HELP - bio mom is pushing me over the edge!

Jodie - posted on 04/20/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

I've been in my 8.5-year old stepson's life since he was 2, almost 3. My husband and I also now have a 7-month old little boy, who my SS absolutely adores. My SS has 3 older sisters from a different father, and all 4 of the kids lived with bio mom when I met my husband (bio mom and my husband were never married, only engaged, and had been split for over a year when I met him). BM first signed her daughters over to their father, and it then took about a year for her to finally agree to sign my SS over to my husband (about 2.5 years ago). I have been more of a mom to him than she ever has, but it’s very obvious that she does love him…she just can’t be bothered with the responsibility. When he’s with her, she “appears” to be a good mom, but she never even calls to see how he’s doing, even if she hasn’t seen him in a week or so. Just a few of the things we've dealt with…having different men in her life, moving out of her apartment to then stay at different peoples’ homes on couches (while SS lived with her), her going to Vegas and getting married to a man she dated for 3 months that is now in prison for dealing drugs (while SS lived with her), her having drug problems herself, constantly having to explain to SS why his mommy isn’t coming to pick him up even though it’s her scheduled time, not paying court ordered child support or half of the daycare expenses, etc. I don’t think she’ll ever be the “ideal” mom, but she does seem to be trying to get herself back on track. She recently got a job, and her wages are being garnished to cover the weekly support payments (she recently filed papers at court to reduce her payment). We’re still having trouble getting her to pay for daycare - she has to pay $114 on the first of each month to cover after-school care…we already made separate arrangements for before school care so she didn’t have to pay for that too, since my husband and I have to leave earlier for work than his bus comes. I understand and sympathize with her financial struggle, but the problem is that my husband and I are struggling financially as well, and we can’t continue to cover her share of everything. My stepson recently had his tonsils removed (he’s covered on my insurance), and before the surgery, she was informed that we would have to pay $200 after insurance. She’s had her copy of the bill for at least 2 months now (she’s supposed to have 30 days to pay her share). When my husband asks her about money for the bill or daycare, she always says, “I don’t have any money and I’ll get it to you whenever I can get it.” The part that really irks me is that when my SS lived with her, if my husband was ever even ONE day late with a payment, she would call and harass him several times a day, telling him he was a terrible father who needed to put his son first. I recently asked her about the money, and it ended up turning into a heated argument in my driveway (I made sure to go outside and shut the front door so it wasn’t in front of my SS). I’m just not sure how to handle this situation anymore, because I am struggling to pay our bills. I honestly feel sometimes like she is pushing me over the edge and driving me to insanity. Any advice on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated!!