiances daughter who is two and a HALF. MY SONS ARE 6 AND 4 AND WE ALL GET ALONG PERFECTLY. your boyfriend should probably show your step sons (if he doesn't already) that he loves you very much, showing affection toward you and your growing belly may help the 3 year old to learn that there was true love involved in this baby comming to join the family!!! This was a technique we used as well. It worked wonders!!!!! My sons although they love their little brother, are still somewhat apprehensive about my fiance, we are working on that but keep showing the little ones that you love them and they'll eventually come round!!!

Katherine - posted on 10/27/2009

1

17

1

Laura you have to realize that your experience as a new mother is not going to be like your friends' or sisters' who are married to men without children from a previous relationship. This is not a bad thing; it is just different. I have a one year old son and a 14 year old stepdaughter who lives with us full time. I have moments when I envy new moms that get to have thier lives revolve around their newborns. I do not have that. I have to balance. You can not pause the game while you obsess over you newborn. I am not saying you would - but there are days (lots of them) that all I want to do is stare at my son, but I have responsibilities to my stepdaughter and my husband. As amazing of an experience of having a baby has been it is challenging in a blended family. It sounds to me that your intentions are in the right place. You love your stepchildren and you want them to feel included and loved, right? Then continue to love them and included them. They are young going through some potentially confusing times. But if you include them in the excitement of their new sibling, they will be excited about it too. BUT make time for them too that is not about the baby, and when the baby is born do the same. Have family fun time, but make time for the older two boys without the baby too, and that means you too. Dont just send them off with their dad all the time. If you want them to feel that they are also a priority to YOU, get a babysitter or leave the baby with your husband and choose them over the baby every once in a while. Remember you have lots more time with the baby than you will have for these two and they need it too.



Sometimes kids are going to love you and some times kids are going to hate you, but you are an adult and may have a better gauge on things. Are you doing the right thing? Are you acting in thier best interests? You love them, just keep doing the right thing and it will pay off in the end. They will know you love them even if they do not act as if they do.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms