Oryx - posted on 05/17/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )
I desperately need advice, or encouragement or whatever you can give me... When I fell in love with my partner I fell in love with him. I never anticipated being in a 'relationship' with his ex as well. This is the hardest thing I've ever been through yet and I'm at my wits end. I don't know where to start. It's been almost 2 years, my partner and I are handfasted and have a 4 month old son and I couldn't be happier. For once, things are great in my life, except for this... intrusion in my life from the ex. He has twins with her and things did not work out. She was verbally and physically abusive to him, says she wishes the daughters weren't even born, cheated on him, cheated on who she was cheating on him with someone else, etc. She's fucking lovely...
She holds her composure very well in person, which is frustrating because what goes on behind that is insidious. Calls me a whore behind my back, to my partner. Talks about very personal things to do with the situation to mere acquaintances in this small town. Won't let my partner see his kids when there is a written agreement stating otherwise. She sometimes acts very civil to us in person and the next day, my partner will receive a bombardment of texts, about how he is a shitty parent, things we do wrong, threats about not letting him see them at all, etc...
I am sick of the bipolar behavior. The verbal abuse. I haven't tried to 'replace' her or one up her in mom-ship. I've been there as another role model type person in their lives but that is all. I tiptoe around her because the tiniest thing will flip her switch.
I wrote her a diplomatic letter the other day, after a particularly aggressive outburst at my partner. I thought... It's been way too long and my feelings haven't been made clear, so why not let them be known. I'm a big fan of truth. I hate this beating around the bush, tiptoeing, charade. Now she's threatening her sole custody again. I'm afraid I've ruined things for my partner by trying to be honest!
I just want her to know how badly her negativity affects the children, how I will not tolerate her speaking ill of my partner to me, (and right in front of him), and speaking about these things around town to anybody. I want us to work things out without the drama. There's no need! I don't know what to do... we can't live like this. I haven't slept for 3 days, I'm worried sick she'll try to pull some legal shit and she always gets her way. She is so so manipulative, and it feels like the reason she does these things is not for the best interest of the girls but so she can watch us writhe and squirm to meet her demands, put her in a position of power, so we can see the twins.
Help help help! I need words of wisdom!!