Ann - posted on 05/04/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )
Hi, I'm 25 and have been in a relationship with a guy who has a 7yr old daughter - Imogen - for about 18 months. In the last 6 months we have Imy stay with us quite regularly at weekends, I get on well with Imy and my partner really supports me.
However, lately I have been feeling more and more restricted by her. I have no control over when she stays e.g. if Imy's mum is doing overtime, me and my partner have to look after Imy. I feel that a lot of my free time and energy is spent looking after this lovely child but whom I don't love as my own (yet) and I find it exhausting. My partner says I don't have to do anything I don't want to, that I should do other stuff if I'm not in the mood to entertain/look after Imy. However, then I feel like I'm excluded from seeing him as hes with Imy, and I'm not bonding with her. How do I deal with these feelings of being restricted? Do you get used to them? Is there something I could do that may help them dissapate?
I also feel very unsure of my position and role with Imy. Do I correct her and tell her how to do things correctly e.g. she says things like 'what' instead of pardon, gloats if she wins a game we're playing, and can be quite bossy with me and I'm unsure whether I should correct these things. I don't think she sees me as a mum figure, we're more like friends at this point, but does that mean I don't have the authority to correct her? Also if this is how shes has been raised, is it fair for me to then tell her to do something differently?
I'm very confused at the moment and its causing real problems within the relationship with my partner. If anyone can help please advise me! Especially on the emotional stuff as I don't know anyone whos in this position or experienced it.