My step son is getting married next weekend

Sharon - posted on 02/21/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hi, I'm new here and am not sure if this topic has already been covered~ apologies if it has!

My step son is 21, I have been with his father for nearly 16 years, so I have been a part of step sons life for many years. When he was 9 years old for a variety of reasons his biological mother didn't want him and for the 5 years after he lived with my husband, daughter and I. He never brought us any trouble home, and not once was I made to feel like 'just his step mum'. We had a fantastic relationship.

Then he met his fiance. Since they have got together he is all his mum. He has 'forgotten' that she kicked him out not really caring whether we took him or not, she just wanted rid. I haven't had a Mothers Day card for the past 3 years, and my birthday is hit and miss.

Since they have begun the wedding arrangements I have been excluded completely. I have made several offers of help, all rebuked usually via Facebook, never to my face!! I am just so angry, upset, hurt, confused. I could go on.

I shall be attending the wedding next weekend, but what is my role? Am I just another guest? I suppose I am really.

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest ~ none of my friends are step mum's, so although they will listen to me they really don't understand anything.

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Olivia - posted on 05/08/2012

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Here's my story. My son (technically step) is proposing to his girlfriend this weekend. He called me to help him pick out a ring and now I learned his Mom is upset. I raised him. I loved him unconditionally when she wouldn't. Do I be the bigger person and let her take the lead on events or what?

Sharon - posted on 03/27/2010

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Hi Kara,

Thank you for your kind words. They were comforting. The wedding went very well actually. My stepson and his best man ended up stopping with us the night before the wedding, saying that they felt more comfortable with us. That meant an awful lot. The ceremony was lovely, and during the official photographs I was never made to feel anything other than 'me'. My stepson and his new wife had obviously talked to the photographer before the ceremony because not once did they refer to his mum and dad as mum and dad. They always used our christian names, and Sean and Kirsty ensured that we were photographed with them too. I wasn't made at anytime to feel that I was anything other than an important member of the family. They were very thoughtful.

Then on Mothers Day (I know this isn't linked directly), I had a Mother's Day card that said 'To A Special Stepmum' on it. I can't tell you how overwhelmed I was!

Looks like being married has made him appreciate other people a little more.

thank you again for your reply

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Hi Sharon,



I'm sorry i only saw your post today . . How did the wedding go? Is your step son still being distant? I don't think it has anything to do with you so don't think you've done anything wrong . I think perhaps because his Bio mum wasn't around for so long that now that she's reached out in some way that he is craving a connection with her regardless of the way she has behaved in the past. After all she is his mum . Try to just continue to support him and the decisions he makes, because he will realise that you have always been there for him whether sooner or later.



let me know how you go . stay positive

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